Did Patraeus step down because he had an affair, or because it was discovered, or because he may have said things to his beloved that breach confidentiality?
Was Eliot Spitzer booted out because he had sex with prostitutes? If he didn't "pay" for sex, would he have been hounded out of office?
The attack on Clinton was because of extra-marital affair, really? You think?
There are dozens of other examples, and examples of other countries not caring about monogamy on the part of it's leaders, but here in the United States our puritanical roots are showing no matter how much bleach we use. Often the argument is that if our leaders cannot fidelitious to their spouses then how can they be trusted to run a country. It seems to me that personal values are being confused with the ethos that are need to keep a nation from war, to be culturally wise when dealing with world leaders, to begin to balance a ridiculous budget, and to even begin to understand our tax code. Sex is about intimacy, release, coping with stress, hormones, culture, power, and fun. Jobs of leadership are frequently not fun, stressful, full of surface comradery - seems a perfect recipe to want fun, exciting, nothing to do with your work.
It seems likely that all people slip up in telling state secrets, the larger issue may be whether we can trust their bedmates not to sell them. But why assume the other woman or man, is any more dishonorable then the spouse on this issue? Spouse testify against one another all the time. It's possible that agreements of silence are signed, but that could be done with the lovers as well, couldn't? But no, because these are passionate, because they need the breath of fresh air of someone who is not connected to the swirling morass of complexity, because OhMyGod they like sex! They need to be condemned.
I would like to be more articulate on this matter and write a lovely diatribe on the anti-sex nation that we live in but it's not going to happen. Consider this an incoherent rant by an exhausted graduate student who has a presentation tomorrow, and a quiz due by tomorrow night, a house to clean, and key problem to solve before leaving town on Wednesday.