Monday, May 14, 2007

Hello darkness, my old friend

Well I thought about writing when it still light out. I want to thank everyone for their supportive comments. It was striking to me how many of you found something that resonated in my last post. On one hand I am happy that I was able to articulate something that was deeply felt, but on the other I am sad that so many of us know that place so well.

I also thought I was going to write that there has been a lightening going on here. There has been, really. I haven't been feeling quite so gloomy, a bit more patient. For those astute readers you may note that is being posted at an ungodly hour. I have not yet gone to sleep. I tried, I really did. But my old friend anxiety and I werelikethis in the television lit bedroom. Yes, I tried shutting it off and the voices in my head only got louder. Even when I was finally about to quiet the deafening sounds of eviction fears, calculating what I would sell for quick cash and rearranging things to rent out my office for income, my brain and body would not shut down.

Since I had read recently that if you can't fall asleep, it is better to go into another room until you get sleepy enough to attempt sleep. Well, it's just shy of 5am and I have to be at work at 9am. Yeah, sleep? Not happening anytime soon. I know from past experience of cramming for school and birth work that a two hour nap is worse at this point. I suspect that scanning craigslist and not finding anything to apply does not help with relaxation. Mind numbing data entry is going to be a bitch in a few hours. I predict my productivity level will be down.The up side to being up at this hour is that I was able to respond to some Dance New England emails that came through.

Anyway, now I'm sleepy!


Jbeeky said...

I went through about a year of heavy insomnia. It was hell. Right now I use CALM, a magnisium supplement drink at night. It works pretty good. I am sorry you are going through this time. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Bitter Betty said...

Go to sleep, woman!