Yesterday was not a good day. Not at all. Not even a little.
(Yes I read a lot of Dr. Seuss why do you ask?)
A few days ago, last week maybe, I made mention of a terrible split with a friend. Well that dispute raised it's head again on Wednesday which was upsetting but believe it or not was made worse yesterday. Worse is not only means thoughts and words forming obsession thoughts but nausea, shaking, crying. It was not a pretty day.
In the midst of all of that Charmed was on in the background and it was the episode where the sisters are at risk of losing their powers for being too blatant, careless, and maybe taking them for granted a bit too much. I have always identified the most with Phoebe, (although I have a lot of Piper too what with the cooking thing/potion making/mama thing) and others have said that as well. The resolution in this episode is that she loses her active powers. At the same time I was recognizing that as much as I have learned and tried to not fall back on bad habits, I still had work to do.
So I guess this is my public acknowledgment that I am more human, much more fallible that I like to remember. The work on oneself is never done and I guess this was another knock on my walls to come down a bit, to learn that doors and windows are a good thing. It feels like I have been fed a lot of humble pie in the last few months. (For those wondering, nosy Jbeeky, my blogger BBF!, I did not get the job at American Video. I am choosing to believe they had equally bright but more under than over qualified candidates that would not bolt the first chance they got.) What this all also means is that I need to reach out to my friends instead of hoping that they just know what I need. That I need to put some ideals aside and move in a different direction. That I need to work on getting real sleep one of these years. That and a million other ways that I need to continue to strive toward a better version of me.