For at least a week or so I kept thinking that there was a birthday I was forgetting about. TGF was February 1st. Jennie was January 29. Aunt Suze February 5th. My grandmother's would have been, I think, 90 on Wednesday. There wasn't another one I could conjure up until the 13th.
Suddenly yesterday I see an email with the subject "Re: Where you can find us" - the title I gave a post I wrote to many people once we had established residence. It was from Elaine, a former client. Her lovely daughter turned one and her mama was touching base with me. This birth was a hard one, I wrote about it here (it's labeled graphic because for some it would be, not for me but others maybe).
This is just the sort of thing that makes me ache to go back to the work. It is so special to be present at a birth, clients touch you in a major if short lived way. Those last moments of a birth, those first moments a new life in the room, it's like breathing in god. Somewhere in the chaos of the year since that birth, my subconscious remembered and kept nudging me. Had Elaine not written, I would have never realized what I kept searching for, and I could only begin to tell her in my email back to her how much it meant to me to hear from her. To hear how happy she is with her life as a parent, how much her daughter fills her with joy. I miss witnessing the glimmers of that doing doula work. I don't miss being on call but I miss the work, the joy in those rare moments that are not replicated by anything else I have even done.
Happy Birthday Hattie.