Or more accurately, peeved and irritated. It is uttered by women about women and yet I find it belittling and sexist. The phrase has been circling around for a few years, I can find a reference dating back to 2004. The offending catchy and annoying verbiage is girl crush. I avoided even typing it as long as I possibly could without driving my readers crazy. From the first time I heard it rubbed me the wrong way completely, and initially it was hard for me to put my finger on why it disturbed me so much. But the more I heard it the more I realized that it felt like derogatory version of what was truly being expressed.
A "girl crush" appears to describe one woman finding another woman admirable, intelligent, graceful, creative - whatever appropriate adjective applies. This is used by heterosexual women to describe being "smitten" in a totally nonsexual way; though often straight women will offer up example of stars that they have a "girl crush" and clearly find the option of their obsession totally sexy and hint that they would maybe even do, as in wouldn't kick out of bed. It is important to note that I have so far only seen a sexual tone of the crush being applied to famous people so there is no chance of having to face the fluidity of sexual identity, which is borders dangerously close to homophobia.
The overall notion is not new however it has been posited that it has not been been used so openly in several generations. It also sounds rather Single White Female in some of the descriptions found online. Apparently it can be used to describe a whole section of the population in a very negative fashion (this link demands a separate post by someone way smarter than me). Makes me love this term even more, not. Moving on. The Times article suggests that it's better than a boy crush because there is no break up, except other sources strongly suggest that's not true. Some suggest that crushes can become great friendships, others say no. One thing I have noticed about a lot these crushes is that the object of affection represents what the crusher longs to be, how they would like to be perceived.
This I think is the crux of the problem for me - by naming your role model a crush it feels like the crusher has no faith that they can attain those traits, that their desire to grow and develop is not realistic - that it is indeed trivial enough to be a fleeting connection, a one-sided relationship. What a sad statement the women are making about their faith in themselves.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
In which our heroine had shopping success
Thanks be to Andi I had the best time shopping at Village Discount Outlet today. She introduced me to this place last year and I have never failed to score excellent deals. There are two thrift stores in near each other (I think I got the name right) but I've only been to the one on Linden. I seriously {heart} this place. For under $24 USD I scored:
- a deep cranberry/purple (hard to describe) long, lined rain/trench coat by Fleet Street for $4.00. A quick search on the web tells me that even though it's a few years old I scored big time!
- a pair of The Limited black pants that are great for work, more casual than I've been wearing but dressier then the bulk of my closet for $1.25.
- another pair of pants by Clio, which seems like it might be a defunct company but fit great
- a little black sweater with mock turtleneck, because one can never have too man black tops
- a fabulous electric green lightweight sweater with 3/4 sleeves
- a more casual green top that will work for the job
- a reddish purplish cotton top with a little lacing at the neckline, more for fun than work
- two dress tops that are great for work
- a cute long cardigan in autumn red, brown, and burnt orange colors that closing with a simple thin leather like tie just below the bustline
- a skirt with great embroidery that Her Geekyness doesn't like and doesn't quite fit me, it's the only loser in the bunch.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
A Matter of Civil Rights
The idea that marriage for lesbians and gay men was something to work for entered my life as a living breathing entity when my friend Ninia Baehr whom I meet when she was began working with me at Eve's Garden in NYC. We became fast friends bonding over a myriad of issues including the research for her Masters thesis; we talked about the interviews for the project while shipping dildoes across the country. When her thesis was published she listed me in the acknowledgments which touched me greatly. She moved to Hawaii, I moved to Massachusetts but we stayed in contact (imagine it, we managed that without the benefits of email and online social networking!).
In late 1990 or maybe it was early 1991 I received a news clipping from her about her latest project - suing the state of Hawaii for the right to marry. Initially the ruling was in the couples' (there were three couples) quest. Ninia and I had many conversations over the years about this case and the ideals behind it. She wasn't sure she wanted to marry her then partner, Genora, but the fact that she didn't have the option rankled her. I agreed with her. As the case dragged she and Genora moved to to the mainland landing in Maryland. The two of them traveled doing what she called "dog and pony shows" to raise money and awareness. I drove to Boston to surprise her at one of these shindigs back in 1996, I think it was and supported her. Sometime between when this started in 1990 and before it ended in 1999, Ninia and Genora's relationship dissolved which I knew about but needed to be kept quiet in public. It was challenging and incredibly stressful for Ninia to keep doing these ''shows" while separating from her partner but her committment to the right to marry never waivered.
The world of marriage in the United States for lesbian, gays, bisexuals, and transgender/genderqueer folks has changed a lot since I received that clipping in 1991. The world of marriage in the United States for a lot of populations have changed a great deal. African Americans could not marry one another during slavery. There were laws in various place that prevented marriages between caucasians and asians as well. In the scheme things marriage for LBGT folks doesn't seem to be such a far off.
Except in many ways it is because it seems that a lot of people don't want to share the word "marriage". Civil unions are okay, domestic partnerships are acceptable, but marriage? It seems that is what rankles. Civil unions and domestic partnerships are nice but relatively useless when compared with marriage which is gifted with state and federal benefits galore. I have personally experienced the benefits of marriage and the limitations of domestic partnerships; the ease of being covered by benefits on a spouse's work insurance and the financial hell of trying to use the education benefit for my "partner". I worked the difference to my benefit when living with my partner by claiming her as a "tenent" in order to maximize my taxes since my home now qualified as a rental.
So what's the real problem here. The problem, to me, is that marriage as it stands in this country marriage is a dual entity, a clear blend of church and state which stands in stark contradiction to the proclaimation that the two should be kept separate. Yes there are those who do civil marriages (which I did, and many of my friends have), there are friends who have done spiritual unions and not filed for the other piece (which I have also done because I had no choice as I could not legally marry in Massachusetts at that time). But why should they be linked as they seem to be and have been historically. Sure one can go to city hall and walk out with all the attending benefits and responsibilities but why call it marriage? In Vermont, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Connecticut, Oregon, New Hampshire, Hawaii, Maine, California, Washington there exists varying degrees of marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships granting varying levels of state benefits. Well that's fine if you never ever move and are a tax resistor who doesn't file federal taxes.
If everyone had to go to city hall to file for a civil union in order to get the benefits handed out to those brave, foolish, hopeful enough to believe in legally tangling their lives with someone else and leave marriage to the spiritual or celebratory union to be held in the anytime with or without the legal piece. How hard would that be?
In Loving v. Virginia the right for interracial marriage was taken up by the ACLU as a civil rights matter. The decision says, in part:
Proposition 8 in California has unleased a nationwide response, mostly of anger and hurt. Melissa Etheridge has written that if she is not granted all the rights of any other citizen than the state of California should not expect her to pay taxes. She has a point. Today there were demonstrations throughout the country to express the disappointment, the anger, to make clear that we will not be silent. Though California's proposition was not the only state in this year's election to pass anti-marriage bills - Arizona, Arkansas and Florida also did, California has borne the weight of the LBGT's outrage because of marriage was possible and this is the first strike in moving to change the laws.
The other day I posted my notion for handling civil unions/marriages to a primarily liberal, aware community that I am part of and was reminded that such folks are unaware of the limitations of civil unions, that there could be another way to do things. It is up to those us who are personally involved because of we are not straight, or those who love people who are not straight to make clear that this is not about "marriage" but about civil rights, about equality.
Personally I don't know that I would take advantage of getting the civil right associated by legally committing to a partner but I am damn certain that I should get to make that decision and not the government.
I'm not certain this piece is as clear, or on target as I would like but I hope it inspires my readers to think about this issue and go find better articles on the subject.
In late 1990 or maybe it was early 1991 I received a news clipping from her about her latest project - suing the state of Hawaii for the right to marry. Initially the ruling was in the couples' (there were three couples) quest. Ninia and I had many conversations over the years about this case and the ideals behind it. She wasn't sure she wanted to marry her then partner, Genora, but the fact that she didn't have the option rankled her. I agreed with her. As the case dragged she and Genora moved to to the mainland landing in Maryland. The two of them traveled doing what she called "dog and pony shows" to raise money and awareness. I drove to Boston to surprise her at one of these shindigs back in 1996, I think it was and supported her. Sometime between when this started in 1990 and before it ended in 1999, Ninia and Genora's relationship dissolved which I knew about but needed to be kept quiet in public. It was challenging and incredibly stressful for Ninia to keep doing these ''shows" while separating from her partner but her committment to the right to marry never waivered.
The world of marriage in the United States for lesbian, gays, bisexuals, and transgender/genderqueer folks has changed a lot since I received that clipping in 1991. The world of marriage in the United States for a lot of populations have changed a great deal. African Americans could not marry one another during slavery. There were laws in various place that prevented marriages between caucasians and asians as well. In the scheme things marriage for LBGT folks doesn't seem to be such a far off.
Except in many ways it is because it seems that a lot of people don't want to share the word "marriage". Civil unions are okay, domestic partnerships are acceptable, but marriage? It seems that is what rankles. Civil unions and domestic partnerships are nice but relatively useless when compared with marriage which is gifted with state and federal benefits galore. I have personally experienced the benefits of marriage and the limitations of domestic partnerships; the ease of being covered by benefits on a spouse's work insurance and the financial hell of trying to use the education benefit for my "partner". I worked the difference to my benefit when living with my partner by claiming her as a "tenent" in order to maximize my taxes since my home now qualified as a rental.
So what's the real problem here. The problem, to me, is that marriage as it stands in this country marriage is a dual entity, a clear blend of church and state which stands in stark contradiction to the proclaimation that the two should be kept separate. Yes there are those who do civil marriages (which I did, and many of my friends have), there are friends who have done spiritual unions and not filed for the other piece (which I have also done because I had no choice as I could not legally marry in Massachusetts at that time). But why should they be linked as they seem to be and have been historically. Sure one can go to city hall and walk out with all the attending benefits and responsibilities but why call it marriage? In Vermont, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Connecticut, Oregon, New Hampshire, Hawaii, Maine, California, Washington there exists varying degrees of marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships granting varying levels of state benefits. Well that's fine if you never ever move and are a tax resistor who doesn't file federal taxes.
If everyone had to go to city hall to file for a civil union in order to get the benefits handed out to those brave, foolish, hopeful enough to believe in legally tangling their lives with someone else and leave marriage to the spiritual or celebratory union to be held in the anytime with or without the legal piece. How hard would that be?
In Loving v. Virginia the right for interracial marriage was taken up by the ACLU as a civil rights matter. The decision says, in part:
Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.Change the statement around to fit the LBTG population and see whether you think it still works; I do. The decision goes on to say:
There is patently no legitimate overriding purpose independent of invidious racial discrimination which justifies this classification. The fact that Virginia prohibits only interracial marriages involving white persons demonstrates that the racial classifications must stand on their own justification, as measures designed to maintain White Supremacy.Limiting marriage to heterosexuals does nothing but maintain that only different gendered people can marry. To what end? Who is protected? Is heterosexual marriage worthy of supremacy?
Proposition 8 in California has unleased a nationwide response, mostly of anger and hurt. Melissa Etheridge has written that if she is not granted all the rights of any other citizen than the state of California should not expect her to pay taxes. She has a point. Today there were demonstrations throughout the country to express the disappointment, the anger, to make clear that we will not be silent. Though California's proposition was not the only state in this year's election to pass anti-marriage bills - Arizona, Arkansas and Florida also did, California has borne the weight of the LBGT's outrage because of marriage was possible and this is the first strike in moving to change the laws.
The other day I posted my notion for handling civil unions/marriages to a primarily liberal, aware community that I am part of and was reminded that such folks are unaware of the limitations of civil unions, that there could be another way to do things. It is up to those us who are personally involved because of we are not straight, or those who love people who are not straight to make clear that this is not about "marriage" but about civil rights, about equality.
Personally I don't know that I would take advantage of getting the civil right associated by legally committing to a partner but I am damn certain that I should get to make that decision and not the government.
I'm not certain this piece is as clear, or on target as I would like but I hope it inspires my readers to think about this issue and go find better articles on the subject.Friday, November 14, 2008
Sometime I will write about deep thoughts
This job thing is kicking my butt and I have big ideas when my mind drifts (which it really shouldn't while at work but does), only to get home way too tired to write anything coherent. My bookmark folder, writing ideas, is bursting with links stored for anywhere from a day all the way to over a year ago I'm sure.
Some subjects/link titles that are rummaging around in my brain:
Tonight I went to the South Park Tavern for the first time since early September. Isn't that sad? It was nice to see some friends, the jukebox was often too loud, some good local political/social debates, silly talk, and getting to newer to the neighborhood folks.
I hope this weekend to sleep in, get a lot of knitting done, cuddling with Her Geekyness, and some quiet brain time. Big goals here people.
See you tomorrow!
Some subjects/link titles that are rummaging around in my brain:
- Prop 8 and the racism overtones
- "Girl crush"
- Nebraska Safe Haven Act
- My Dog, My Daily Zen Lesson
- Push Presents
- Living in A Porn Driven, 'Look at me' Culture
- Purity Promise
- Age and my life choice
- Pregnant Men
- Knitting projects
Tonight I went to the South Park Tavern for the first time since early September. Isn't that sad? It was nice to see some friends, the jukebox was often too loud, some good local political/social debates, silly talk, and getting to newer to the neighborhood folks.
I hope this weekend to sleep in, get a lot of knitting done, cuddling with Her Geekyness, and some quiet brain time. Big goals here people.
See you tomorrow!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thankful Thursday
I have some friends who do this TT thing and I have thought that it could be a good exercise. In these times of job stress it might be a good thing {tm}, you know?
2 - Thanks to said job I have decided to ditch the moniker of "TGF" (The Girl Friend) for my partner. It was a simplistic nickname when I started this blog which came from a joke long forgotten. I have never loved it and without thinking last week at work I referred to her as "Her Geekyness". I just asked her if it was okay with her if I changed her label on the blog and since she proud declares herself a geek, all is well.
3 - Thankful for Her Geekyness's support about the said job, which includes okaying me quitting once she is ensconced in a job, should I still want to leave.
4 - The snuggling of cats.
5 - My knit groups without which I would have any remaining bits of my sanity.
6 - My internet buds like Jbeeky, Mush, Mollena (not work safe!), Sarah, Melissa, Denise, and Rabbitch, just name a few.
The List
1 - Grateful for having a job that pays more than $8/hr.2 - Thanks to said job I have decided to ditch the moniker of "TGF" (The Girl Friend) for my partner. It was a simplistic nickname when I started this blog which came from a joke long forgotten. I have never loved it and without thinking last week at work I referred to her as "Her Geekyness". I just asked her if it was okay with her if I changed her label on the blog and since she proud declares herself a geek, all is well.
3 - Thankful for Her Geekyness's support about the said job, which includes okaying me quitting once she is ensconced in a job, should I still want to leave.
4 - The snuggling of cats.
5 - My knit groups without which I would have any remaining bits of my sanity.
6 - My internet buds like Jbeeky, Mush, Mollena (not work safe!), Sarah, Melissa, Denise, and Rabbitch, just name a few.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wordless Wednesday (nearly)
I am too tired to truly do this subject justice but for those who know, you can begin to guess some of my thoughts.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-25-Left-kids_N.htm
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,409262,00.html
http://awearnessblog.com/2008/11/update-on-nebraskas-safe-haven.php
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-25-Left-kids_N.htm
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,409262,00.html
http://awearnessblog.com/2008/11/update-on-nebraskas-safe-haven.php
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Dazed and Confused
I have never seen the movie so I don't know whether my state relates at all to the plot, however it describes me pretty well right now. My work day started at 6:30am at a local Hol*day Inn for a monthly breakfast meeting for one of my associations. Apparently when I start doing these on my own (should I stay at this job) JP recommends me getting there at 6:00am to have enough time to do the set up on my own. Great. No getting off early today though I was told that perhaps I could leave early on Friday. Do I want overtime pay or time off? Hard to know which is better.
Which is the crux of the matter. Right now the money is much needed. In truth that won't change anytime soon. I have decided to keep job hunting and in theory devote some time to other more flexible (read self-employed) options. However this place would provide health insurance which none of the other options, as they exist, would provide. It's nice to actually have things to do even if they require knowledge I don't have, impossible deadlines, four associations all clamoring for attention, and a company that needs a structural organizer (think they'd hire me as a consultant instead?).
I am totally being treated as if my hire is a done deal, which is flattering, to be sure. Today the Associate Executive on two of my associations told JP when he showed up this morning (they were tag teaming) that the group wouldn't even miss him, that I was a quick study, I could practically do this myself next month, etc. It was all really nice because in truth I am not confident at all that I am grasping this stuff. I remain unconvinced that I am rocking this job.
If I take the job, how do I keep my commitment to DNE? If I have to be around a lackluster (predominately) bunch of office mates, and mostly conservative people in my associations (the remodeling industry and pest control for cripes sakes!) I am going to need a dose of my "tribe" something awful by August. I would gladly take the time off without pay, my other salary would far make up for it. It could work as long as I could get regular vacation with pay from this place because I will need time off from them that do not include my usual working vacation. Who knows what they will say once I finally find a stud for my nose piercing which is feeling awful empty with the ring missing. And I will definitely need more clothes if I stay here. It seems quite clear the overtime is part of the job but no overtime pay or comp time. That is not okay, not at all in my book. Well maybe if I would be making 40K or more but I would not be, not even close. It is not clear whether I would be able to ever leave early. I doubt it because no one has given me any indication that this place is not crazy with screwy deadlines, last minute changes and additions to programs, et. al. One office mate who seems rather like a Negative Nelly every time I talk to her said today that this place is "toxic"; she also told me she's been there for 4.5 years, 2 years longer than she planned. Hm.
What I do know is I don't want to be like Negative Nelly. I don't want to suddenly find that it's two years later and I'm miserable but getting a paycheck. What I also know is that I don't want to keep struggling to pay the ultities and groceries. Rock. Me. Hard place.
This isn't exactly how I envisioned this post, I seem to think there was something a bit more poetic roaming in my head, but since I slept like crap, woke way earlier than I'm used too and worked my butt off, this is what y'all are stuck with for this post. Sorry.
Which is the crux of the matter. Right now the money is much needed. In truth that won't change anytime soon. I have decided to keep job hunting and in theory devote some time to other more flexible (read self-employed) options. However this place would provide health insurance which none of the other options, as they exist, would provide. It's nice to actually have things to do even if they require knowledge I don't have, impossible deadlines, four associations all clamoring for attention, and a company that needs a structural organizer (think they'd hire me as a consultant instead?).
I am totally being treated as if my hire is a done deal, which is flattering, to be sure. Today the Associate Executive on two of my associations told JP when he showed up this morning (they were tag teaming) that the group wouldn't even miss him, that I was a quick study, I could practically do this myself next month, etc. It was all really nice because in truth I am not confident at all that I am grasping this stuff. I remain unconvinced that I am rocking this job.
If I take the job, how do I keep my commitment to DNE? If I have to be around a lackluster (predominately) bunch of office mates, and mostly conservative people in my associations (the remodeling industry and pest control for cripes sakes!) I am going to need a dose of my "tribe" something awful by August. I would gladly take the time off without pay, my other salary would far make up for it. It could work as long as I could get regular vacation with pay from this place because I will need time off from them that do not include my usual working vacation. Who knows what they will say once I finally find a stud for my nose piercing which is feeling awful empty with the ring missing. And I will definitely need more clothes if I stay here. It seems quite clear the overtime is part of the job but no overtime pay or comp time. That is not okay, not at all in my book. Well maybe if I would be making 40K or more but I would not be, not even close. It is not clear whether I would be able to ever leave early. I doubt it because no one has given me any indication that this place is not crazy with screwy deadlines, last minute changes and additions to programs, et. al. One office mate who seems rather like a Negative Nelly every time I talk to her said today that this place is "toxic"; she also told me she's been there for 4.5 years, 2 years longer than she planned. Hm.
What I do know is I don't want to be like Negative Nelly. I don't want to suddenly find that it's two years later and I'm miserable but getting a paycheck. What I also know is that I don't want to keep struggling to pay the ultities and groceries. Rock. Me. Hard place.
This isn't exactly how I envisioned this post, I seem to think there was something a bit more poetic roaming in my head, but since I slept like crap, woke way earlier than I'm used too and worked my butt off, this is what y'all are stuck with for this post. Sorry.
Monday, November 10, 2008
First this, no no *this* first
See that title? That is the easiest way to sum up my job. Truly.
Today should have been about calculating the judges' scores to determine the winners for the, er, well I can't really say, um, the remodeling whatsits awards. The winners need to be contacted, thank yous need to go to the judges (along with gift certificates for Star*ucks - which TGF would like me snag one for us, if only). Get the entries back to contestants. And probably eight other things connected to this one piece.
Today should have and was about getting ready for tomorrow's Breakfast Meeting, which it had to be.
Today also needed to be all about the pest control group as a blast email had to go out - which I almost sort of get how to do. It was became clear that though our next event is a month away the legislators and field's regulators have not been invited yet and a specific invite needs to be designed, at least I think that's what I need to do for that piece. In addition I became aware, only today, that we are honoring two people from the field. Our company president decided today that the honorees need individualized invites and past presidents need special invites - all of which need to be designed tomorrow! Did I mention that I will begin my work day at about 6:30a.m. and won't be in the office until about 10:30?
Also another member of one of the associations was notified by me early today that there was a scheduling conflict for his event, which is not a huge deal since we have no rsvps for it, but now he wants to tweak the title and description and do it on the 19th! The 19th?? But I said to him, kinda sorta lying through my teeth, that course I would work on this tomorrow. Um s-u-r-e I will. Well maybe. Who knows.
Wednesday I can go to a dinner meeting if I want but I don't have to, however it's a free dinner. Hm, but I think it's in Cincinnati. Nah, forget it. Friday morning I have a committee meeting.
It's going to be a long week.
Today should have been about calculating the judges' scores to determine the winners for the, er, well I can't really say, um, the remodeling whatsits awards. The winners need to be contacted, thank yous need to go to the judges (along with gift certificates for Star*ucks - which TGF would like me snag one for us, if only). Get the entries back to contestants. And probably eight other things connected to this one piece.
Today should have and was about getting ready for tomorrow's Breakfast Meeting, which it had to be.
Today also needed to be all about the pest control group as a blast email had to go out - which I almost sort of get how to do. It was became clear that though our next event is a month away the legislators and field's regulators have not been invited yet and a specific invite needs to be designed, at least I think that's what I need to do for that piece. In addition I became aware, only today, that we are honoring two people from the field. Our company president decided today that the honorees need individualized invites and past presidents need special invites - all of which need to be designed tomorrow! Did I mention that I will begin my work day at about 6:30a.m. and won't be in the office until about 10:30?
Also another member of one of the associations was notified by me early today that there was a scheduling conflict for his event, which is not a huge deal since we have no rsvps for it, but now he wants to tweak the title and description and do it on the 19th! The 19th?? But I said to him, kinda sorta lying through my teeth, that course I would work on this tomorrow. Um s-u-r-e I will. Well maybe. Who knows.
Wednesday I can go to a dinner meeting if I want but I don't have to, however it's a free dinner. Hm, but I think it's in Cincinnati. Nah, forget it. Friday morning I have a committee meeting.
It's going to be a long week.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Twisted Tree Sweater
After finishing the commission project for Anna - Fans of Family, I started thinking almost immediately of her mentioning a sweater for her toddler son. Though I had other things on the needles (OTN) and lots to keep me busy I started browsing patterns for just the right thing. Via Ravelry I found "Twisted Tree Pullover" and feel in love with it. I consulted with Anna about the pattern and color, from there the hunt for the perfect yarn was on. It needed to be the right weight in order to get gauge and machine washable. Oh and inexpensive.
Much debate and yarn fondling occurred until I went to the Yarn Basket's closing sale where I found Plymouth Encore in worsted. I found the close to perfect blue with a touch of green (was really looking for more of a teal). This yarn photo is the closest to the actual color, the photos that follow show up lighter than in real life.
As I began to knit this pattern, I instantly fell in love with the cabling pattern. Luckily it was a fairly easy repetition that was easy to keep track of without a lot of notes.
TGF's sweater, that is shamefully not done, is the same sort of construction, bottom up raglan, in the round. The sleeves are knitted separately and than attached to the bottom from there the yoke is done. Attaching the sleeves however was quite the adventure. Next time I do this sort type of construction I will start by using two circulars in the same fashion that is used for knitting socks.
I would love to make this sweater in an adult size - that's how much I adore this cabling pattern. If I were to make it for myself I think I would maybe a boat neck opening as I think that would be really cool, based on how the article looked before the yoke and neck were complete.
A few days after popping it in the mail I received an email from Anna saying she got and loved that color - whew! She has been great about letting me choose colors and patterns for her - the loveliest client a knitter could wish for. I am very happy with this project.
Specs:
Pattern: Twisted Tree Pullover by Blue Garter (Sarah)
Size: 2-3 years
Yarn: Plymouth Encore, Worster/10 ply Acrylic, Wool, in color 598
Yardage: Just over 2 skeins, about 420 yards
Needle: size 5
Timeline: Started May 25, 2008 - Finished September 10, 2008. Does not reflect the ease of project, only procrastinating habits of knitter. I could have easily finished it in much less time had I not been working two camps and more disciplined.
Much debate and yarn fondling occurred until I went to the Yarn Basket's closing sale where I found Plymouth Encore in worsted. I found the close to perfect blue with a touch of green (was really looking for more of a teal). This yarn photo is the closest to the actual color, the photos that follow show up lighter than in real life.
As I began to knit this pattern, I instantly fell in love with the cabling pattern. Luckily it was a fairly easy repetition that was easy to keep track of without a lot of notes.
TGF's sweater, that is shamefully not done, is the same sort of construction, bottom up raglan, in the round. The sleeves are knitted separately and than attached to the bottom from there the yoke is done. Attaching the sleeves however was quite the adventure. Next time I do this sort type of construction I will start by using two circulars in the same fashion that is used for knitting socks.
I would love to make this sweater in an adult size - that's how much I adore this cabling pattern. If I were to make it for myself I think I would maybe a boat neck opening as I think that would be really cool, based on how the article looked before the yoke and neck were complete.
A few days after popping it in the mail I received an email from Anna saying she got and loved that color - whew! She has been great about letting me choose colors and patterns for her - the loveliest client a knitter could wish for. I am very happy with this project.
Specs:Pattern: Twisted Tree Pullover by Blue Garter (Sarah)
Size: 2-3 years
Yarn: Plymouth Encore, Worster/10 ply Acrylic, Wool, in color 598
Yardage: Just over 2 skeins, about 420 yards
Needle: size 5
Timeline: Started May 25, 2008 - Finished September 10, 2008. Does not reflect the ease of project, only procrastinating habits of knitter. I could have easily finished it in much less time had I not been working two camps and more disciplined.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Books, we got books!
TGF, Jeriann, and I went to the Planned Parenthood book sale just up the road at the Montgomery Country Fairgrounds (fair warning the site bites rock). There are literally hundreds of thousands of books really, really cheap. Mostly they are sorted by categories and kept in them but once in awhile one could find "He's Just Not That into You" in multiple sections like: Women and Psychology. Psychology? Oh please. Well it's all done by volunteers.
Last year I went with Andi on the last day when it's $5 for a bag of book - a deep bargain. Today we paid the actual prices and between the two of us we spent $32 for three bags of books, still not a bad deal. I replaced my disintegrated copy of the Vegetarian Epicure more for nostalgic value than anything else. Because I cannot pass up southern based cookbooks often I snagged Special Recipes from the Charleston Cake Lady. In looking for links, I just noted that she died back in January, sad. The coolest find in this subject area was Esquire's Handbook for Hosts, published in 1949! I found this posting which includes great PDFs from this incredible kitchy book (Hi Squeezeknits!)
I purchased Family Keleidoscope by Salvador Minuchin with the notion that one day I will finish my degree and do family therapy work. In my studies I read lots about the man's contributions to the field but nothing by him. It seems like it might be quite readable unlike some of the pioneers in the field.
Once I learned we we going to this event I decided to scan the computer section to see if I could pick up anything that might be useful in my new job. The plan in my head had been to go to the library but since this was actually happening and getting to the library might not happen I figured it was worth looking around. For a buck I picked up MS Office 2000, yeah I know we are using 2007 but I figured it would at least give me a brush up on the basics; for the hell of it and another .60 cents I scored The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creating an HTML 4 Web Page, complete with cd-rom I mean I have a domain name and nothing on it plus I figure it could be a help in the job, or the next one.
I continue to dream, hope, and plan to write more so to that end I snagged The Right to Write by Julia Cameron (I had no idea she was married To Martin Scorsese!) and Writing for Your Life: A Guide and Companion to the Inner Worlds by Deena Metzger, whom I find inspiring in general though I have read little of her work. During the summer after a conversation with Sunny and starting a different book, I decided to ditch Woman's Book of Creativity because it just dragged which seems an antithesis to the subject, you know? The book which I started that I loved The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp who I almost worship. Almost only because I do not to worship people. It is hard to think that I would love to hang out with Twyla based on my reading because she comes across as demanding and a bit of a control freak. She also comes across as amazingly honest which is rather endearing. Here is what I wrote over on Goodreads when I started this book:
Last year I went with Andi on the last day when it's $5 for a bag of book - a deep bargain. Today we paid the actual prices and between the two of us we spent $32 for three bags of books, still not a bad deal. I replaced my disintegrated copy of the Vegetarian Epicure more for nostalgic value than anything else. Because I cannot pass up southern based cookbooks often I snagged Special Recipes from the Charleston Cake Lady. In looking for links, I just noted that she died back in January, sad. The coolest find in this subject area was Esquire's Handbook for Hosts, published in 1949! I found this posting which includes great PDFs from this incredible kitchy book (Hi Squeezeknits!)
I purchased Family Keleidoscope by Salvador Minuchin with the notion that one day I will finish my degree and do family therapy work. In my studies I read lots about the man's contributions to the field but nothing by him. It seems like it might be quite readable unlike some of the pioneers in the field.
Once I learned we we going to this event I decided to scan the computer section to see if I could pick up anything that might be useful in my new job. The plan in my head had been to go to the library but since this was actually happening and getting to the library might not happen I figured it was worth looking around. For a buck I picked up MS Office 2000, yeah I know we are using 2007 but I figured it would at least give me a brush up on the basics; for the hell of it and another .60 cents I scored The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creating an HTML 4 Web Page, complete with cd-rom I mean I have a domain name and nothing on it plus I figure it could be a help in the job, or the next one.
I continue to dream, hope, and plan to write more so to that end I snagged The Right to Write by Julia Cameron (I had no idea she was married To Martin Scorsese!) and Writing for Your Life: A Guide and Companion to the Inner Worlds by Deena Metzger, whom I find inspiring in general though I have read little of her work. During the summer after a conversation with Sunny and starting a different book, I decided to ditch Woman's Book of Creativity because it just dragged which seems an antithesis to the subject, you know? The book which I started that I loved The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp who I almost worship. Almost only because I do not to worship people. It is hard to think that I would love to hang out with Twyla based on my reading because she comes across as demanding and a bit of a control freak. She also comes across as amazingly honest which is rather endearing. Here is what I wrote over on Goodreads when I started this book:
OMG I am in love! My other creativity book (Ealy) has been dragging - it has good tidbits but it's a fairly dull read about creativity. But this? It reached out and shook me from page 1. It's library borrow but I think I might have to own this one to reread it from time to time.Consider this a recommendation without even finishing the damn book. I can only hope that the two books I just picked up begin to touch me the way Twyla's did. Now of course I need to borrow that book and begin it again. Maybe in December as November is pretty full what with my knitting goals, NaBloPomo, and work. All in all I am pleased with all I bought today for less than $12.00.
I have loved Twyla Tharp forever. In reading this book so far I can see she is incredibly anal, perhaps even would be classified as OCD via the DSM-IV but she is brilliant and honest in this book, asking really deep questions and opening up herself as an example. In reading the first 40 pages or so I spent the next day regurgitating tons of stuff - I was that enthralled. It's a joy to read.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Refocusing
Last night while talking to my best friend, he reflected back to how negative I was being about this job, that I was talking like I was destined to work there for a long time. The reality is as much as I feel like I'm drowning in all I don't know, I already have a sense of things I did not know last week. The truth is it likely that I will be able to take these skills and be able to apply them in a setting that is more congruent to my identity.
One of the giveaways that this is not the place for me is that on Wednesday, the day after an incredible, historical election only one person (the one who I bonded with the most) mentioned it. Okay it was more like a "high-five" with smiles than an actual conversation. Seriously nothing else was said that I heard at all. How weird is that? Not even a mention of the local issues that were on the ballot.
The other piece about doing this job that is wearing me down (okay there's more than one more piece, but I digress) is that on some level it feels like a failure, it feels like I have given up on me. It may be hard to explain, or hard to understand but going to work in a place that is so not like me, with no diversity to speak of, working within the confines of the typical office structure is like saying "My way doesn't and can't work". It feels like a type of death to me. Yes, I can hear you saying I'm being dramatic but that's kind of how I feel. I am struggling to find an analogy and my brain is so fried I cannot come up with one. But something akin to figuring out that avoiding the sidewalk cracks does not really protect your mother's back, that the world is not as magical as you thought.
Yes, I know it's not forever, that once TGF is situated I have her blessing to leave (of course assuming I don't get dismissed before that time). However the idea of both of us bringing the kind of money we are looking at (did I mention she is likely starting training for a new job before the month is out?) is so compelling because the strain of being so broke for the last 3 years has worn my normal optimism down so far that it feels like I have no reserves left.
Interestingly both TGF and BFF brought up school yesterday. TGF wanted to know how I was going to be able to go back to school while doing this job. BFF nudged me about it as he reaffirmed that he thinks that I'd make a great therapist, that that sounded like the right fit since I first mentioned it. Of course I need to apply to schools to see if I can even get in to one of the two places locally that I think might be a match. Could I do this job and do graduate school, even part time? It would be hard, near impossible I imagine. However I suppose I could do it but come time for an internship and I'd have to quit this place, no doubt.
The plus side to this job is shoes! I have worn three different pairs this week, shoes I hardly ever wear because they are heels and I usually don't dress in a manner that makes sense to wear them. Love love love this part of the job. I want more shoes! This is making think about fun everyday clothes that I can match with my fun shoes on a more regular basis, you know, for when I don't have a real job again.
One of the giveaways that this is not the place for me is that on Wednesday, the day after an incredible, historical election only one person (the one who I bonded with the most) mentioned it. Okay it was more like a "high-five" with smiles than an actual conversation. Seriously nothing else was said that I heard at all. How weird is that? Not even a mention of the local issues that were on the ballot.
The other piece about doing this job that is wearing me down (okay there's more than one more piece, but I digress) is that on some level it feels like a failure, it feels like I have given up on me. It may be hard to explain, or hard to understand but going to work in a place that is so not like me, with no diversity to speak of, working within the confines of the typical office structure is like saying "My way doesn't and can't work". It feels like a type of death to me. Yes, I can hear you saying I'm being dramatic but that's kind of how I feel. I am struggling to find an analogy and my brain is so fried I cannot come up with one. But something akin to figuring out that avoiding the sidewalk cracks does not really protect your mother's back, that the world is not as magical as you thought.
Yes, I know it's not forever, that once TGF is situated I have her blessing to leave (of course assuming I don't get dismissed before that time). However the idea of both of us bringing the kind of money we are looking at (did I mention she is likely starting training for a new job before the month is out?) is so compelling because the strain of being so broke for the last 3 years has worn my normal optimism down so far that it feels like I have no reserves left.
Interestingly both TGF and BFF brought up school yesterday. TGF wanted to know how I was going to be able to go back to school while doing this job. BFF nudged me about it as he reaffirmed that he thinks that I'd make a great therapist, that that sounded like the right fit since I first mentioned it. Of course I need to apply to schools to see if I can even get in to one of the two places locally that I think might be a match. Could I do this job and do graduate school, even part time? It would be hard, near impossible I imagine. However I suppose I could do it but come time for an internship and I'd have to quit this place, no doubt.
The plus side to this job is shoes! I have worn three different pairs this week, shoes I hardly ever wear because they are heels and I usually don't dress in a manner that makes sense to wear them. Love love love this part of the job. I want more shoes! This is making think about fun everyday clothes that I can match with my fun shoes on a more regular basis, you know, for when I don't have a real job again.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
This little kitty went shopping
Thanks to the gods that be, money appeared in our account so TGF was able to buy cat food and other necessities. We also decided to go clothes shopping just a bit for me as my wardrobe is a bit, um, shall we say, sparse for the new job.
Mostly I went looking for pants as I really could use a pair or three more. Normally I have found K*hls has awesome deals but last night, not so much. Once again I was bewildered and felt a bit like Goldilocks while in the dressing room. Dockers, size 12 - I was swimming in them. Seriously! A pair of Briggs petite size 12, not bad but very eh. Daisy Fuentes petite size 12 just a bit too tight and a damn shame because I was really digging that dark wash jean that was dressy enough for a normal work day. They looked so good with the dark purple top I was wearing and the green jacket I found at the store.
In the end I bought some new underwear because I really need it, 3 pairs of trouser socks (50% off) - really need these as I have washed out the single pair I have at night because I wore them Monday - Wednesday, a pair of really cushioned slippers for TGF's sore feet, the aforementioned lime green jacket that's really cool ($14.40 - on sale), and a Simple Vera Vera dress for some imagined fancy event in the future,possibly a work thing (on SUPER sale, 90% off costing me $8.80).
I think the thrift shop is calling my name this weekend because today? I wore clothes for TGF's closet. It's only day four people!
Mostly I went looking for pants as I really could use a pair or three more. Normally I have found K*hls has awesome deals but last night, not so much. Once again I was bewildered and felt a bit like Goldilocks while in the dressing room. Dockers, size 12 - I was swimming in them. Seriously! A pair of Briggs petite size 12, not bad but very eh. Daisy Fuentes petite size 12 just a bit too tight and a damn shame because I was really digging that dark wash jean that was dressy enough for a normal work day. They looked so good with the dark purple top I was wearing and the green jacket I found at the store.
In the end I bought some new underwear because I really need it, 3 pairs of trouser socks (50% off) - really need these as I have washed out the single pair I have at night because I wore them Monday - Wednesday, a pair of really cushioned slippers for TGF's sore feet, the aforementioned lime green jacket that's really cool ($14.40 - on sale), and a Simple Vera Vera dress for some imagined fancy event in the future,possibly a work thing (on SUPER sale, 90% off costing me $8.80).
I think the thrift shop is calling my name this weekend because today? I wore clothes for TGF's closet. It's only day four people!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
A historical Wordless Wednesday
Okay not really wordless but it is powerful.
Give it time to load.
http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/
Give it time to load.
http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Star Trek: The Old Generation
The downside of being an outlier in the job market for a dozen years is that I haven't had to learn all the snazzy new things that MShoddy has created. Today I was told and blindly followed the steps to do an email blast for Tuesday morning's breakfast education meeting for one of my remodeling groups. Something about initially writing it in Outlook, using control K a lot to make links for things like "if you can't see the images, click here", going somewhere in Access Queries to copy and paste email addresses. Then I know I was directed to Outlook Express, which is apparently a little different, doing some set of keys to automatically alphabetize the email addresses and kick out duplicates. There is no way in hell I really know what I did let alone be able to repeat it on my own. While I do need to essentially know how to do this, my admin (OMG I've never had one of those) can usually do those pesky little tasks for me.
On a more upbeat side I got to play with ExactTarget and did most of the draft of an email for a different association. At least the designing element for that one client will be fun.
But seriously the rest, damn it's going to be a steep learning curve. I'm hoping the copier that scans documents into PDF that then get stored on the server is fairly easy. But I hold out small hope because that way if it's hard than hell I won't be disappointed, on the other hand if it's a bit of a breeze I'll be doing the Snoopy dance.
With all these programs and fancy machines I am getting an inkling of what the previous generation felt like when I buzzing around all confident with WordPerfect 5.1-DOS teaching myself tricks, memorizing the key strokes so that I didn't need that silly crib sheet that fit so neatly over the keyboard. Now I long for such a thing, desparately.
Perhaps tomorrow something will glean and shine as creates a new neuropathway in my brain.
On a more upbeat side I got to play with ExactTarget and did most of the draft of an email for a different association. At least the designing element for that one client will be fun.
But seriously the rest, damn it's going to be a steep learning curve. I'm hoping the copier that scans documents into PDF that then get stored on the server is fairly easy. But I hold out small hope because that way if it's hard than hell I won't be disappointed, on the other hand if it's a bit of a breeze I'll be doing the Snoopy dance.
With all these programs and fancy machines I am getting an inkling of what the previous generation felt like when I buzzing around all confident with WordPerfect 5.1-DOS teaching myself tricks, memorizing the key strokes so that I didn't need that silly crib sheet that fit so neatly over the keyboard. Now I long for such a thing, desparately.
Perhaps tomorrow something will glean and shine as creates a new neuropathway in my brain.
Monday, November 03, 2008
First day in an office and a real job thing
Tuesday I received a call from Work Place Group (the infamous temp agency) about a job that I interviewed for back in April. To say that I was ambivalent might be a bit of an understatement. For better or worse even though it was a temp to hire assignment they decided not to try me out due to my job commitments to NCDC in June, and DNE in August. But it's six months later, we are broke, and there are lots of hungry furry mouths to feed. Also soon after I came home from the interview TGF came home unexpectedly - she had been fired. The company is clearly trying to lower the bottom line as three people in three different stores had been dismissed. To further see that saw, she had seen the writing on the wall she had applied to several jobs last weekend and received a call to schedule an interview, which happens tomorrow.
Wednesday they called to tell me the interview would be on Thursday morning with the CEO (!!!). Also I was told there were three candidates. Okay. A bit after noon I spoke with Work Place Group to let them know the interview went fine and found out the last interview was at 2:00p.m. At 4:15 my phone rang with the job offer, and a start date of today.
The company is an Association Management company with about sixteen associations. My job is working as the event planner for four of these associations. Two of the firms are local remodeling associations, one is involved in pest management and the most exciting one is an entrepreneurial group that JP (who I'm taking over from, he's been promoted) can be a bit like herding cats.
I get there this morning bright and early (which hurts so bad) and find that I am already on the updated phone/office map list and on the chart of the associations and their team players. What?!? It's feeling like I'm hired, not a temp who might be offered the job. There was a deadline today for an award whosit which meant folks from the remodeling firms where stopping by with their portfolios and JP was introducing not as a temp but as the person who would be taking over the reins. On one hand it was kind of cool, like they had faith or at least hope that this arrangement would work out. On the other, I was thinking, "hey I thought we were just dating!".
There is a ton to learn (acronyms galore!), relearn (Access), and programs I know next to nothing to not a damn thing about (Outlook, PowerPoint, InDesign). In a way it felt oddly familar and almost comfortable, like using muscle you forgot about and finding it worked pretty well. Most of the actual events sound boring, different from the other event/conference work I've done which is different. I'm used to being excited by the majority of my work and not sure whether I can get excited by events I do like organizing things well.
Right now I have a horrible headache, probably caused by trying to look over JP's shoulders while he navigated things, using a CRT screen rather than a flat screen, end of a cold, and being up too early. I'm tired, trying to remember anything I learned today, and totally confused about the concept of having a job. So how was your day?
Wednesday they called to tell me the interview would be on Thursday morning with the CEO (!!!). Also I was told there were three candidates. Okay. A bit after noon I spoke with Work Place Group to let them know the interview went fine and found out the last interview was at 2:00p.m. At 4:15 my phone rang with the job offer, and a start date of today.
The company is an Association Management company with about sixteen associations. My job is working as the event planner for four of these associations. Two of the firms are local remodeling associations, one is involved in pest management and the most exciting one is an entrepreneurial group that JP (who I'm taking over from, he's been promoted) can be a bit like herding cats.
I get there this morning bright and early (which hurts so bad) and find that I am already on the updated phone/office map list and on the chart of the associations and their team players. What?!? It's feeling like I'm hired, not a temp who might be offered the job. There was a deadline today for an award whosit which meant folks from the remodeling firms where stopping by with their portfolios and JP was introducing not as a temp but as the person who would be taking over the reins. On one hand it was kind of cool, like they had faith or at least hope that this arrangement would work out. On the other, I was thinking, "hey I thought we were just dating!".
There is a ton to learn (acronyms galore!), relearn (Access), and programs I know next to nothing to not a damn thing about (Outlook, PowerPoint, InDesign). In a way it felt oddly familar and almost comfortable, like using muscle you forgot about and finding it worked pretty well. Most of the actual events sound boring, different from the other event/conference work I've done which is different. I'm used to being excited by the majority of my work and not sure whether I can get excited by events I do like organizing things well.
Right now I have a horrible headache, probably caused by trying to look over JP's shoulders while he navigated things, using a CRT screen rather than a flat screen, end of a cold, and being up too early. I'm tired, trying to remember anything I learned today, and totally confused about the concept of having a job. So how was your day?
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Phrasing is so important
Early in 2008 I proclaimed that I wanted it to be the year of no chemo caps. In my naivete I thought that was clear enough. It got to be August and frankly I was feeling pretty cocky about it. That should have been a warning sign in and of itself. Tis always wrong to tempt the fates that way.
For several months I had been working on reestablishing a very important friendship. While on the east coast Michele and I finally saw each other. However just getting to that meet up was a bit challenging. She has never been great at returning phone calls, I knew that from living with her for three years and sharing an answering machine. Our contact had been very limited and we had not actually spoken to each other, only voicemails until my last Tuesday in Massachusetts. We set up a meet up for that afternoon where I would spend the night and she would drive me to the airport on Wednesday morning. Things were set up, she would call me about noon when she expected to be back in Northampton from an appointment in a neighboring town. She needed to be home by about 2:45 to meet the kids after their first day of school.
As I sat in Spirit's house (which could be metaphor for my experience, but is an actual person's name and home) and waited the anxiety built for a variety of reasons. Time ticked onward and my anxiety edged closer to annoyance and sadness. Finally I called, leaving a message on her cell since it was close to the time she needed to be home. Eventually (maybe after 3pm?) she called back with some odd ball excuse. In some ways it was a typical flake Miche response. "After the appointment I went to Wal*art to pick up things for the kids and then it was time to get home" Something like that. Anyway she came to pick me up and seeing her smile, hearing her voice live was amazing.
The next morning while driving to the airport she finally fessed up the truth. She had had an exam which revealed a lump in her breast that morning. While the medical provider talked about clogged milk ducts, fibrous tissues, the other possibility loomed large in her mind. Hence the sort of "black out" visit to the store and forgetting about me in a way. We talked about how unlikely it was - she's under 40, doesn't smoke, hasn't been on birth control pills in eons, etc. She was scheduled for a biospy that Friday. The possibility of just doing a lumpectomy that day was discussed and we talked about the pros and cons of that as well. I know I sent an ecard that day, and maybe left a message. A few days later I received the call I was dreading. The good part of the news was that it was Stage 1, meaning it was quite very early. The recommendation was a lumpectomy and radiation.
In mid-September she visited my flickr account, looked at some of my yarn photos and requested a shawl. Actually it was a beautiful request:
So the shawl is being knit and with every stitch I hope this is all going to be fine, that she will live a long life, watching her three children grow. Also with each stitch I remember I must be specific about my prayers and wishes to the universe. I was foolhardy and flippant asking for only no chemo caps being needed. With every row I breath a prayer of thanks that we started reconnect before the diagnosis as the idea of not knowing or finding out some other way is just too painful to contemplate. With every other row I am saddened to be still so far away during this time as I wish to hold her during treatment, take the kids out for dinner when she is too exhausted from radiation and what ifs.
Words are imporant. Friends are precious. Use both wisely.
For several months I had been working on reestablishing a very important friendship. While on the east coast Michele and I finally saw each other. However just getting to that meet up was a bit challenging. She has never been great at returning phone calls, I knew that from living with her for three years and sharing an answering machine. Our contact had been very limited and we had not actually spoken to each other, only voicemails until my last Tuesday in Massachusetts. We set up a meet up for that afternoon where I would spend the night and she would drive me to the airport on Wednesday morning. Things were set up, she would call me about noon when she expected to be back in Northampton from an appointment in a neighboring town. She needed to be home by about 2:45 to meet the kids after their first day of school.
As I sat in Spirit's house (which could be metaphor for my experience, but is an actual person's name and home) and waited the anxiety built for a variety of reasons. Time ticked onward and my anxiety edged closer to annoyance and sadness. Finally I called, leaving a message on her cell since it was close to the time she needed to be home. Eventually (maybe after 3pm?) she called back with some odd ball excuse. In some ways it was a typical flake Miche response. "After the appointment I went to Wal*art to pick up things for the kids and then it was time to get home" Something like that. Anyway she came to pick me up and seeing her smile, hearing her voice live was amazing.
The next morning while driving to the airport she finally fessed up the truth. She had had an exam which revealed a lump in her breast that morning. While the medical provider talked about clogged milk ducts, fibrous tissues, the other possibility loomed large in her mind. Hence the sort of "black out" visit to the store and forgetting about me in a way. We talked about how unlikely it was - she's under 40, doesn't smoke, hasn't been on birth control pills in eons, etc. She was scheduled for a biospy that Friday. The possibility of just doing a lumpectomy that day was discussed and we talked about the pros and cons of that as well. I know I sent an ecard that day, and maybe left a message. A few days later I received the call I was dreading. The good part of the news was that it was Stage 1, meaning it was quite very early. The recommendation was a lumpectomy and radiation.
In mid-September she visited my flickr account, looked at some of my yarn photos and requested a shawl. Actually it was a beautiful request:
It would be great to have you wrapped around me and keeping me warm and protected through my next series of life events.How could I refuse? Of course being me, it took awhile to find what I wanted, which I do regret as I wish she already had the shawl. First off I had to confirm some of her favorite colors. Then it was off to find just the perfect pattern and yarn. I went to A Wool Gathering with Kathleen on the hunt, but found nothing. Once it was Ravelry to the rescue. I found I had some yarn in my stash that might work.
So the shawl is being knit and with every stitch I hope this is all going to be fine, that she will live a long life, watching her three children grow. Also with each stitch I remember I must be specific about my prayers and wishes to the universe. I was foolhardy and flippant asking for only no chemo caps being needed. With every row I breath a prayer of thanks that we started reconnect before the diagnosis as the idea of not knowing or finding out some other way is just too painful to contemplate. With every other row I am saddened to be still so far away during this time as I wish to hold her during treatment, take the kids out for dinner when she is too exhausted from radiation and what ifs.
Words are imporant. Friends are precious. Use both wisely.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
The First of Thirty
It's the first official day of NaBloPoMo and I have lots to say about dozens of things I haven't been writing about but between being sick, having a knit & coffee date with Dawn, and dinner at the 'rents, well it's just not happening folks.
Knitting wise there has been progress as I did a full pattern repeat on the shawl and finally got to the third decrease on baby Ellen's gift (since her mama reads this blog, well until Ellen came home she did anyway, not many details will get posted until the gift is on it's way!).
The cold has got to be gone before I start working on Monday as I suspect there will be a LOT to absorb. Finding an online tutorial for Access would be good as I haven't used that program since mid-2001 and apparently a good deal of work happens with it. If anyone knows of anything like that, please let me know.
Okay it's after 9pm and I need to veg and maybe knit some more. See you tomorrow!
Knitting wise there has been progress as I did a full pattern repeat on the shawl and finally got to the third decrease on baby Ellen's gift (since her mama reads this blog, well until Ellen came home she did anyway, not many details will get posted until the gift is on it's way!).
The cold has got to be gone before I start working on Monday as I suspect there will be a LOT to absorb. Finding an online tutorial for Access would be good as I haven't used that program since mid-2001 and apparently a good deal of work happens with it. If anyone knows of anything like that, please let me know.
Okay it's after 9pm and I need to veg and maybe knit some more. See you tomorrow!
Friday, October 31, 2008
In which our heroine announces her insanity
For the third year in a row I am going to attempt National Blog Posting Month. For the last two years I succeeded which is a great thing in my book. I am listed on that site under the id: dharmawrites, because I keep this illusion that my writing will become a habit and that I will improve in this "skill".
In 2006 I did NaBloPoMo along with Lacevember (the main blogsite is no longer in existence) and completed my first real lace project which was a gift for my father's girlfriend. It also was my most successful semester in graduate school, which has fallen by the wayside, shall we say. Moving on....The pattern I chose was Liesl, if the gallery is still up my scarf is there, which I find pretty cool. Here is a photo of it. I used yarn I had purchased with no project in mind, Berroco Softwist (I have two skeins in a great red still marinating). This project was my first time using a lifeline, which for this pattern I discovered I didn't need for long.
Last year I attempted to add National Knit a Sweater Month. To say that I did not succeed is an u
nderstatement. So this year I am going to aim to finish the sweater I started last November for TGF. It is about 75% done. The biggest problem I had was the sleeves. I screwed up the increases and wound up knitting the first sleeve essentially 1 3/4 times. Plus I hate the needles I've been using to do the sleeves - Clover Bamboo. They are not nearly as smooth as Crystal Palace ones, so that plus the soft but acrylic yarn, it's a bit like nails on a chalkboard. So the second sleeve needs finishing, about 50% is left then I need to join things up and complete the yoke.
In addition I want to finish and make a second sweater for a pair of brothers (they're
little, never fear). The first one only needs 1.5 cable repeats (which have been killing me!) and then the sleeves. The second one has not been cast on yet but is the slightly smaller version thankfully. The color (#4000)is much richer than I was able to capture this time around. When I post more about this project I hope to have better photos. This yarn has been had to get just right in photographs. It's my first top down sweater.
Luckily for me I have slacked on posting about projects so some of November will be filled with more details about these and others because I currently have, um, seven things on the needles and plans for, while at least one more kid sweater, plus something or two to match a project that will be detailed in a later posting.
In addition to all that, drum roll please, on Monday, November 3rd I begin working full time in a temp to hire position. So November will be busy don't you think? 40 hours a week at work, finish two sweaters, start and finish a third, finish another project (possibly with matching pieces), and finish a shawl. Plus, keep taking Pilates two nights a week for another 3 weeks or so. Plus two knit nights a week (which will help with the above and hopefully keep some sanity in check). Oh yeah, and I need to think about some holiday knitting. And of course posting every day. I suspect the I may do the "Wordless Wednesday" thing which has the benefit of a few days where I don't have to write and motivation to use my new camera.
So I will be going from zero structure to a lot with a ton to get done. Based on previous experience I know I do better with more things on my plate (see earlier paragraph about NaBloPoMo 2006). However it has been just over 12 years since I had a commitment to a 40 hour week. Granted who knows how this will pan out as it's a tryout period for both the company and me. I would like to try to stick it out for at least a good two months to give it a good amount of time to see if we are a match. Plus it would do a lot for our financial situation if I can do this. Please wish me luck, send comments and candy. See you tomorrow!
In 2006 I did NaBloPoMo along with Lacevember (the main blogsite is no longer in existence) and completed my first real lace project which was a gift for my father's girlfriend. It also was my most successful semester in graduate school, which has fallen by the wayside, shall we say. Moving on....The pattern I chose was Liesl, if the gallery is still up my scarf is there, which I find pretty cool. Here is a photo of it. I used yarn I had purchased with no project in mind, Berroco Softwist (I have two skeins in a great red still marinating). This project was my first time using a lifeline, which for this pattern I discovered I didn't need for long.
Last year I attempted to add National Knit a Sweater Month. To say that I did not succeed is an u
nderstatement. So this year I am going to aim to finish the sweater I started last November for TGF. It is about 75% done. The biggest problem I had was the sleeves. I screwed up the increases and wound up knitting the first sleeve essentially 1 3/4 times. Plus I hate the needles I've been using to do the sleeves - Clover Bamboo. They are not nearly as smooth as Crystal Palace ones, so that plus the soft but acrylic yarn, it's a bit like nails on a chalkboard. So the second sleeve needs finishing, about 50% is left then I need to join things up and complete the yoke.In addition I want to finish and make a second sweater for a pair of brothers (they're
little, never fear). The first one only needs 1.5 cable repeats (which have been killing me!) and then the sleeves. The second one has not been cast on yet but is the slightly smaller version thankfully. The color (#4000)is much richer than I was able to capture this time around. When I post more about this project I hope to have better photos. This yarn has been had to get just right in photographs. It's my first top down sweater.Luckily for me I have slacked on posting about projects so some of November will be filled with more details about these and others because I currently have, um, seven things on the needles and plans for, while at least one more kid sweater, plus something or two to match a project that will be detailed in a later posting.
In addition to all that, drum roll please, on Monday, November 3rd I begin working full time in a temp to hire position. So November will be busy don't you think? 40 hours a week at work, finish two sweaters, start and finish a third, finish another project (possibly with matching pieces), and finish a shawl. Plus, keep taking Pilates two nights a week for another 3 weeks or so. Plus two knit nights a week (which will help with the above and hopefully keep some sanity in check). Oh yeah, and I need to think about some holiday knitting. And of course posting every day. I suspect the I may do the "Wordless Wednesday" thing which has the benefit of a few days where I don't have to write and motivation to use my new camera.
So I will be going from zero structure to a lot with a ton to get done. Based on previous experience I know I do better with more things on my plate (see earlier paragraph about NaBloPoMo 2006). However it has been just over 12 years since I had a commitment to a 40 hour week. Granted who knows how this will pan out as it's a tryout period for both the company and me. I would like to try to stick it out for at least a good two months to give it a good amount of time to see if we are a match. Plus it would do a lot for our financial situation if I can do this. Please wish me luck, send comments and candy. See you tomorrow!
Monday, October 27, 2008
In which our heroine thinks she should quit bitching
Over the last year (no I am not going to link to such posts, that would be antithetical to this post, if interested you can go digging your own damned self). I have complained about being lonely, and I am. However I think I need to take a chill pill about the subject, which should make TGF happy since I was just sniveling at her last night about friends - lack of, feeling like I have lost some, etc.
What kicked my butt about this was the phone rang this morning (itself a minor miracle), it was my friend Andi who invited to pick me up to take me along for errands and hang at her mom's house for awhile. I know this doesn't sound exciting but with the options I had of driving by myself the Huber Heights Library (for a possible substitute job at the desk) and nothing else. Truthfully one of the problems I have been having is pften I talk to no one beside the TGF about 5 days out of 7, which is a far from healthy lifestyle - at least for me.
After making plans with Andi, I check my gmail account and saw that Dawn had messaged me on Facebook about seeing if I wanted to work at the polls because while the pay sucks (her words) they need folks and as she says "it is interesting and good for the world" . The combination of these two people thinking about me brought a smile to my face.
I also then thought how I went to a pumpkin carving party at Kathleen's house on Saturday. It turned out that I went alone and knew no one but her yet I managed to stay almost five hours! It was there that met Cindy who tipped me off to the substitute worker at the library. From there I thought last Sunday I went to a birthday brunch at Dawn's house where again I knew no one but the hostess and it was great fun.
So yes it is still very different from the three other states I have lived in, but it is still only one year in a new place. Yes, I don't feel like I have people I can just call up and see,however truth be told that is also a lot about me rather than this place - I don't reach out well, but I do have people I can try to cultivate friendships with, I have people to hang out with on occasion. Trying to more positively forward. Here's hoping.
What kicked my butt about this was the phone rang this morning (itself a minor miracle), it was my friend Andi who invited to pick me up to take me along for errands and hang at her mom's house for awhile. I know this doesn't sound exciting but with the options I had of driving by myself the Huber Heights Library (for a possible substitute job at the desk) and nothing else. Truthfully one of the problems I have been having is pften I talk to no one beside the TGF about 5 days out of 7, which is a far from healthy lifestyle - at least for me.
After making plans with Andi, I check my gmail account and saw that Dawn had messaged me on Facebook about seeing if I wanted to work at the polls because while the pay sucks (her words) they need folks and as she says "it is interesting and good for the world" . The combination of these two people thinking about me brought a smile to my face.
I also then thought how I went to a pumpkin carving party at Kathleen's house on Saturday. It turned out that I went alone and knew no one but her yet I managed to stay almost five hours! It was there that met Cindy who tipped me off to the substitute worker at the library. From there I thought last Sunday I went to a birthday brunch at Dawn's house where again I knew no one but the hostess and it was great fun.
So yes it is still very different from the three other states I have lived in, but it is still only one year in a new place. Yes, I don't feel like I have people I can just call up and see,however truth be told that is also a lot about me rather than this place - I don't reach out well, but I do have people I can try to cultivate friendships with, I have people to hang out with on occasion. Trying to more positively forward. Here's hoping.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Happy Blogiversary To Me!
Wow, I didn't miss it. I mean I knew it was close but I just checked and three years ago I posted my first self-referential, navel gazing post! Who would have thought I would keep it up? Okay, I realize I haven't been posting much but hey I still post! That my friends flies in the face of my long history as a procrasinater (who says they will do something) and a lack of follow thru kind of gal (who has big dreams but lolls about in "later") that I traditionally am.
I wish I could say I was running a contest or something exciting but in all honesty I don't have that big of a readership. If I ran contests as often as I think "hm maybe I could run a contest on this here blog", assuming I was creative enough to come up with something interesting, hell all the readers would win a prize. Hm, maybe that's not a bad thing... Bribery for more readers.
When I started this blog I had been thinking about it for a few weeks. Then my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer and I figured I might as well jump in because I might need a place to vent. It is almost three years since her mastectomy, just a little longer until the third anniversary of the end of her chemotherapy. I am grateful and blessed to say that she is fine. As is everyone I know who has been diagnosed since then. I offer thanks to the universe that Sunny, Judy, Rita, Catherine, Gwendolyn, and Michele are doing well. Crazy huh, six women in my sphere diagnosed with breast cancer in three years. I just had an idea, I would like to encourage everyone who reads this entry to make a donation to breast cancer. Not the traditional way, if you're female - do self exams, get a mammogram (me included!). If you're male - encourage the women in your life to do this. For anyone, if you knit make a Tit Bit, if you don't please visit her site and consider making a donation to one of her favourite links. Or look here for other ideas. Before you make "pink ribbon" purchases please visit Think Before You Pink to help you donate wisely and effectively.
Wow that is not where I thought this post would go!
I wish I could say I was running a contest or something exciting but in all honesty I don't have that big of a readership. If I ran contests as often as I think "hm maybe I could run a contest on this here blog", assuming I was creative enough to come up with something interesting, hell all the readers would win a prize. Hm, maybe that's not a bad thing... Bribery for more readers.
When I started this blog I had been thinking about it for a few weeks. Then my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer and I figured I might as well jump in because I might need a place to vent. It is almost three years since her mastectomy, just a little longer until the third anniversary of the end of her chemotherapy. I am grateful and blessed to say that she is fine. As is everyone I know who has been diagnosed since then. I offer thanks to the universe that Sunny, Judy, Rita, Catherine, Gwendolyn, and Michele are doing well. Crazy huh, six women in my sphere diagnosed with breast cancer in three years. I just had an idea, I would like to encourage everyone who reads this entry to make a donation to breast cancer. Not the traditional way, if you're female - do self exams, get a mammogram (me included!). If you're male - encourage the women in your life to do this. For anyone, if you knit make a Tit Bit, if you don't please visit her site and consider making a donation to one of her favourite links. Or look here for other ideas. Before you make "pink ribbon" purchases please visit Think Before You Pink to help you donate wisely and effectively.
Wow that is not where I thought this post would go!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
In which our heroine looks for inspiration
TGF and I have been invited to a Halloween bash at our friend, Theresa's home. It has been strongly suggested to wear costumes or face the wrath of ruthless teasing. The only idea so far, which I am feeling "eh" about, is Speed Racer and Trixie. A friend suggested I could do a "racy" (hey it's not my idea) Trixie as her character is rather blah and so not me (she wears pastel pink!). She also tried to sell me on the fact that it would be an excuse to buy white gogo boots, which does have a certain appeal (well except that they're white). However I'm not totally enarmored with this idea.
As a joke I suggested Velma and Scooby as TGF is a huge Scooby Doo fan. She rejected it because she doesn't want a hot costume. I think I'd make a rather fine Velma and I think I might even have the right enough clothes in my closet.
Moving on. I am not a huge costume person in that I think of all dressing as a costume, a hint of some persona for that day. In addition I have never done a couple costume thing, you know. So my dear readers, any ideas?
As a joke I suggested Velma and Scooby as TGF is a huge Scooby Doo fan. She rejected it because she doesn't want a hot costume. I think I'd make a rather fine Velma and I think I might even have the right enough clothes in my closet.
Moving on. I am not a huge costume person in that I think of all dressing as a costume, a hint of some persona for that day. In addition I have never done a couple costume thing, you know. So my dear readers, any ideas?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
In which our heroine exerted her constitional rights
October 2nd was my birthday, which actually started the night before 
when TGF brought me some beautiful roses.
It is a rare and wonderful thing when she gifts me with flowers. On one hand I wish it happened a bit more often, on the other it leaves it a total surprise when it happens. In truth I adore surprise gifts of almost any kind for no reason at all, and this sort of felt like that given that things are tight and I thought her taking the next day off (my actual birthday) from work a total gift.
The next day we took advantage of the unique opportunity in Ohio to register and vote the same day. I was practically giddy, it was so amazing to vote for a presidential candidate without apprehension. The one unusual vote for me was giving the nod for a casino in Ohio. The economy here in Ohio is in bad shape with unemployment level the highest in over a decade, the GM plant is slated to close on December 23rd, and we still rank quite high in foreclosures nationwide. The truth is the "bad" elements are always around but the jobs are not, clearly.
Afterward we drove up to Tipp City which has a lot of antiques shops and is a spot TGF has been meaning to take me since we moved here. Tipp is a really cute town but clearly a republican area given the signs in front of peoples' homes. The houses are gorgeous, it has an open feel, and we apparently just missed their Mum Festival. We came home and took a luxurious nap together, something that we don't get to do very often any more.
We met her 'rents for dinner where we tried a new restaurant, Sake - Japanese Steak House. I was gifted with cash to use towards knitterly things as her mom didn't know where to shop for such things. It was very sweet. After dinner we dropped Wyatt off for a run in their yard while we went to The Evil Empire store for pet food (did I mention we have foster kittens?). However there lay another surprise - she had me pick out a new digital camera as my present! I have been using her old digital SLR which is big and clunky which feel familar of my old school camera however it's a drag to grab quickly and manage on walks with the dog. Plus I have been having trouble doing the close up work I want with my fiber and the color has been hard to get accurate sometimes. The photo above was one of the first pictures I took with the new toy.
Plus it was a gorgeous day, just that touch of crisp that only autumn does. Beautiful blue skies with perfectly shaped and hued clouds. The best birthday I have had in a long time - pretty much perfect. Thanks honey.
when TGF brought me some beautiful roses.
It is a rare and wonderful thing when she gifts me with flowers. On one hand I wish it happened a bit more often, on the other it leaves it a total surprise when it happens. In truth I adore surprise gifts of almost any kind for no reason at all, and this sort of felt like that given that things are tight and I thought her taking the next day off (my actual birthday) from work a total gift.
The next day we took advantage of the unique opportunity in Ohio to register and vote the same day. I was practically giddy, it was so amazing to vote for a presidential candidate without apprehension. The one unusual vote for me was giving the nod for a casino in Ohio. The economy here in Ohio is in bad shape with unemployment level the highest in over a decade, the GM plant is slated to close on December 23rd, and we still rank quite high in foreclosures nationwide. The truth is the "bad" elements are always around but the jobs are not, clearly.
Afterward we drove up to Tipp City which has a lot of antiques shops and is a spot TGF has been meaning to take me since we moved here. Tipp is a really cute town but clearly a republican area given the signs in front of peoples' homes. The houses are gorgeous, it has an open feel, and we apparently just missed their Mum Festival. We came home and took a luxurious nap together, something that we don't get to do very often any more.
We met her 'rents for dinner where we tried a new restaurant, Sake - Japanese Steak House. I was gifted with cash to use towards knitterly things as her mom didn't know where to shop for such things. It was very sweet. After dinner we dropped Wyatt off for a run in their yard while we went to The Evil Empire store for pet food (did I mention we have foster kittens?). However there lay another surprise - she had me pick out a new digital camera as my present! I have been using her old digital SLR which is big and clunky which feel familar of my old school camera however it's a drag to grab quickly and manage on walks with the dog. Plus I have been having trouble doing the close up work I want with my fiber and the color has been hard to get accurate sometimes. The photo above was one of the first pictures I took with the new toy.
Plus it was a gorgeous day, just that touch of crisp that only autumn does. Beautiful blue skies with perfectly shaped and hued clouds. The best birthday I have had in a long time - pretty much perfect. Thanks honey.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Hope for the Nation
Today I did something that I have never done - gone to a presidential rally. Even more amazing, Sunny was still in town so we went together. This truly is one of the best things about being in a swing state - Obama comes to the minor league baseball stadium in your town. And you don't have to park four states away. And the line moves quickly. Amazing. Not surprisingly Obama was a great speaker and I have hope, I am inspired. Of course I am also a bit afraid he won't win and it's hard to imagine what things will look like if that happens.
Here is why I love my neighborhood. These three photos are from a two block stretch.
Unfortunately I did not have my camera on September 27th du
ring the 2nd Annual Jazz Festival on the boulevard where our neighbors Kristy and Dea had their dogs (a Boston Terrier and a Jack Russell) wearing their Obama shirts. The dogs looked so cute! That would have made this little political pictorial of South Park.
Here is why I love my neighborhood. These three photos are from a two block stretch.
Unfortunately I did not have my camera on September 27th du
ring the 2nd Annual Jazz Festival on the boulevard where our neighbors Kristy and Dea had their dogs (a Boston Terrier and a Jack Russell) wearing their Obama shirts. The dogs looked so cute! That would have made this little political pictorial of South Park.Friday, September 19, 2008
What a long strange trip it's been
Exactly one year ago today TGF, Wyatt (our canine) and Grace, Gemma, Atticus, and Marcelle (our felines) and I left California, after crazy delays.
For those joining this party late here is the post that started a series of posts chronicling this move. It was a crazy time and I cannot believe a year has cruised by. Not surprisingly I have been having packing(not the good kind ;-) and moving dreams. Mostly I dream that I'm moving to Indiana, I guess even asleep I continue to have problems assimilating that I live in Ohio. Indiana is the last place we slept before arriving so I guess part of me is stuck there refusing to cross the state line. It's funny of course because Indiana is no better or worse or even different from Ohio.
There was no way at that time to know or even have an inkling of all that I have found here in Ohio that is good. Wonderful in fact. Last year around this time I mourned that I would be arriving just past the time to attend A Wool Gathering, though I harbored hopes earlier in the summer that I would make it. Tomorrow I head there sure to run into any number of folks I know. Tomorrow evening is the last of South Park's Porch and Patio parties - a concept I knew nothing about one year ago. It will be the fourth one I've attended this year. Sunday is the knitting group at Night & Day Cafe on Brown Street, which I started in April. Monday starts my third week at Sinclair College taking pilates and middle eastern dance.
What a difference a year makes.
For those joining this party late here is the post that started a series of posts chronicling this move. It was a crazy time and I cannot believe a year has cruised by. Not surprisingly I have been having packing(not the good kind ;-) and moving dreams. Mostly I dream that I'm moving to Indiana, I guess even asleep I continue to have problems assimilating that I live in Ohio. Indiana is the last place we slept before arriving so I guess part of me is stuck there refusing to cross the state line. It's funny of course because Indiana is no better or worse or even different from Ohio.
There was no way at that time to know or even have an inkling of all that I have found here in Ohio that is good. Wonderful in fact. Last year around this time I mourned that I would be arriving just past the time to attend A Wool Gathering, though I harbored hopes earlier in the summer that I would make it. Tomorrow I head there sure to run into any number of folks I know. Tomorrow evening is the last of South Park's Porch and Patio parties - a concept I knew nothing about one year ago. It will be the fourth one I've attended this year. Sunday is the knitting group at Night & Day Cafe on Brown Street, which I started in April. Monday starts my third week at Sinclair College taking pilates and middle eastern dance.
What a difference a year makes.
Banned Books Week -A Public Service Announcement
This is important folks. September 27th - October 4th.
I am stunned that Mark Twain is on the list for most frequently challenged author for 2007. How's that for a legacy? Though I confess I have read none of his work, not on purpose it's just I never had to read him in school and never got around to it. He's on my "list" but haven't gotten to it. I am happy to report that I have read other books and authors on various "challenged" list but more by chance than intent:
The Bluest Eye
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Beloved
The Color Purple
Harry Potter series (well the first four, have to catch up)
Forver
Heather Has Two Mommies
The Catcher in the Rye
Go Ask Alice
The Handmaiden's Tale
To Kill A Mockingbird
Deenie
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (well part of it, by A.N.Roquelaure {Anne Rice})
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
Carrie
In The Night Kitchen
Blubber
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Great Gatsby
1984
Lolita
Catch-22
Their Eyes Were Watching God
Invisible Man (I think I never finished it as it depressed me SO much)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Clockwork Orange
Sons and Lovers
A Separate Peace
Going over the various lists, I clearly have a lot of reading to catch up on.
Look here for more events, details, and book lists.
Read on! Visit your local library, used bookstore, and independent retailer whenever possible!
I am stunned that Mark Twain is on the list for most frequently challenged author for 2007. How's that for a legacy? Though I confess I have read none of his work, not on purpose it's just I never had to read him in school and never got around to it. He's on my "list" but haven't gotten to it. I am happy to report that I have read other books and authors on various "challenged" list but more by chance than intent:
The Bluest Eye
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Beloved
The Color Purple
Harry Potter series (well the first four, have to catch up)
Forver
Heather Has Two Mommies
The Catcher in the Rye
Go Ask Alice
The Handmaiden's Tale
To Kill A Mockingbird
Deenie
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (well part of it, by A.N.Roquelaure {Anne Rice})
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
Carrie
In The Night Kitchen
Blubber
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Great Gatsby
1984
Lolita
Catch-22
Their Eyes Were Watching God
Invisible Man (I think I never finished it as it depressed me SO much)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Clockwork Orange
Sons and Lovers
A Separate Peace
Going over the various lists, I clearly have a lot of reading to catch up on.
Look here for more events, details, and book lists.
Read on! Visit your local library, used bookstore, and independent retailer whenever possible!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Reconnection
As my dear readers might recall I had been working on rebuilding a friendship with someone from Massachusetts. We had been emailing each other for the last few months intermittantly, with the idea that we would see each other when I was in town. In addition to trying to catch up with Michele, I wrote to a number of people ahead of time letting them know when I would be around. Usually I just grab a vehicle if I can and drive around on the chance that someone would be home. While I like having no schedule and being spontaneous, sometimes I wind up feeling very lonely so I tried something new. This meant putting myself out there, something I find very triggering. What if no one writes or calls? What if they do out of obligation? WTF does that mean anyway? Insecure? Moi?
Before camp I finally saw my daughter (unofficial foster, in my life for about 10 years now). We met and talked for about six hours straight. It was wonderful to catch up with her and really hear what's going on (a couple of emails and phone calls just don't cut it). Unfortunately it sounds like her relationship isn't going to last and her plans for schooling are vague; while her plans to have a baby is still strongly in place. I encouraged her to get some education or training before getting pregnant because it is likely she will be doing this alone. Somewhat to TGF's dismay I said I would help her financially if she goes to school. It won't be a lot, which I told her, but I would do what I could to support her goals.
As usual I stayed with Adrienne but due to a lot of craziness did not get to spend a ton of time with her but it was still good to see her and the boys. Because of the craziness I needed to make plans to stay somewhere else when I returned to Northampton from camp. In keeping with my modus operandi I did nothing about this until the bitter end of camp, staying with my pal Spirit and his housemates for two nights. It was a nice taste of my old life, living with a bunch of folks, sharing things, mish mash of furniture, the smells of a hippie house - ah the memories.
While there I spent an afternoon with friends I haven't seen in at least four years! Ann & Donna moved in across the street from my tiny house in Northampton back in 1995 and instantly we became buddies. Back in December 2002 I flew back to Massachusetts from California to attend the birth of their son. I'm pretty sure I saw them one time since then. In the intervening time they adopted a gorgeous little girl who I had only seen photos of for the last 3 years. We had a great afternoon hanging out, seeing their new house, playing with the kids and catching up. It was so sweet, really was. I must stay in better touch.
The next afternoon I finally caught up with Michele and it was so sweet to hear her voice, see her smile. Wow. Her youngest was in the car, he was a year old when I left so he doesn't have much recognition of me. He is imprinted deeply on my soul as he was the first baby I ever held before being cleaned, blood and amniotic fluid smelling sweet, soaking into my hands, dripping on my pants. When we arrived at the house I was last behind them and heard A (the eldest, the fourth birth I attended) called "Where's Dharma!?!?" So sweet. I got a huge hug from her that felt so good. Next up was A2 who has been slow to warm up during other visits. Not this time! A big long hug. OMG I was in heaven.
Later that night A2 asked me if I had children and I said no (too hard to explain Missy). Michele looked at me and whispered yes you do, meaning her kids. My heart just swelled. We stayed up talking after the kids were asleep and it was so nice, much like old times. The next morning she drove me to the airport and again the conversation just flowed. Mostly from her this time which was fine, the evening was a lot of me. When she dropped me off she asked "when's a good time to visit Ohio?". Again, hope rose and I have more faith that we can rebuild our friendship.
In my overall plans to visit the east more often than this once a year crap so I have great hopes of seeing these people and other much more in the future.
Before camp I finally saw my daughter (unofficial foster, in my life for about 10 years now). We met and talked for about six hours straight. It was wonderful to catch up with her and really hear what's going on (a couple of emails and phone calls just don't cut it). Unfortunately it sounds like her relationship isn't going to last and her plans for schooling are vague; while her plans to have a baby is still strongly in place. I encouraged her to get some education or training before getting pregnant because it is likely she will be doing this alone. Somewhat to TGF's dismay I said I would help her financially if she goes to school. It won't be a lot, which I told her, but I would do what I could to support her goals.
As usual I stayed with Adrienne but due to a lot of craziness did not get to spend a ton of time with her but it was still good to see her and the boys. Because of the craziness I needed to make plans to stay somewhere else when I returned to Northampton from camp. In keeping with my modus operandi I did nothing about this until the bitter end of camp, staying with my pal Spirit and his housemates for two nights. It was a nice taste of my old life, living with a bunch of folks, sharing things, mish mash of furniture, the smells of a hippie house - ah the memories.
While there I spent an afternoon with friends I haven't seen in at least four years! Ann & Donna moved in across the street from my tiny house in Northampton back in 1995 and instantly we became buddies. Back in December 2002 I flew back to Massachusetts from California to attend the birth of their son. I'm pretty sure I saw them one time since then. In the intervening time they adopted a gorgeous little girl who I had only seen photos of for the last 3 years. We had a great afternoon hanging out, seeing their new house, playing with the kids and catching up. It was so sweet, really was. I must stay in better touch.
The next afternoon I finally caught up with Michele and it was so sweet to hear her voice, see her smile. Wow. Her youngest was in the car, he was a year old when I left so he doesn't have much recognition of me. He is imprinted deeply on my soul as he was the first baby I ever held before being cleaned, blood and amniotic fluid smelling sweet, soaking into my hands, dripping on my pants. When we arrived at the house I was last behind them and heard A (the eldest, the fourth birth I attended) called "Where's Dharma!?!?" So sweet. I got a huge hug from her that felt so good. Next up was A2 who has been slow to warm up during other visits. Not this time! A big long hug. OMG I was in heaven.
Later that night A2 asked me if I had children and I said no (too hard to explain Missy). Michele looked at me and whispered yes you do, meaning her kids. My heart just swelled. We stayed up talking after the kids were asleep and it was so nice, much like old times. The next morning she drove me to the airport and again the conversation just flowed. Mostly from her this time which was fine, the evening was a lot of me. When she dropped me off she asked "when's a good time to visit Ohio?". Again, hope rose and I have more faith that we can rebuild our friendship.
In my overall plans to visit the east more often than this once a year crap so I have great hopes of seeing these people and other much more in the future.
Friday, September 12, 2008
In which our heroine tries to catch up
I know, it's been forever and I have had so many things to write about. So let's play a bit of catch up, shall we?
Camp was wonderful. I froze that first Tuesday before camp officially started, seriously! It went down to about 40F degrees. A tad chilly when one is tenting or in a cabin that has nothing but lumber and bad windows. For the first time I asked for a special exemption of a sort and tented somewhere that was technically off limits. It was so lovely. If I can find the cord that would allow me to download photos from my phone you'll see why I had to have this spot. Sure there was more noise from the bottling plant (did you know they like to back up trucks at 2:30a.m.?) but there were no neighbors, no one (except a chosen few) knew where I was, the view during daylight was gorgeous, plus it was shaded just enough that late afternoon naps were fabulous.
(Finally found the right cord with help from TGF, then struggled to download from phone, but success!) This was taken from inside the tent with my phone before napping in the late afternoon.
I danced more this year than in forever. Almost every night I danced at least a little, most nights a fair amount and several so much that I needed to do a lot of laundry. In addition I danced a lot with people that I never dance, in some cases because I thought I wasn't good enough to dance with them. Also I danced with a more men than usual - Gene B and Gene B (yes there are two of them, weird huh?), Shamou (I so need to buy some of his tunes!) and I waltzed which must have looked quite amusing as he is about two feet taller than me. No I am not exaggerating. John M and I had the best dance, sigh, he is dreamy. I have never danced with Blake because I thought he was outside of my realm with him being most a contact dancer (there are a lot of contact folks at Dance New England), but we had a blast together. Every year I dance with Ken (though I swear we missed each other somehow last year) and it's always so much fun and stretches me. This year was the same sweet, fun, slightly intense experience which took me new places.
I set a new record for hitting the tent: 4:30a.m. Twice that was the time I left the dining hall to head for sleep. Crazy I know but still good.
Other high points beside the dancing, of which there were many (oh but I cannot let it go without saying that Stark spun the most excellent set during the second week that still makes me smile):
- swimming in the lake with Carolyn "Num, num, num" Falk.
- receiving chocolate from my best pal Will
- getting a donut from Jacob, given with a smile
- hearing "shabat shalom" from Adam
- a great community meeting
- watching Spirit dance (yes that's his given name)
- the eyeful of stars that are on display every night
- being joyfully welcomed to the Peace Council committee
- meeting old and new friends
- getting time with baby Mojo
- the "Beach Party" at the waterfront
- excellent food, especially daily fresh baked bread!
- shopping at the store
- getting flowers left on my desk not once but twice!
I am certain I am forgetting a dozen or so other great memories but that gives a taste of why I love this place and the people.
Many more things to catch up on. Hopefully now that I started writing I can continue.
Camp was wonderful. I froze that first Tuesday before camp officially started, seriously! It went down to about 40F degrees. A tad chilly when one is tenting or in a cabin that has nothing but lumber and bad windows. For the first time I asked for a special exemption of a sort and tented somewhere that was technically off limits. It was so lovely. If I can find the cord that would allow me to download photos from my phone you'll see why I had to have this spot. Sure there was more noise from the bottling plant (did you know they like to back up trucks at 2:30a.m.?) but there were no neighbors, no one (except a chosen few) knew where I was, the view during daylight was gorgeous, plus it was shaded just enough that late afternoon naps were fabulous.
(Finally found the right cord with help from TGF, then struggled to download from phone, but success!) This was taken from inside the tent with my phone before napping in the late afternoon.
I danced more this year than in forever. Almost every night I danced at least a little, most nights a fair amount and several so much that I needed to do a lot of laundry. In addition I danced a lot with people that I never dance, in some cases because I thought I wasn't good enough to dance with them. Also I danced with a more men than usual - Gene B and Gene B (yes there are two of them, weird huh?), Shamou (I so need to buy some of his tunes!) and I waltzed which must have looked quite amusing as he is about two feet taller than me. No I am not exaggerating. John M and I had the best dance, sigh, he is dreamy. I have never danced with Blake because I thought he was outside of my realm with him being most a contact dancer (there are a lot of contact folks at Dance New England), but we had a blast together. Every year I dance with Ken (though I swear we missed each other somehow last year) and it's always so much fun and stretches me. This year was the same sweet, fun, slightly intense experience which took me new places.
I set a new record for hitting the tent: 4:30a.m. Twice that was the time I left the dining hall to head for sleep. Crazy I know but still good.
Other high points beside the dancing, of which there were many (oh but I cannot let it go without saying that Stark spun the most excellent set during the second week that still makes me smile):
- swimming in the lake with Carolyn "Num, num, num" Falk.
- receiving chocolate from my best pal Will
- getting a donut from Jacob, given with a smile
- hearing "shabat shalom" from Adam
- a great community meeting
- watching Spirit dance (yes that's his given name)
- the eyeful of stars that are on display every night
- being joyfully welcomed to the Peace Council committee
- meeting old and new friends
- getting time with baby Mojo
- the "Beach Party" at the waterfront
- excellent food, especially daily fresh baked bread!
- shopping at the store
- getting flowers left on my desk not once but twice!
I am certain I am forgetting a dozen or so other great memories but that gives a taste of why I love this place and the people.
Many more things to catch up on. Hopefully now that I started writing I can continue.
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