Enter 2006

I suppose it seems that given the time of year that one should have something of import to write about, but I don't. The last week has been lovely in so many ways and I have taken time since solstice to reflect and ponder. This past year has been full, very full, emotional in stunning ways, revealing, with periods of grieving, and great eras of joy.

This time last year I was recognizing how much I needed to reorientate my life, almost against my will to be with The Girl Friend and move away from the partner I had been with for almost 12 years. We three tried all sorts of things, planned great plans, dreamed of unique ways to be a unit that was whole and connected. In the end, everything showed my path was elsewhere despite the pain it caused me, and ultimately others, especially my other partner. The transition period was rough, mostly because I entered it kicking and screaming for an easier way. Through it all I never questioned the ending of my long term relationship. Terror would run through me when I realized how much I was changing everything for a woman I had been with for less than a year. However I would remind myself that growth is hard and worth it, that your life has a path and as it is walked, you have to make choices, all choices have consequences - that very often there is no wrong choice, just the one that you make.

I moved to a house that is the closest to my dream space as I have ever had and we have filled it with animals, love, and possibilites. Along with a truck load of stuff. In many ways I feel more myself than I have in a long time. I am more social. I am in a couple that is capable of being social. We have already had two large-ish parties, created a special tradition for this time of year - that is amazing to me.

My mother's diagnosis of cancer has yielded some incredible moments for me. Many of them are within myself, in my ability to grieve, to be angry, to delight in her. I remain awestruck by our visit in November. It was one of the best times I can ever remember having with her. My love for her, my ability to simply be with her was such a gift, I hope for both of us.

I have rediscovered deep love of my animals that for some reason was a bit locked away for a very long time. The attachment I have to some of the other species in my household blow me away - the vast of love I feel is incredible. It is like I have been able to access something buried that I didn't even realize I was missing. Again, I feel so blessed.

Last night, at about 20 minutes before midnight, we and Wyatt, went off to the dog park. From Point Isabel one has a lovely view of the city and we wanted to see the fireworks. They were beautiful. But more beautiful was sitting, cuddled into The Girl Friend, Wyatt in the back seat and just being there, in the moment. It was a short, quiet, semi-private (there were a few other cars there) celebration and I hope to do it next year.