No I didn't go anywhere, this is the metaphorical valley, where one resides when they fall from a lovely high. Last night I stayed up too late, tired but not wanting to give in to sleep, alone in a bed for the first time in two weeks. As the light rose I woke frequently but was now on the other side of things, not wanting to get up and face the day. Drifting in the in between state I thought how I didn't feel like hauling down to the city for Janet's performance (as much as I love her and wanted to go), nor was I feeling inspired to head up to New Paltz tomorrow for any part of the DNE weekend. I was in a wallowing mood. Feeling sad for myself at all the things I need to do that I have been setting aside.
I thought about why I wasn't enjoying this quietude more and I realized that staying at Sunny's is a stop gap, that I had left home behind with BC. Everywhere else has become the place I visit. But it just feels too soon, way too soon to move in so I am left with figuring out my next steps about where to be in between visits home.
As much as I have loved the last seven plus months of bouncing about, it is getting a little old, harder to focus within all this. There are time I so want a dresser and a closet that it is almost an ache. In the meantime I will hang things up here at Sunny's, finally, instead of having them in five different places. It's a step towards normalcy.
So tonight I am in my little packed room of stuff, mostly Sunny's but my mess overruns the space as well, missing my sweetheart, taking a break from knitting, making a list of the things I will accomplish in the next two weeks before I go home again, home again jiggity jig.