Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Better Now, Thanks for Asking

It is not unusual for one of my black moods to just disappear. Sometimes I am just grateful, sometimes it confuses me. Other times it scares the bejesus out of me because I feel so powerless, like there is this amazing lack of control. like my mind is outside of my range. Maybe it wouldn't scare me so much if mental illness didn't run rampant through my family. The ghost of bipolar illness sometimes haunts me after a day like yesterday.

My mother was diagnosed with bipolar illness several years ago, following decades of struggle, years of the wrong medication. It has made me more vigilant, more worried when I have a crash. Of course I can give you a litany of very real things that "caused" yesterday's black cloud and some of them are very much about circumstance and not a sign of my mind leaping and falling at whim of the chemicals that race around there with no ability to balance.

As yesterday evening ran on I was able to knit on TGF's sweater (my NaKniSweMo) and my mood lightened a bit. Today I was able to go shopping, attempt to take Wyatt to the Bark Park (don't ask, he was Mr CrankyPants so it was short visit). Later I went to Therapy Cafe for the knit group meet up that happens there. Dainty Kitty was there and it was really good to see her. Greeneye was super friendly and had some great felted bags she had made. And, and, and I met someone from the neighborhood. She lives practically around the corner from me and I love her avatar. Squeezleknits inspired me to consider yet another popular pattern.

As of tonight I am just about 1.5 rows from binding off some stitches for armholes and needing to purchase needles to cast on for sleeves. Finishing by the 30th isn't a guaranteed thing at all but I am happy to be making progress. I am officially thanking NaKniSweMo for kicking my butt into gear to make an adult sized sweater for the first time.

So, yes, I'm better today Jer.

3 comments:

Ancrene Wiseass said...

I'm glad you're happier today. I know exactly what you mean about how scary these moods can be.

Jeriann said...

Thanks for letting me know you are okay. Code and I worry about our Aunt Dharma!

Jennie said...

I'm so impressed you've attempted NaKniSweMo. I don't know whether you finished (still reading), but attempting is huge just the same.

Glad your black mood lifted.