Monday, June 25, 2007

How could I forget!

I cannot imagine how I forgot this! Last Friday I went to my school's Residential Conference, just to visit people. I am much too impoverished and peeved at some of the higher level staff to actually attend but I could not imagine not seeing people.

The first person I saw was Ray who wasn't supposed to be there, which is essentially what we said to each other. It appears the rumors ran fast and furious that I had already moved to Ohio and that I had dropped out of school.

It was so good to see Jennifer, the best hotel roommate ever. Kerrie looked gorgeous and is really blossoming. It turned out that Mary never moved up to SF which I thought she was going to do. I briefly saw Rick who practically begged me to stay in touch, after offers his sympathies on my impending move. Scott, my bodhisattva buddy, brought his wife and daughter - such an incredible soul. And in the "OMG what is he thinking" catagory, my pal Steve is engaged to someone he has been dating 23 weeks (he said, "What is that anniversary, paper clips?" At least he is funny about it.). Though she was there, I didn't really get a chance to chat with Candice but did connect well with her sweetheart. Several of us offered dating tips to Sheri. Unfortunately I only saw Angela for a brief moment but it was sweet. Theopia and I had many good laughs. My all night buddy from last June's RC, Sandra, actually cried when she saw me. One of the best things I heard, and many wonderful things were said to me that night, was Sandra telling she didn't realize how much she loved me until I wasn't there.

I wish I had known how widespread the rumor was because I sure could have used a sandwich board saying "not yet but soon" and "maybe" to the move and leaving school because I repeated myself endlessly. It was a good move on my part to go but it did bring up feelings of sadness. I will really miss this piece of my life when it really over.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Social Swirl

This month has seen a lot of gathering with friends.

Early in the month we got together with Sue and Sarah to celebrate their son, The Miracle Man who turned 20. Twenty! How the hell did that happen? I can still remember the first time I met Miracle Man, at a "moms" gathering in early February 2002, just a few months after I moved to the west coast. MM the most amazing sense of comic timing featuring awesome dry humour.

Right before they were supposed to meet us at Casa de Cedar, I was meeting some folks from my knit list, including Joy who lives in India. Dana brought one of her foster kittens who I had lying on my chest for at least 30 minutes soaking in the kitty love. Due to various confluences we went met up at Zachary's for dinner. In a rather freakish turn of events the power in a wide swatch of Berkeley went out so we purchased some semi-baked pies and retreated to our house for a lovely super casual dinner.

A Tuesday early in the month we went over to Jennie's. TGF set her up with wireless while I helped her clear through some stuff so she could rearrange her furniture. It was really fun. No I am not a virgo but I do love organizing and tossing things, mine stuff, other people's doesn't matter - it's all fun to me.

Then Sue spearheaded a "BAMS" meet up on a Thursday night, thinking we were leaving soon. We met at a great Greek restaurant, Cafe Vasiliki, the red snapper was great. Sue, Sarah, Miracle Man, 'Zaye; Jennie & G-Man; the Fabulous Ruthie B; Liz, Andrea and the Perfect Val with their friend Ellaine; Cynthia with her gorgeous son Ben. The last time we had seen Cynthia she was pregnant with Ben - he's two! How did that happen? Of course I feel bad because we are not leaving immediately and this was thrown together as the first of some good-bye events.

'Zaye turned three, so another lovely hanging out with Sue and Sarah at the Big Blue House (really that's the nickname for their place, I swear). It was a lovely afternoon and a fabulous pizza place (see a theme here?), Pizz'a Chicago.

This week has been a buzz of social things, not quite all of them fun. Tuesday afternoon we went over to see the Landlady of Perpetual Patience to give notice on Casa de Cedar and tell her of our plans to take care of our debt to her. (Seriously folks we are going to be paying on this place for at least a year after we leave.) It was a very teary event for me. On the spur of the moment Jennie sent out an invite for dinner but apparently I am the only truly spontaneous one, which was great for me - time with Jennie!

Wednesday I had my board meeting for BirthWays where I had to inform them that I was moving away. Afterwards I ran off to Skates to meet Glamour Girl, who was in town, with her beau (who is local) for drinks. Way too much fun was had by all of us.

Thursday TGF and I drove down to Hayward to meet Sally, from my glbt knit list, who was in town from Virginia with her housemate Amanda. I had met them back in January the last time they were out west. I had picked that area as a halfway point between us and located a restaurant. We were all surprised to see that a very loud street fair was happening that night with a band right outside the restaurant I had chosen. We switched things up and went around the corner for some Japanese at Akaihana and chatted up a storm.

Glamour Girl had some time on Friday so we wandered in and out of stores on Fourth Street in Berkeley and had a lovely lunch at O Chame, a place I had yet to visit. She has had some less than stellar health news this week so we spent a lot of time talking about the "what ifs" and "what things might look like". I hope this all resolves itself quickly and without too much fuss or bother for her.

Yesterday, hm, what did we do yesterday. I would guess not much. Today we went to the Pride March (I just can't get used to calling it a "parade"), which was a fun thing to do since who knows when we might be here for it again. I may write more about various thoughts and dialogues we had about this thing.

This week is looking a bit quieter but I would have said the same thing about last week before I knew better.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Another silly one

You may notice a trend as I am distracted, teary, and working on being unaffected by stress. Yeah right!

This quiz, well, I would never wear this but I like the description.
Your Nail Polish Color is Black

How you're unique: There's nothing about you that isn't unique
Why your style rocks: You are a total indie chick... and you can pull it off
What this color says about you: "I'm a trendsetter and don't care what anyone else is doing!"

On a lighter note

TGF says this is highly accurate.

What Color is Your Brain?


At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation.
With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener.
With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings.
Take this quiz!

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

The gods laugh when you make plans

We have all felt that from time to time, right? Well I tell you l feel like I am a permanent spin cycle over here. The other night I set up a G**gle calendar to begin to make sense of everything since we picked a moving date of July 17th (which in an ultimate irony is the date in 2001 that my then partner left Massachusetts in the rented moving truck). I have things like "linen closet", "pack my office", "get boxes", and "give notice to the Landlady of Perpetual Patience. Picked the date for the house cooling party. Finally tell my GLBT knitting email group what's up early this afternoon.

I leave to go to the post office and Rockridge Rags - that was a bust. They have specific hours for consignment sales and I showed up too late. Driving home on the freeway (what joke that name is) is boggy but the radio plays an old favorite which I blast. A good tune always makes me happier. Music is definitely one of the things I use to get through things.

Walking in the house I see TGF on the phone not looking happy. This is not a good thing. I quietly check email trying to distract my brain from trying to guess what is happening. She gets off the phone and just blurts out that it was the regional guy from Best Cellular Network Ever company. First of all apparently the store was supposed to open July 1st. No one told us that! All we knew was the end of July. Wee bit different no? Things have changed yet again. The new scheduled date for opening is October 1st, that's why he called. As she tell me the new date my head explodes and only a few clear thoughts can be found. Yeah, she can come to camp with me! Whew, my work with DNE won't get screwed with. OMG more rent we will owe forever. Oh, now she can grab those free Mac G3s and sell them for some cash.

Dramatically I walked into the bedroom, throw myself upon the bed and just lie there for a few moments. A loud series of growls or something emits from my body. Realizing this is not a mature way to handle things I walk out back to find TGF sucking on a sin stick. We begin to talk about various options. The breathing room is really welcome. TGF also had the same thought about going to camp, great minds and all that.

Right now it seems that we will keep moving through our crap, sorting, freecycling, selling, and tossing. Packing will commence fairly soon. Luckily I hadn't scheduled the evite mailing until this coming Sunday so I don't need to send out a change. The move has been pushed back until early September, probably soon after I return from camp. This again has shades of the past as in 2001 I went to camp, came back to Northampton, stayed at a friend's while I packed the end pieces of my house and hit the road on September 10th 2001. Looks like if we do the same sort of schedule we will load the truck on the 10th and leave on the 11th. Shoot me now.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The time has come for desparate measures

Breena asked me about the whys of our parting with things. By the way, folks go read her sometime, she's great.

One - We have a lot of things we don't really need. Like old bank statements, sewing patterns I have never used, nail polish I have no patience to bother with. Why move it? Lots is moving out of here via Freecycle. Every time I put a labeled bag on my porch I feel a bit gleeful. It is so lovely being able to give new life to things.

Two - The reason I have been hauling bags of clothing around (Rockridge Rags is next up for my "look at this lovely stuff" act), advertising things like a fax machine, a file cabinet, china and other things is we are dead broke. Seriously folks. We have been scrapping by for over a year now. I have no credit left on my two cards. There is not a savings accounts. Nada.

To move we need to rent a moving truck, hire some guys to load our heavy furniture, pay for gas across country and live on cheap peanut butter and bread from now until god knows when. Keep the critters fed. Oh yeah, and put first, last and security on a place sight unseen so we have somewhere to unload the truck.

So in addition to my nekkid dances in the moonlight by the bay I have added a "donate" button on my sidebar. It feels weird and in truth I don't expect to get anything but I have to try everything, you know?

Psst. Speaking of which....

I still got that china.

I'm just saying....

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

In which our heroine feels thwarted by her universe

Absolutely thwarted I tell you. Or maybe cursed. Either is not fun let me assure you in case you had any delusions that this is a good thing.

I am trying to clear things out of here, much of it good shape, and get some cash. Thinking I had a bit of equity if you will in my china I put it on craigslits, Berkeley Parent's Network. Nada. Ebay, ditto. Contacted three auction house to try that route. Essentially I got laughed at via the phone and email. My mother's wedding china would cost me over three grand to replace but I cannot sell it for anything like that, or even one third of that amount. Anyone want a mid-century collection setting for 12 plus some serving pieces? Cheap!

Today I brought a couple of bags of clothing, all nice stuff- some never worn, to two second hand stores.. None of it even old. The first place bought only two crappy pair of shoes that my mother bought at Ross's during her visit to the west coast. Hideous things. Seven bucks. Hop over to the other place hoping for better luck. Here there is a huge line. A number of nice people so some pleasant little chats. Got a few rows of knitting done on T'Mane's top. Haven't been knitting much but both pieces really have a deadline now. Finally get to the table and again, no luck. Two more pieces gone for twelve bucks. Woo-freaking-hoo.

No nibbles on the majority of stuff I posted on craigslist. No extra hours last week at work. Doesn't look like any will happen this week either. It's depressing. Sunday night I went to sleep about midnight only to wake up about 4am unable to shut my brain off so I padded into the living room. That's when I wrote my last post, in the early hours of Monday morning. I feel like I'm such a roller coaster of emotions. One moment I'm feeling positive, virtuous even- like when I went through my entire four drawer file cabinet- another moment like after the first clothing store, incredibly angry. Speaking of which, anyone looking for an eclectic selection of clothing? Cheap? Some books at a bargain. A set of four vintage champagne glasses for $10? Bah humbug.

I'm tired of doing my nekkid dances in the moonlight on the shores of bay and not getting anything in return. Anyone else want to cast some spells?

Monday, June 11, 2007

Dayton is the new BFE?

According to a friend it is considered BFE, a phrase I was barely familiar with not that long ago even as I pined over properties in various hilltowns in Massachusetts that would certainly bare relation to that moniker. A dear blogger friend just wrote about BFE, pondering from whence the name came and why Egypt. I share the same wonder about Egypt and I love her argument for the number of syllables needed. Totally makes sense about the flow. Was Egypt once known as a hotbed of hidden, illicit anal sex? Was Egypt hard to find, hardly seems plausible. In a quick search on the net I found this, as a half-arsed explanation: As far as I know, Bumfuk, Egypt (or BFE) is the term used by armed forces services members (especially serving in the Middle East) to mean way the hell out in the middle of nowhere where you just don't want to go. That sounds familiar but still don't know if that is the root of the phrase.

She also went on about organic food prices, a dilemma I share as we too live below the poverty line here at Casa de Cedar, which is a large motivator for this move.
I do find it amusing, or rather ironic that if all goes as planned we will soon have the money needed to buy the organic, healthier versions of the food and products I have shunned from lack of funds. That I no longer be where Thai restaurants are everywhere to dazzle my palate, that finding a yoga or pilates class won't be a matter of which one to choose but going to the only one in a 10-mile radius of home. The upside is that I will likely cook more, even if I have to shop harder because I can get all the ingredients I want (that I can find anyway) when I want them.

As I plow through various searches about my new area I learn fascinating things. Like Dayton is less safe than Oakland or NYC. Okay I can't find that site right now but trust me, I was stunned. Then there is the little tidbit about Ohio being "known" for serial killers, at least that's what TGF tells me. I'm having trouble finding anything like confirmation on the web, thank goodness for small favors.

Compliments of, I learned that I will be living in the least LGBT populated place I have ever called home. Now I do realize I was raised in NYC, moved to Northampton MA (land of "10,000 kissing, cuddling lesbians") and then to Oakland (the greatest number of lesbians in a major city anywhere), and finally to Berkeley, right next door. To say that I find this change daunting is a bit of an understatement. It is not like I was majorly ensconced in "the lesbian community" in any of these places, because I wasn't, but in part because of the make up of the areas there wasn't really a need to seek it out, you know?

Last night as I whined about making a decision about clothing in the morning since Monday is my day at Stars R Us I realized I have it lucky there in that I seriously can wear just about anything. It is a very casual environment, especially on Mondays. That got me to thinking about job hunting in the Dayton area. I looked very seriously at TGF and asked if she thought I would have to take out my nose ring. Probably because she wants me to be happy and not give up much, she quickly shook her head no. Almost as quickly another look came over her face. It was the type of look where one could see the cogs clicking into place as her face fell, the confidence in her first answer leaking out. "Well, um, maybe?" she said with uncertainty as to how to answer this question. I offered that I would take the silver ring out and replace it with a tiny stud for interviews. She nodded affirmatively that that might be a good solution.

BFE indeed.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Eastward, Ho!

One of my loyal and adored readers, JBeeky, asked for an update so here is what we have so far. Not much.

There is still no date from The Communications Company (ha!), so we have no idea when we should plot our move.

How we are moving is still up in the air. Latest idea is that we rent a U-Haul that gorgeous, strong men and women load for us. At least the heavy furniture. Trailer The Purple Beast on that. Scrounge up more funds to purchase a trailer thingy that the other car will tow for the cats and that we could sleep in some of the nights while we travel.

In the meantime we are each sorting through belongings. The piles include freecycle, craigslist, recycle, trash, paperback swap, Crossroad/Buffalo Exchange. and a bunch of "what do we do with it?"

Recently I had a terrible thought for which I of course found solution. The first time I transversed the country to move to California from Massachuetts, September 11th happened. The date of my departure was planned for quite sometime. I left the morning of September 10th, with many friends stopping by as I shoved the last of my belongings and my drugged cat into my truck. It was a very sad morning. I landed in Buffalo, NY that evening to stay with Darci, Rich and their baby Sophie. In the morning Darci shut off the television so we could have our last in person chat. My cell phone, which was brand new, rang but I knew it was my partner C (now my ex) and blew it off. When I got in to my car there were two messages, I turned on the radio and began to check messages.

Stunned is a good way to quickly sum up my feelings. It was incredibly surreal. When I heard the Tower had fallen all I could say into the phone was that it wasn't possible. I had watched them finish the North Tower as a kid living in Brooklyn, the tops of those buildings were in my sight daily. That evening I landed in Elkhart Indiana and finally saw the images. It was a very eerie trip across country.

In November of 2004 I flew to Ohio to help TGF move out here. She voted and we drove The Purple Beast loaded with her essentials and her cat Gracie. Bush was reelected. 'Nuff said. Hard to say which was worse for the nation. The idea of moving across country again began started to feeling tainted, doomed if you will.

However I realized something! This time I was heading east, turning back the tide, righting the world's axis even. When this thought occurred to me I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The pressure of my movements effecting the country, nigh, the world was quite the burden.

So that's the quick update. Essentially we are moving forward despite our finances, hire dates, moving details being in a holding pattern.

Friday, June 01, 2007

In which our heroine finds herself in a state of shock

Yes, yes, I know I haven't been writing. I thought about it a number of times but I have been, well, distracted and actual news of the state of the republic, as it were, has been lacking.

Until now.

Just a bit ago TGF (she really deserves a better moniker, doesn't she?) spoke with her Boy Wonder who said, oh yes you're hired we just need to find a store to put you in. The store in Springboro (aka White & Dykeless town) still isn't ready yet. Apparently all the permits are in but the contractor has to put the finishing touches on it. So actual start date and possibly location of a job are a little shaky. Somehow I felt even more freaked out by knowing that this is a sure thing rather than panicking about not knowing.

There are a few thousand things to do to make this work. One of the biggest things to work out is figuring out the funding for this move. Unfortunately TGF's mother seems to go back and forth about support, financial and otherwise. This is not a new thing, their relationship is complex and layered. Yeah I know, what parent/child dyad isn't, right? However we will both be near to her family now so this could become a more consistent issue in our home. Not surprisingly I am recommending that TGF be more open and honest with her mom. Equally unsurprisingly she is somewhat resistant to this method. I have confidence that things for the move will work out through some means or another. Maybe I should put a PayP*l button on my blog - yeah that would raise enough for a few stamps.

We are very fortunate that some friends have offered to help with packing even though they are not happy we are going. It will be hard to leave our family of choice here, though we will all keep in touch as much as possible. Mostly I try not to think about leaving Jennie, Ruthie, Sue, Sarah, Pam, Ruth, Doreen, Kerrie, Mike, Terri, Candice, Priscilla, Heather, and lots more. Okay I need to stop now because I'll start bawling if I think about this part any longer.

Soon we will have a date for our house cooling. At least I hope so. Y'all are invited!