Sunday, November 06, 2005

Gray day, gray me

So I woke up and was mildly productive, fighting the encroaching ennui. (How's that for fancy language?) It worked pretty well for awhile, but my focus was, well, incapable of anything of real import. Laundry, dishes, feline care, going through the Sunday coupons - done. Studying, not done. I tried, I seriously did. I dutifully rounded up the syllabus, looked at the possible threads to reply on (once the reading was done), realized I needed my state's code of ethics. Found them, printed them. Opened the book and couldn't make the words connect.

Felt like maybe I should talk to someone, but really couldn't figure out anyone who seemed like a good choice. Everyone just seemed shy of what I needed. One that hurt was that I just don't trust Michele enough to really call her right now. Especially given her lack of follow up with me the last time I told her something heavy. I did tell her about my mom, but I haven't heard from her since. No surprise but doesn't make her a great choice at the moment. The only person I could think of is the one person who won't speak to me and hasn't for nearly five years. Denis. I miss him so much, even when I am so angry at him, like now. His absence leaves such a void in my life. I suppose given that I am facing my mother's mortality, I am grasping at not losing anyone else, though I suspect he really is long gone.

So, since there was no one to call, I decided to blog, only to not be able to get on, since I am now working on the Junior Miss laptop as Serving Tray is not well. My login crap isn't stored here. I kept trying to get on with the wrong user name. Figured it out, finally. Did I mention that I am having trouble focusing today? So here I am trying to find the, I don't know what, to get caught up in Ethics (owe two weeks now since I finally did Week 3 yesterday) and Relationship and Family Intervention (two weeks behind). We won't even talk about the other classes since they don't have weekly assignment. From skimming through the Blackboard system (my school is online) I see that I already owe a couple of papers and again, we won't discuss what's coming up.

Maybe I should just try another class entirely.

Or knit. Finished girlfriend's ear warmer/head band. Don't think she's worn yet! Fine. It was rainy and miserable today when she went to the dog park. Fie!
Made great progress on the beret for mum only to realize that it would fit a small dog. Took it out and am trying a new pattern. If I get cranking it should be finished before I leave. I am thinking of trying to make fingerless gloves to match. If I have enough yarn. Who knows.

Okay. Maybe some dinner would help. Thai shrimp Gyozas perhaps? They are in the freezer, easy to prepare. Off to try something.

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