A Grateful Day

Since moving west I have had no consistency regarding the holidays, having found no rhythm. It is unclear whether this is a bad thing, just the way it, or a new fluidity about the seasons.

The first Thanksgiving I was invited our to my friends' Suzi and Tracy's and asked to make the turkey. Using Cooks Illustrated (aka the bible) I made the best turkey I have EVER eaten. And the gravy? OMG I had no idea it could be that good.

In 2002, I flew east and went to my family's just like the old days. Yesterday I was reminded of a memory from that trip. The sun was low, the clouds light gray with streaks of yellow from the setting sun and the light reminded of the almost horizontal light of late November in Massachusetts. Here it was dusk closing in and difference was stark in my memory.

Reflecting back I cannot remember what I did in 2003. How weird is that? Really it's blank. Maybe nothing at all.

But the next year was crazy, absolutely wild. It was only about two weeks before that TGF and I arrived here from a cross country drive. I was still also involved with C, my partner of 12 years. C and I had long before made plans to fly to the east coast again. TGF had plans to fly back to Ohio for the holiday and a dear friend's surprise birthday party. Earlier in the calendar TGF and I had talked about me going with her to this shindig when the dates were different. Both C and I were missing TGF, I felt like I was being split in two. Enough said about that.

Last year Jennie hosted a gathering at her home attended by us and Sue & Sarah with Isaiah. It was lively, loving, and really sweet. In some way I think I was hoping something like that would be the future of the holiday.

This year Jennie has a sweetie and was going to Kyle's family. We had two invitations from friends, but honestly we considered staying home. I can't tell why this was an option, perhaps it due to both of us feeling a bit rootless, trying to find our way as a couple and how we "do" the holidays. In the end we opted for going Sue and Sarah because they are like family and we knew it would be easy, good, and fulfilling. And it was. It was sweet, easy, delicious and close. The food was really yummy too. Sometimes I have gone to other people's holiday gatherings and felt like a total outsider, and though Sarah's* twin brother Darius, and their father and his wife were there, it felt more harmonious than I even hoped for.

I am grateful for my relationship, with ups and downs and large learning curves some days. My love is for her continues to grow and on a totally shallow note, she looked so frigging cute tonight. Having friends that accept me on the level of chosen family is a gift that I am honored by on a regular basis. A house full of amazing and annoying animals - they keep me laughing every day, they cuddle, and restrict my sleep. I can't imagine what it would be like without. As much as I think chemo is a form of poison I am so grateful for the increase of odds it give me to keep my mother around longer. There is so much more but this post would get even more dull.

Good night.

*Edited. Because I was tired I had written in the earlier version that it was Sue's twin. Jeez. That turkey stupor!