NaBloPoMo

Somehow or other I have realized it's November 1st, and thus the start of National Blog Posting Month, which I have done for 3, or is it 4 years now and while it sometimes stretches my patience, it also stretch my habits in good ways. Besides it will get me to finally finish posting the Utah trip and move on to other topics.

It will be a busy month, what with the DNE New York Weekend happening in the next few days, Publicity for the Frolic (a new role for me), very busy with DNE (new look coming soon!), working for Arts and Adventures, taking an online certificate course in Victim Advocacy, studying for my GREs, figuring out how to cook on the wood stove here at the cabin, and knitting because I have way too much yarn and I need wintery things to keep warm up here. However I often do well when I have many plates to juggle.

Soon I will need to start a fire in the stove because it's chilly in here, coursework needs to be attended to, some straightening up would be nice and may even happen today, or tomorrow. The chill is making think that starting a pair or three of fingerless mitts need to happen as soon as the mitten are finished. And a sweater. And maybe some felted slippers.

Stay tuned for more ramblings, boring photos of knitted projects, rants about my procrastination habits, how slow committees work and how much I don't want to take the GRE!

In which our heroine enjoys solitutde

I've been alone in this house for a week, and what an awesome week it's been. No seriously, I am loving being alone a lot, a lot. Joe left last Thursday morning, that night I built my first fire. Sure I use a half of a started brick but it still takes attention to make these things work. Every night I have lit the stove, some night going easier than others but I love it.

On Friday I started doing the morning pages from The Artist Within book and already I have made some good insights, venting, it's just been good practice. I never did get around to the artist date, and today I finally finished reading the first week chapter but I did do three of the exercises from the Workbook. I call the week a success.

Later on Friday I picked Greg and Janet so all of us could visit with Alex and Allyson Gray, where we also got a personal tour of CoSM their amazing project, community hub in process. After a lovely visit we drove to High Falls to have a fabulous dinner at Northern Spy, a restaurant that Greg thinks I should introduce to BC. We stayed up way too late chatting, given that we had an early morning hike scheduled with Matt and Chris LaBarca. I confess that I was hesitant about the walk given the forecasted single digit temperatures. Given my commitment to not be defined but presumed limitations I headed out with the boys (Janet decided on quiet time). I am so glad I went, even though I haven't looked at the photos I took yet. The cold was not so bad and I was proud of myself for not giving into my negative voice.

We swung by so Greg and Janet could pack up before we all headed to the Egg's Nest for a hearty brunch. While we were still at the house I had a moment of panic because I was enjoying the company and knew I would soon be alone. Instead of giving into fear of solitude, of feeling lonely I decided to be in the moment - another common mantra of these last nine or ten months. It turned out I loved it, and have cherished every moment alone since.

In addition to writing every morning, I have gone for a walk, one with a significant incline every morning, except yesterday because I headed out early for a day with Sunny. Once I return I often do push ups or weights or stretch a bit. This morning I toyed with not going, instead I changed my route to a more challenging one. During the walk back (down hill how I love you) I realized that I had not truly answered one of the exercised from the work book so I pushed myself so that when I returned home I amended what I had written. Once back at the driveway I was smiling, feeling good, glad I pushed myself to head out. I have been eating extremely well since being here as well.

I am loving finding my own rhythm and feel incredibly blessed to have this time in this lovely place (I will post photos soon) to dig into myself deeper, to make friends with myself. Instant messaging earlier today with BC, she wrote "I love you" and I realized that I was close to being able to say that to myself. This is amazing. It feels so tentative, moreso than with a lover or close friend. It is terrifying and exciting to think I might say that to myself and really mean it, without a codicil of 800 pages of except for, only when etc. Peace within is something that cannot be overestimated but is hard to achieve.

In the early dark light

Sitting here watching the light change, darkening early with the storm of snow drifting in heavier once again, I am enjoying knowing that I am alone, completely right now. It is a lovely combination, no reason to leave this house right now, except perhaps to walk the tenth of a mile to the mailbox, so I can just sit, and zone out, contemplate, watch tv, read, nap, work, or pet the cat. It is a sweet freedom for which I am grateful.

It is a unique confluence of opportunities that has put me here, where I can ponder, reflect and check my center after a delightful, sometimes challenging long visit with BC. We had eight weeks together, doing various holidays where we recreated old traditions and began to carve out new ones together - testing the waters of what a family together might look like. We even had the opportunity to experience a family vacation by going to Disney World, under the guise of BC running the marathonroller coasters for the first time defying my decades old stance of I don't like them, don't do them, have no interest. It turns out they are fun and I rode them like they were nothing. Few screams of alarm leapt out of my mouth, but essentially I just simply enjoyed the sensations. I also challenge my identity of "I don't like amusement parks." It is true they are never going to be my first choice but I can learn how to loosen up and enjoy the moment, especially when with BC and TK.

Since leaving last Tuesday morning it has been a world wind of traveling about. I discovered that I can make the eight hour drive from Cleveland Heights to Brooklyn in one day and not be totally drained. Yeah me! In Brooklyn I stayed with Greg and Janet, working with them on the new database and other business things. We went to see The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. It's been at least a century since I was there! The movie was a visual delight and there was some interesting twists through the psych of various players. As someone who did not really track Heath Ledger's career or death I did not find the interesting device that was created by his absence distracting or hard to sit with, I found it compelling.

Friday I drove to New Paltz to pick up Hrana on the way to 9 Mountain for the DNE Visioning Weekend in Plainfield MA. First we did some shopping at Trader J*e's, stopped for dinner at Paul and Elizabeth's in Northampton, and then hit Dance Spree. I reached 9 Mountain about 12:30am. The weekend was full, fun, loving, and interesting. Getting to spend time with folks that I usually only see once a year was such a delight, it's hard to express how much it satiates my soul to see them. Sunday, after dark I drove to Sunny's so I could accompanying her for an 8:30am appt for an out patient procedure in Manhattan, which took a good portion of the day (she's fine by the way). Wednesday I drove up to New Paltz to arrive at this lovely place and began to settle in for the next month.

Of course true to form my schedule is fuller than I originally had envisioned. Tomorrow I pick up Greg and Janet to visit Alex and Allyson Gray's property in New Hamburg. The weekend after next I will return to Western MA for the DNE budget meeting. A few days after that BC will visit which will be nice after so much time apart.

In the meantime I need to learn how to create a new layout in FileMaker, follow up on a few web based writing opportunities, do my own writing work (I finally bought The Artist's Way after thinking about it for a decade), knit, read, continue to train for my hike and my health, stay in touch with friends, make weekly visits to Sunny for work, etc etc!

While writing this the light has lightened, darkened back up, and is now brighter. The windows to the right of where I sit have a more glow like quality visible as the sun is veiled by thinner clouds and begins to shift downward. Perhaps in the next few hours I will build my first fire, as in the first time I will do this completely by myself, there is no one but myself to lean on. I am loving my approach of just trying things, dropping away the walls that have phrases like, "I might fail," "I can't," "I don't know how," "I'm too scared to try," etched into them. There will be times I will stumble, by blocked by those walls, but it is just temporary, I have the ability to find a way around or through them. This is my mantra.

Now to the southwest there are patches of blue and sunlit clouds.

South Park: The Novel

As I sat in my neighborhood association meeting, knitting as I usually do, listening to the cast of characters, I thought, if I were a novelist these meetings and the conversations that surely happen once they are over would make excellent fodder.

We have the president who has been serving for a decade tirelessly, though tired. She is a mom of four, a landlord of over a dozen rental properties and works at least 20 hours a week in an unpaid position serving her community.

The treasurer who holds the same position for his church as he works as an archivist on the national level; he is married to a lovely woman who writes house histories and who owes her health, in part, to a neighbor who has since moved away after donating his kidney to her.

The older gentleman who is deeply concerned that there someone is pulling something over on us at every turn.

The young couple who just moved here: she is heading up the defunct newsletter and he is now the recording secretary. They an energetic pair who have dove right into the neighbor with vigor.

Traditionally we have had a Christmas Tour. I say traditionally like it's been going on for decades, I have no idea it has been happening. Anyway for a set of reasons publicized, and I am betting a host of reasons only talked about on cell phones and private emails exist as well. Or that's my latent writer imagining a plot line that ties people with historic disagreements and broken friendships and deep connections that resurface sideways.

Ah, if only I had the attention span to write a novel.

Sometime I will write about deep thoughts

This job thing is kicking my butt and I have big ideas when my mind drifts (which it really shouldn't while at work but does), only to get home way too tired to write anything coherent. My bookmark folder, writing ideas, is bursting with links stored for anywhere from a day all the way to over a year ago I'm sure.

Some subjects/link titles that are rummaging around in my brain:

• Prop 8 and the racism overtones
• "Girl crush"
• Nebraska Safe Haven Act
• My Dog, My Daily Zen Lesson
• Push Presents
• Living in A Porn Driven, 'Look at me' Culture
• Purity Promise
• Age and my life choice
• Pregnant Men
• Knitting projects

Tonight I went to the South Park Tavern for the first time since early September. Isn't that sad? It was nice to see some friends, the jukebox was often too loud, some good local political/social debates, silly talk, and getting to newer to the neighborhood folks.

I hope this weekend to sleep in, get a lot of knitting done, cuddling with Her Geekyness, and some quiet brain time. Big goals here people.

See you tomorrow!

Books, we got books!

TGF, Jeriann, and I went to the Planned Parenthood book sale just up the road at the Montgomery Country Fairgrounds (fair warning the site bites rock). There are literally hundreds of thousands of books really, really cheap. Mostly they are sorted by categories and kept in them but once in awhile one could find "He's Just Not That into You" in multiple sections like: Women and Psychology. Psychology? Oh please. Well it's all done by volunteers.

Last year I went with Andi on the last day when it's $5 for a bag of book - a deep bargain. Today we paid the actual prices and between the two of us we spent $32 for three bags of books, still not a bad deal. I replaced my disintegrated copy of the Vegetarian Epicure more for nostalgic value than anything else. Because I cannot pass up southern based cookbooks often I snagged Special Recipes from the Charleston Cake Lady. In looking for links, I just noted that she died back in January, sad. The coolest find in this subject area was Esquire's Handbook for Hosts, published in 1949! I found this posting which includes great PDFs from this incredible kitchy book (Hi Squeezeknits!)

I purchased Family Keleidoscope by Salvador Minuchin with the notion that one day I will finish my degree and do family therapy work. In my studies I read lots about the man's contributions to the field but nothing by him. It seems like it might be quite readable unlike some of the pioneers in the field.

Once I learned we we going to this event I decided to scan the computer section to see if I could pick up anything that might be useful in my new job. The plan in my head had been to go to the library but since this was actually happening and getting to the library might not happen I figured it was worth looking around. For a buck I picked up MS Office 2000, yeah I know we are using 2007 but I figured it would at least give me a brush up on the basics; for the hell of it and another .60 cents I scored The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creating an HTML 4 Web Page, complete with cd-rom I mean I have a domain name and nothing on it plus I figure it could be a help in the job, or the next one.

I continue to dream, hope, and plan to write more so to that end I snagged The Right to Write by Julia Cameron (I had no idea she was married To Martin Scorsese!) and Writing for Your Life: A Guide and Companion to the Inner Worlds by Deena Metzger, whom I find inspiring in general though I have read little of her work. During the summer after a conversation with Sunny and starting a different book, I decided to ditch Woman's Book of Creativity because it just dragged which seems an antithesis to the subject, you know? The book which I started that I loved The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp who I almost worship. Almost only because I do not to worship people. It is hard to think that I would love to hang out with Twyla based on my reading because she comes across as demanding and a bit of a control freak. She also comes across as amazingly honest which is rather endearing. Here is what I wrote over on Goodreads when I started this book:

OMG I am in love! My other creativity book (Ealy) has been dragging - it has good tidbits but it's a fairly dull read about creativity. But this? It reached out and shook me from page 1. It's library borrow but I think I might have to own this one to reread it from time to time.

I have loved Twyla Tharp forever. In reading this book so far I can see she is incredibly anal, perhaps even would be classified as OCD via the DSM-IV but she is brilliant and honest in this book, asking really deep questions and opening up herself as an example. In reading the first 40 pages or so I spent the next day regurgitating tons of stuff - I was that enthralled. It's a joy to read.

Consider this a recommendation without even finishing the damn book. I can only hope that the two books I just picked up begin to touch me the way Twyla's did. Now of course I need to borrow that book and begin it again. Maybe in December as November is pretty full what with my knitting goals, NaBloPomo, and work. All in all I am pleased with all I bought today for less than $12.00.

In which our heroine announces her insanity

For the third year in a row I am going to attempt National Blog Posting Month. For the last two years I succeeded which is a great thing in my book. I am listed on that site under the id: dharmawrites, because I keep this illusion that my writing will become a habit and that I will improve in this "skill".


In 2006 I did NaBloPoMo along with Lacevember (the main blogsite is no longer in existence) and completed my first real lace project which was a gift for my father's girlfriend. It also was my most successful semester in graduate school, which has fallen by the wayside, shall we say. Moving on....The pattern I chose was Liesl, if the gallery is still up my scarf is there, which I find pretty cool. Here is a photo of it. I used yarn I had purchased with no project in mind, Berroco Softwist (I have two skeins in a great red still marinating). This project was my first time using a lifeline, which for this pattern I discovered I didn't need for long.

Last year I attempted to add National Knit a Sweater Month. To say that I did not succeed is an understatement. So this year I am going to aim to finish the sweater I started last November for TGF. It is about 75% done. The biggest problem I had was the sleeves. I screwed up the increases and wound up knitting the first sleeve essentially 1 3/4 times. Plus I hate the needles I've been using to do the sleeves - Clover Bamboo. They are not nearly as smooth as Crystal Palace ones, so that plus the soft but acrylic yarn, it's a bit like nails on a chalkboard. So the second sleeve needs finishing, about 50% is left then I need to join things up and complete the yoke.

In addition I want to finish and make a second sweater for a pair of brothers (they're little, never fear). The first one only needs 1.5 cable repeats (which have been killing me!) and then the sleeves. The second one has not been cast on yet but is the slightly smaller version thankfully. The color (#4000)is much richer than I was able to capture this time around. When I post more about this project I hope to have better photos. This yarn has been had to get just right in photographs. It's my first top down sweater.

Luckily for me I have slacked on posting about projects so some of November will be filled with more details about these and others because I currently have, um, seven things on the needles and plans for, while at least one more kid sweater, plus something or two to match a project that will be detailed in a later posting.

In addition to all that, drum roll please, on Monday, November 3rd I begin working full time in a temp to hire position. So November will be busy don't you think? 40 hours a week at work, finish two sweaters, start and finish a third, finish another project (possibly with matching pieces), and finish a shawl. Plus, keep taking Pilates two nights a week for another 3 weeks or so. Plus two knit nights a week (which will help with the above and hopefully keep some sanity in check). Oh yeah, and I need to think about some holiday knitting. And of course posting every day. I suspect the I may do the "Wordless Wednesday" thing which has the benefit of a few days where I don't have to write and motivation to use my new camera.

So I will be going from zero structure to a lot with a ton to get done. Based on previous experience I know I do better with more things on my plate (see earlier paragraph about NaBloPoMo 2006). However it has been just over 12 years since I had a commitment to a 40 hour week. Granted who knows how this will pan out as it's a tryout period for both the company and me. I would like to try to stick it out for at least a good two months to give it a good amount of time to see if we are a match. Plus it would do a lot for our financial situation if I can do this. Please wish me luck, send comments and candy. See you tomorrow!

When It Rains, It Pours

Last weekend I decided to send an email out to some of my neighbors about starting my doula services back up. This time around I will be focusing more on postpartum because it's a bit easier on the scheduling than birth, though I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to attend a birth from time to time. The feedback has been great. Then I asked my lovely email group where I have a lot of friends and a large number of them are mamas, or hoping to be, about names. My good friend Dru came up with the winner! Beyond Birth. Even before I settled on a name I started doing a mock up of a brochure but found myself a bit stuck for the first hour or so in terms of what to write on it. Weird. Sweetheart that she is, another friend from that list has offered to help me a bit with designing things. I need to start working on a website, something I've never done but what the hey. Aside from information on postpartum doulas in general, my background, links and offerings, I'm thinking of putting up stories (with no identifiers of course) about sweet or funny tales from working with families. Anything else you can think of that should be there?

Also this past weekend TGF and I went to the library which was great fun. We left with a few stacks of things. I have already scanned through the three knitting books and made notes on Goodreads.com (see sidebar for a link to my page) about them. Toted home were also The Woman's Book of Creativity, The Secret Life of Families, Spinning Straw into Gold, and The Sound of Paper. Since that time I have blogged a good deal (for me), gone on a long walk with Puppyman through the neighborhood, turned the heel on my sock and tried to do part of a yoga dvd, also a few others non-procrastination things. Without even opening any of the self help-ish books, just their presence in my home seems to help.

I mentioned some of these books on that same list and having put The Artist's Way on reserve at the library. Well another delightful friend said she had an extra copy and would be happy to send it to me. How cool is that? I have thought about working with this book since it came out and somehow never did. For me I think it was about never quite identifying myself as creative, despite the fact that I have done things that are creative (write, sew, cook, knit) for a very long time. I believe it's tied to my perfectionism in that I only thought of being creative as having to do with actual tangible output. Over the last 10 years or so I have worked on changing that perception in my head. It began by calling my cooking a creative outlet, something who's process gave me joy, and often the results. Feeding people good food that I've made with intent fulfills me. It may be that reading Like Water for Chocolate helped to give the ability to see food in this way. I deeply connected with food imbued with love and magic

Tuesday the temp agency called me to say that interview I did on Friday did go as well as I thought and he's really interested. Since he would not be looking for me to start for a few weeks, they also told of a two week data entry gig. Sure! It's scrilla, right? I then emailed them with more details about the dates I would be unavailable due to my other summer jobs. It may be that being unavailable for those weeks in June and August will be the end of that job and while the money would have been great and honestly a bit necessary, I will make about as much easily doing those jobs during that time.

Then I heard from one of my neighbors that someone is interested in my services as a doula and is due in about one week! Now this could work out beautifully in conjunction with the data entry gig. Overall it's a waiting game.

A few days ago I began The Woman's Book of Creativity, which is an easy read and much of the content is familiar however I feel a bit more inclined to actually think about the exercises that I've come across already (only about 35 pages in). I suspect I might blog about a few of the thoughts connected with them, as well, it seems the appropriate thing to do, no?

Unfortunately I started feeling sick last night and even had dreams about being sick, so paranoid I am now! Today I still don't feel right but I have the weekend to get over it as Monday I start the data entry job. 8-5 here I come. Please send supportive thoughts, some sleeping potions so I actually sleep at night, and doula clients my way!

In a holding pattern

It is hard to believe but I only have one project (shhh, it's a surprise) on the needles right now. It feels odd to be so monogamous with my knitting, it's really not my nature. Really there are a ton of things I want to get started. A better handband thingy for TGF, she really could have used one today when we at the park. Calorimetry seems just perfect and simple from reports on the web. Just need to dig around in the stash. Also she could use some fingerless glove-like items.

Way up on the top of the list of things I want to make is another surprise project - socks! Using sock yarn, you know the thin stuff. One issue is I'm already using fingering weight yarn on the first surprise project and I am yearning for something quick and easy. The project on the needles is fairly simple but progress can only go so fast with that weight. Many moons ago I found a pattern that I copied from an old, hang on...Vogue Winter 1997. Yes, you read that right, the pattern is even by Todd Oldham, remember him? It's a simple chunky garter stitch cropped turtle neck sweater. I think I have yarn that would work, but have I pull it from my closet to check? No. The other issue is I can't decide on a pattern. I want to do toe-up style, thinking about double points as I don't have two circulars that right size but dread the second sock syndrome.

I suppose if I would just get that damn ethics paper out of the way I would feel like there was breathing room, or permission or something and I could move forward. Yeah, that would certainly help. Anyone want to write it for me? Yeah, I didn't think so especially since it's about the formulation of my ethical stance. Okay, okay, I promise tomorrow a lot of reading that you won't have to read.

Another one bites the dust - in a good way

I just mentioned feeling a bit spent and TGF replied said I had worked hard today. Yeah, for a few hours. Doing what you might ask. I finished my second paper for Relationship and Family Interventions. Hee-freaking-haw! Really. The professor even said he would try to read it in time for finishing my course evaluation. So cool! Yeah, I still owe the second paper for Ethics but damn, I did it.

This semester has been a real season of progress for me. Throughout the "more semesters than I want to acknowledge" experience of graduate school I have struggled mightily with a deep paralysis when it came to writing papers. Some of the papers were really not hard I thought as I sat at the computer when they were done, wondering what I was so scared of, what made up my fear. Granted I haven't loved every paper I produced but I wrote and wrote and wrote. Someone wondered why I would have a blog with all that is going on in my world, but I think it helped. While it is true that I have turned a few select blog entries into assignments (obviously the less academically rigorous ones), and even turned assignments into blog postings, I think the act of writing anything at all has helped. But perhaps more importantly to inducing the change has been some of what I have written about - my work struggles, procrastination, relationships, a place to vent my frustration at my school work performance- it freed something. As I wrote on my blog's first birthday this outlet has helped me focus all areas of creativity: writing, photography, and knitting, even cooking though not as frequently.

One more paper and maybe an assignment or two and I will take a few days off. Not the way that I have done for the past 29 months (yes that's 2 years and 5 month) where I do not do schoolwork but even if I kind of give me self some kind of permission not to (like out of town guests) do work, I am constantly thinking I be should working. After a full day having fun I sit in my living room at 10:20pm calculating how if I stay up for 3 more hours I could get X amount of work done. Yeah, that's healthy. No, if all goes well starting on TGF's birthday I am officially, and without punishing thoughts, giving myself at least 5 days where the goal is to not work on school AT ALL. It is not an option. Nope, not once. Yes, it will be hard because damn I am not sure I know how not to think I ought to be doing school work. Wish me luck!

Tagged by Lousiana Swamp Rat!

I do not get tagged often to participate in the "memes" that prosper like tribbles in blogsphere. The fact that the misappropriation of the term meme rankles me probably forms a firewall as it were from people volunteering me to this sport too often.

Meme was a new word to me quite sometime ago and since reading Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihali (which I will have to reread since I never wrote the damned paper) I find it hard to have the word misrepresented because that's just how I roll. It's not that I am deeply attached to Mihaly's work, though check back with me in early March, my opinion may have changed. I cannot recall how I processed the role and definition of memes but I clearly remember that calling all these fun but often inane quiz like creations was heresy (favorite word thing). In doing a quick search I did come up with discussions here and here that do seem to lend some air of credibility to this blog culture phenomena though it still seems like watching F*x show rather than PBS to suggest that what happens in the blog world really has any relation to the essential place of memes as a cultural gene.

But you know it's good to come down from on high once and awhile, thus I present a list of five things you might not know about me.

1. In fifth grade I played a pilot in some sort of school play skit thing. Given my propensity to melt into a puddle of shy this was quite the feat. I have no recollection of how I managed to even think about it let alone get on the stage at P.S. 29's auditorium. I think I had one line.

2. The second and last time I submitted a poem for consideration for an anthology collection I received a hand written note on the form letter saying "thanks but no" from Leslea Newman saying she liked my work but it didn't quite fit the overall theme.

3. For a brief period of time I lived in a convent. Yes, a radical lesbian buddhist jew in a convent. It was, what you might describe as, decommissioned. The school and the church were still functional - Holy Cross Roman Catholic Church. The chapel inside the convent was the television room littered with a few leftover pews - the rest of the pews were in the basement. It was here that I first saw MTV where a corn-fed red haired young woman proclaimed her undying love for Michael Jackson. This is one of the tamer memories I have of this place.

4. Though I finished my coursework for my undergrad degree in just over four years it took, er, another 5 or so years before I filed for my degree because I was sure I didn't have everything I needed. With the helpful and incredible leg work of my sister who lived in NYC while I was in Massachusetts, courses were renumbered, credits distributed across the forms, papers were signed. On record I have a dual major in comparative religion and women studies, off the record I had a minor in psychology and almost enough credits for another minor in what was then called Black & Puerto Rican Studies. It is apparently now titled "Department of Africana and Puerto Rican/Latino Studies. Now that is a mouthful! As usual my fear and procrastination were all for naught all was fine and I finally officially had a BA in a relatively useless assortment of topics.

5. Years ago a client told me I had a zen approach to food because I shared that every so often I try foods I do not like to see if my taste has changed. The fact that I didn't like squash five years ago does not mean I will not like it now. Because of this approach I no longer claim to hate olives, beets, squash, or sweet potatoes. None of these foods are great loves, though I do make a great spiced squash soup that TGF won't touch, but Jennie found tasty. The other day at my school conference I ate my first over easy egg, maybe ever. Just the idea of a runny yolk, {shivers}. It was okay, I needed protein, there was toast and such to help balance out the texture and taste. I survived but I don't think I will be ordering them any time soon however it makes huevos rancheros an option when getting breakfast out.

So there's five more things about me. If you enjoyed this post, or were utterly bored please blame my dear friend Swamp Girl. Actually this was a good exercise. Hm, I may have to rethink my position on this meme thing.

Oh yeah, I am supposed to tag some folks because that's how this things blooms, grows, takes a life of it own and all that.
1. Bitter Betty, love ya hon! You owe me drinks next time you're in town
2. Breena, I really have to catch up on your blog.
3. Jbeeky, because I am sure, as in totally positive, you have some good ones.
4. Rabbitch because ditto
5. Susie Bright because wouldn't that be a trip if she read my blog and did the meme!?!?! Can't you just see Susie and me being friendly like that? No? Shoot.

In which our heroine has misplaced her mojo

My ten loyal readers will have noticed that entries have been sparse for the last, hm, at least two weeks now. Perhaps it is merely that I have gotten out of the habit of writing, that process of calling up the bl*gger dashboard and just typing, because really that's how the bulk of my entries seem to be built.

I have ideas that swirl and than dissipate before I sit down. For weeks now there's a topic that's been brewing but apart from focus and time, I suspect there are others in blogsphere that would do it justice much better then I would. Yes, it is that lack of confidence you hear and I think it is hijacking my mojo. I was on a roll and then things happened, I lost track of the effort and the fire, and sense of ability faded. So here I sit sharing my lack of creativity with you, conjuring you to read this lackluster plea to the universe to help me find my way back to the blank slate that does not intimidate.

I do appreciate that TGF did not hassle me to update (see the comment from yesterday) but I also read that comment as her enjoyment in my writing, which I suspect is really because she believes blogging saves her from ranting that she otherwise would have to be the only audience to, blogging saves her ears for her IPod and other adventures.

A colleague in school reminded me of his mantra, "writing is a muscle", meaning of course that you must exercise it regularly or atrophies. My writing has often atrophied to nothingness, much like the current state of my gluteus maximus though in that particular case means it is large but unbelievably squishy. But I digress. Writing is something I have done for a very long time, the first real thing I remember writing was a poem that had oranges in the title in fifth grade. The loss of that piece of paper haunted me for for over a decade. Seriously. I started a journal at fourteen and wrote quite regularly in various little books for about a decade. After having a partner who would read my old journals while I was at school, leaving me to come home to rages about cavortings that happened before I ever met her seriously dampened my journaling. Oh I tried, I started various little books for a very long time afterwards.

Though all those years, starting in high school I continued writing poems, many quite bad now that age and attending perspective have set in, though I haven't written anything like poem since...{grin} Since TGF and I stayed at Woodfin in July 2004. Not that I have that time etched in my memory or anything. Okay, yes, I do. It was fantastic, magical, and confirmed our amazing sexual chemistry love for each other. I wonder where those pieces of paper are. Now there are school papers and this for my writing. School papers, well I'd rather not discuss those as many still hang over my head. Talk about the intimidating blank slate! At least here the choices are cheerful commentary from my ten readers or silence, papers have the potential of harsh criticisms. So blogging will continue to happen as it is some of the most rewarding writing I have ever done. When I'm ready to wallow in the self absorption I will pull down that pretty box in the closet and cringe at the yellowed pages of my youth.

Being One With The Yarn

I tried, I really tried to be one with the yarn, you have no idea how I struggled. Maybe I should start at the beginning. It's another mystery project as the giftee may or may not read the blog.

Many moons ago I decided I wanted to make something for a friend because this person has such a big heart and has been very generous to our family. Instantly I knew the type of item I wanted to make and the arduous search began all over the internet to find the perfect representation for said item. Finally after hours, and yes I mean HOURS over a period of weeks of searching, debating, saving and deleting links to possibilities the perfect item appeared. The yarn that the pattern called for beautiful, there is no doubt and since then I have heard praise from on high for this material. However aside from a hefty price tag none of the colourways were anything like what I visioned. Nothing was appropriate. So another expedition was launched that took our Bodhisattva of Yarn on a wide ranging journey back and forth across the nation via the internet, as well as overseas through the same vehicle, with stops in actual yarn stores on both the west and east coasts.

After much debate a yarn decision was made, but funds were tight so waiting ensued. Still our fearless Bodhisattva flipped back and forth comparing the chosen yarn to make sure there truly was nothing better. The day arrived when budget be damned the fiber had to purchased. A few days later gratification was meant via a small priority mail box waiting on the porch. With much anticipation and excitement the box was carefully carved open along it's seams. A crestfallen expression came over my face as I lifted up beautiful yarn that bore little resemblance to the image on the computer screen. Really the yarn was beautiful, stunning even with a lovely feel but it was the wrong colour, absolutely wrong. Reaching in the depths of that which is THE dharma, (versus the Dharma that is I) I thought about using it because maybe the universe knew something I did not.

Lo, the universe intervened yet again shortly after the arrival of the yarn via the glbt knit list I am on (did I mention I spend way too many hours on my laptop, otherwise know as the Lotus?) where someone mentioned a little fiber business that calls itself Fearless Fibers. There it was, the colour I had envisioned for all these months. Deb, the owner, is delightful to work with and very responsive. But there was the matter of that other yarn, which sat in it's box, alone and bereft. I thought about keeping it, but really I could not think of who the colours would be good for, or what to do with it as I had attached such purpose to the yarn I had trouble reinventing it's image. With a bit of remorse I contacted Simply Socks Yarn and explained the situation. They were lovely about the dilemma and I would not hesitate to purchase from them again - the yarn interestingly enough was, a merino yarn, by yes that's right, Fleece Artist which is also HandMaiden. Confused? Me too, but it does seem that they are both really the same company.

Again the wait for the yarn was begun but this time, oh my, this yarn is everything I had imagined all those months ago. This is Fearless Fibers superwash merino wool sock yarn - why the superwash? Because she had the colourway I wanted in stock and it's the weight I wanted. Superwash I figure is a bonus. Thanks to Grumperina I make sure to smell my yarn frequently and I have to say this stuff, wow, what a lovely scent. I am sure it will fade but in the meanwhile every once and again I take a nice inhale of the wool.

I received two large hanks of yarn, each about 500 yards of lovely fiber waiting to be balled. As luck would have it TGF gifted me with a ball winder for the holidays. Having used Jennie's a couple of times I was looking forward to winding my yarn and casting as fast as possible. However first I had to finish the scarf for TGF's mom, and she was leaving at the "butt crack of dawn" on Wednesday so in true "working on not procrastinating too much" fashion I casted off Tuesday morning and blocked. Tuesday was a crazy day in that I was blocking, TGF was packing, the day before the Purple Beast (my car) started choking which terrified me for many reasons key among them our other car is a stick which I don't really know how to drive and the Lotus caught spider mites or something and had to go in for treatment (part of why I haven't written much lately). As any other appropriately stressed adult woman would do I called my mother to whine. It actually helped which was good, because as my anxiety level decreased as TGF's rose.

Later that day I decided to reward myself by winding the yarn with the goal of casting on that evening. Ha! It was going along rather well for a bit and then (cue the doom music) I thought, if I turn the hank this way it will unravel with greater ease. Greater ease my fat arse! In mere seconds I had a disaster of epic proportions. How larger you ask? I'll tell you, it took me until Thursday night to finish winding that first hank. Hours upon hours of untangling, taking the core off the winder to weave through the knots from both sides, essentially using everything I could think of to do. I was carefully proceeding, loathe to make a cut when in mere seconds, Marcel who had barely appeared by my side, bit through the yarn.

Given the amount of time to that a minor adjustment in handling the yarn made I took a deep breath and started the second hank, chanting a mantra of patience, of following the direction the yarn chose, and not intervening in the great plan. Even with my chanting the yarn did mysterious twist of it's own volition and voila! again a tangled mess lay in my hands. For a number of hours between then and late last night (or was it early this morning?) I sat with the yarn, asked it for direction, followed it twists, unraveled knots, and tried very hard not to curse. About three quarters of the hank were finally balled during which time I shoo'ed away Marcel, Atticus, Saana, and Joia from the tempting wavering, dangling threads, yet despite my attempts, pleas, and offerings to the gods, Marcel once again bit through the yarn. It is quite apparent the universe believes these hanks should not be one ball a piece.

Right before bed I casted on 97 stitches and did the first two rows, already being a stitch short on row 2. I am a humbled grasshopper.

Fiber Productivity

(this will be a photo heavy post, beware!)

Unfortunately I did not remember to take photos of the totally adorable hats I made for Rebecca's more than adorable sons (the second born November 25!) before bringing them to the board meeting about two weeks ago. Both were made from Patons Merino Wool in the Harvest colourway. The first was this one, the other came from the 2006 Knitting Pattern a Day calendar. The cable and seed stitch hat was my first attempt at cables which turn out to be fairly easy. Knitted on size 3 dpns, it formed beautiful colour blocks. The second pattern, if you have the calendar is the Beehive Hat, August 28th but I have not been able to locate a photo, I just did! Here it is. Done on size 9 needles there was just a swirl of colour, no blocks at all. Fascinating! I have asked for photos of the boys in the hats but suspect it will be a long time in coming.

Using Lion's Brand Wool, in Midnight Blue I started a hat for my father using one pattern (at this point I don't remember which one!) but adapted to this one. TGF thinks this is a perfect colour for my father and I agree! It will be going in the mail shortly, with the Liesel scarf for his sweetie. This was a very quick project. I believe I used size 8 needles.

Intrigued by people's addiction to Rowan Crack Silk Haze but unwilling to pay the price I found Trendsetter has an version with the identical content and I found a good colour on sale for less than $10! I purchased one ball of Blush, with the intention of making a scarf Jennie had successfully produced from Last Minute Knitted Gifts. True to the book's claim, this is a very quick and easy project resulting in a delightful and delicate neck decoration. I have more than enough yarn left over to make another or a different project if can think of something for it. Again, this one is ready to be packaged up and sent to my sister.


Finally, and after two horrible incidents of tangling (as in HOURS of unknotting), the mystery item is finished. It too needs to be sent to it's recipient. Unfortunately I have about a ball and a half of this stuff and no desire to use it. Ever. Again. But it does make for interesting photo ops.




Once again you will notice our star model has been brought out of semi-retirement. It is he wearing the beanie hat in the above photo as well.

Next up is a quick project that I made as a gift for my friend who lives in an uninsulated Victorian and spends hours on her laptop playing Zuma (hi sweetie!). Knitty.com is right about this being a satisfying project. Any guesses? Fetching of course! True to the advertising I casted on late one Friday night, did a ton of other things like sleep, eat, walk my dog, even knit on other projects and they were done by late Sunday night, just before midnight thus counting as yet another finished object for 2006.

I was able to convince TGF to model said fingerless beauties, appropriately enough with her hands braced against a laptop! The yarn used is Cascade 220 in colour 9474. Based on the pattern notes I am confident I have enough yarn for another pair, or some other small project.

After struggling mightily to understand a pattern from I consulted with the GLBT-Knit list and had a major "Duh!" moment, then quickly whipped out a hat for the MIL. The pattern is from Creative Knitting and is shown in horrid colours, as in nausea producing. Here, I'll show you. Fair warning, a bucket near by may be a good thing.

The hat is done and the scarf is in progress. Much more subtle colours. Again the yarn is Cascade 220 in Charcoal Gray (#8400) and Cascade Heathers in Mallard (#2448). Some time ago I was sure I would never understand how to read pattern charts. Then I made Liesel which was charted and found a new skill. The scarf pattern is written out and drove me nuts, so I constructed my own chart using an assortment of symbols. So much easier and made it possible for me to memorize the chart, only glancing at the chart for reminders.

Way back in April, after I finished Tigger from knitty.com, I cast on the next project for T'Mane (The Most Adorable Niece Ever). The spring/summer 2006 issue of Knit It! had the cute outfit but in horrible colours (seeing a theme here?). White with bright bubble gum pink trim. A white outfit for a toddler? I think not. While the first pieces of the kimono styled top went quickly it stalled because it was rather dull knitting. I chose a yarn with the same gauge, Sirdar Snuggley DK in khaki (#378) as the base colour and lavender trim. I am very pleased overall with the finished product but I cannot say that I have been thrilled with the performance of the yarn. Realistically I know I am not the world's most consistent knitter in term of tension but I am better than this yarn shows.


In order to seam the pants, no it was not an "in the round" pattern (if I am ever crazed enough to knit pants it will be a different construction), I learned mattress seaming. Unfortunately I should have done the front of the crotch first rather than the rear.
Oh well. Live and learn, right? I do not think others will judge it as harshly as I do.

Today I created a new photo folder to keep track of my finished objects for 2006 and was please to see it shows some reasonable production on my part. I have a rough count of 27 items, most small stuff but I tried to work with different patterns, yarns, etc. Not too shabby. First sock like items, first mitten/glove things, learned to do cables and mattress seaming.

12 hats 6 scarves.
1 cat bed 1 pair of anklet socks
2 toddler sweaters 1 pair of toddler pants
1 pair of mittens 1 pair of fingerless gloves
1 small shawl 1 blanket square

Whew. This post took quite some time to put together. Off to go do some rows on that blue and gray scarf. TGF flies to Ohio at the "butt crack of dawn" (Hi Andrea!) Wednesday and it has to be done by then.

Through the looking glass

Several weeks back I pulled the Style section from the Chronicle because of an article on Amy Arbus, daughter of Diane Arbus. There is a book coming out featuring her photos from 1980-1990 called On the Street, images culled from her time doing a weekly photo spread for the Village Voice. The article speaks of the 80's being "in" again and sure enough the day I read the article I went to Point Isabel to let Wyatt romp and there was young woman in a tiered mini skirt with leggings. It looked horrible I confess, if for no other reason than her colour choices {shudder}.

It occurred to me, as I read the article, that I probably poured over the photos when they were fresh as I read the Voice regularly in those years (hush I was a child prodigy obviously since I'm only 26 now). As I was invested in fashion and steeped in stop bath and fixer in those days I probably spent an inordinate amount of time critiquing her work with all the wisdom of a twit. If I was to view those photographs now I would hope that I have gained enough respect to discuss what is amazing or timeless or poignant (or some such collection of pompous words) about her work as well as seeing how I might have done something different but hopefully at least as effective.

Arbus says that today people aren't able to afford the time to construct "outrageous outfits. They don't feel like being visually noticed is a key to their success". When I read that a few weeks ago I vehemently disagreed. I think I still do but for a different reason than my initial response which was "Have you been to Berkeley?" I think people still think being noticed by their appearance is a key to success but the measure of success has changed. There does seem to be more of a push to blend into one or another of the genres that are "popular" which is definitely removed from the edges, as I saw it in the 80's, where the idea was to push boundaries, to step outside of any of the boxes. It was easier to feel like an outsider because the punk images, for example, were relegated to the corners of the country, their images not as easily spread in those days before the ubiquitousness of internet flooding people consciousness with images near and far.

The other side of this piece was section about her and her mother in regards to competition, what with both of them being photographers. The was some resonance there for me as well as I started constructing poems and short stories while in elementary school (told you I was a prodigy, sheesh). Did I mention my mother was an English professor? That she graduated Phi Cappa Beta from Hunter College? That she scored a post-doc fellowship in England. Somewhere in my high school years she started writing, poems, short stories and damn it they were good. Not the style I worked in but still freaking good. For a few years in there we were both writing a lot, me more closeted, her submitting things right and left, getting published, doing readings. I was proud but silent about my work and fairly content about my status. This blog is the most public my writing (and my photography) has ever been. It's also the most disciplined I have ever been about my writing and while it is a tad embarrassing that it took an essentially public journal to tap into something (not sure what) I am grateful for it nonetheless. Sunny is writing more lately too, mostly political satire songs for the Raging Grannies, so once again we are side by side, this time separated by the width of this country, working our crafts in our own way.

But this time, no more tiered mini skirts, not even hanging in my closet.