Sunday, December 11, 2005

Trying to Live in Grace

I deeply appreciate the responses I have had about my mother. I really do. All of them.
This has been such an interesting journey already. I have deep faith that my mother will
decide to do what she thinks is best for her, all around, so that means taking into account
who she is emotional as well as physically.

The statistics around cancer are frustrating and also helpful in some ways. There is no right or wrong answer about doing chemo or not. Really, there isn't. Everyone has their own journey to make if it is the path their life takes. I respect the personal decision in health greatly, or I wouldn't be the kind of doula and educator I have been. As much as there is a small piece (very small) of me that cries out for her to do absolutely everything possible to stay alive and cancer-free, there is a larger piece, more of my core value, that says I support any decision regarding treatment she does.

Yes that means if she thinks she should go live on a mountain top in Tibet and eat nothing be

daikon radishes, and kombu tea, then I would go along with that plan. The faith one has in their
choices is a key element to who they are and what their outcome is. This doesn't mean that I think
some people give up or chose to die, it means that I highly value people making their choices, following their heart and soul, listening to the inner voice (whether one calls it gut instinct or god) and finding whatever peace they can in their path.

For me, this journey has included me recognizing some strengths my mother has that I can lose sight of in the midst of all of her challenges. It has brought me to the beginning of a path that is deeply informed that I will lose my mother at some point and it will be one of the greatest loses I expect to ever know. I have been humbled already by this experience, and I expect to continue to be, by this and other things yet unknown.

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