Sunday, September 14, 2008


As my dear readers might recall I had been working on rebuilding a friendship with someone from Massachusetts. We had been emailing each other for the last few months intermittantly, with the idea that we would see each other when I was in town. In addition to trying to catch up with Michele, I wrote to a number of people ahead of time letting them know when I would be around. Usually I just grab a vehicle if I can and drive around on the chance that someone would be home. While I like having no schedule and being spontaneous, sometimes I wind up feeling very lonely so I tried something new. This meant putting myself out there, something I find very triggering. What if no one writes or calls? What if they do out of obligation? WTF does that mean anyway? Insecure? Moi?

Before camp I finally saw my daughter (unofficial foster, in my life for about 10 years now). We met and talked for about six hours straight. It was wonderful to catch up with her and really hear what's going on (a couple of emails and phone calls just don't cut it). Unfortunately it sounds like her relationship isn't going to last and her plans for schooling are vague; while her plans to have a baby is still strongly in place. I encouraged her to get some education or training before getting pregnant because it is likely she will be doing this alone. Somewhat to TGF's dismay I said I would help her financially if she goes to school. It won't be a lot, which I told her, but I would do what I could to support her goals.

As usual I stayed with Adrienne but due to a lot of craziness did not get to spend a ton of time with her but it was still good to see her and the boys. Because of the craziness I needed to make plans to stay somewhere else when I returned to Northampton from camp. In keeping with my modus operandi I did nothing about this until the bitter end of camp, staying with my pal Spirit and his housemates for two nights. It was a nice taste of my old life, living with a bunch of folks, sharing things, mish mash of furniture, the smells of a hippie house - ah the memories.

While there I spent an afternoon with friends I haven't seen in at least four years! Ann & Donna moved in across the street from my tiny house in Northampton back in 1995 and instantly we became buddies. Back in December 2002 I flew back to Massachusetts from California to attend the birth of their son. I'm pretty sure I saw them one time since then. In the intervening time they adopted a gorgeous little girl who I had only seen photos of for the last 3 years. We had a great afternoon hanging out, seeing their new house, playing with the kids and catching up. It was so sweet, really was. I must stay in better touch.

The next afternoon I finally caught up with Michele and it was so sweet to hear her voice, see her smile. Wow. Her youngest was in the car, he was a year old when I left so he doesn't have much recognition of me. He is imprinted deeply on my soul as he was the first baby I ever held before being cleaned, blood and amniotic fluid smelling sweet, soaking into my hands, dripping on my pants. When we arrived at the house I was last behind them and heard A (the eldest, the fourth birth I attended) called "Where's Dharma!?!?" So sweet. I got a huge hug from her that felt so good. Next up was A2 who has been slow to warm up during other visits. Not this time! A big long hug. OMG I was in heaven.

Later that night A2 asked me if I had children and I said no (too hard to explain Missy). Michele looked at me and whispered yes you do, meaning her kids. My heart just swelled. We stayed up talking after the kids were asleep and it was so nice, much like old times. The next morning she drove me to the airport and again the conversation just flowed. Mostly from her this time which was fine, the evening was a lot of me. When she dropped me off she asked "when's a good time to visit Ohio?". Again, hope rose and I have more faith that we can rebuild our friendship.

In my overall plans to visit the east more often than this once a year crap so I have great hopes of seeing these people and other much more in the future.

1 comment:

Jbeeky said...

So sweet, I love that you are getting that connection and love. It is so perfect when it happens like that. Here is to a visit in Ohio.