Friday, November 13, 2009

Sleep continues to be a troubling thing, which is nothing new but still annoying as last week I had two or three nights of (for me) totally blissful rest. For several weeks now I remember more dreams, some are easy to figure out, others clearly are the twisted version of a brain dump.

Tonight I hope to attempt sleep at a reasonable hour but for now I hear the rain hitting the side of house, slapping against hardy foliage that is still on bushes. Early this morning the light was a soft gray outside the window but I declined to rise at that hour. Mid morning, while the light was bright I did a new path for my 3 mile walk, noting the piles of leaves on the curb, left I suppose for a sweeper machine to gather them. Today, as most days, the wind lifted off the top layers of the piles like someone ruffling a child's hair, or turned a random grouping of dessicated flora into a circle dance traveling down the street until the spiral unwound itself and they scattered once more as if they had never engaged in joyous movement.

On the path in Silver Lake Park the river occasionally rushed in places, adding to the ambient noises that were my soundtrack. The leaves crunched and crumbled under my feet. Unlike a lot of people these days, I walk with no little corded buds stuck in my ears. At least not yet. It give me a chance to purposely avoid all media, and often all conversation, to just be, to let my mind wander. It struck me that it is like a form of meditation, one that works for me. Today's realization: I tend to not perseverate on my faults, my worries, my fears. It would seem that my walks have more than one health benefit, what a happy find. Once in a while there was a tiny flash of rain, not even a sprinkle, more like a mist yet the sky was bright.

As I tackled the last incline once I was back on the road I gave myself credit for sticking with my walking goals. I also thought about how much I like taking care of myself. Later the sky went a deeper gray, the sun in hiding and I thought how long a day really is, how many moods the sky has in daylight. Just like me.

Now I feel mostly relaxed, hopeful about sleep, and looking forward to next steps of all kinds.

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