I've been alone in this house for a week, and what an awesome week it's been. No seriously, I am loving being alone a lot, a lot. Joe left last Thursday morning, that night I built my first fire. Sure I use a half of a started brick but it still takes attention to make these things work. Every night I have lit the stove, some night going easier than others but I love it.
On Friday I started doing the morning pages from The Artist Within book and already I have made some good insights, venting, it's just been good practice. I never did get around to the artist date, and today I finally finished reading the first week chapter but I did do three of the exercises from the Workbook. I call the week a success.
Later on Friday I picked Greg and Janet so all of us could visit with Alex and Allyson Gray, where we also got a personal tour of CoSM their amazing project, community hub in process. After a lovely visit we drove to High Falls to have a fabulous dinner at Northern Spy, a restaurant that Greg thinks I should introduce to BC. We stayed up way too late chatting, given that we had an early morning hike scheduled with Matt and Chris LaBarca. I confess that I was hesitant about the walk given the forecasted single digit temperatures. Given my commitment to not be defined but presumed limitations I headed out with the boys (Janet decided on quiet time). I am so glad I went, even though I haven't looked at the photos I took yet. The cold was not so bad and I was proud of myself for not giving into my negative voice.
We swung by so Greg and Janet could pack up before we all headed to the Egg's Nest for a hearty brunch. While we were still at the house I had a moment of panic because I was enjoying the company and knew I would soon be alone. Instead of giving into fear of solitude, of feeling lonely I decided to be in the moment - another common mantra of these last nine or ten months. It turned out I loved it, and have cherished every moment alone since.
In addition to writing every morning, I have gone for a walk, one with a significant incline every morning, except yesterday because I headed out early for a day with Sunny. Once I return I often do push ups or weights or stretch a bit. This morning I toyed with not going, instead I changed my route to a more challenging one. During the walk back (down hill how I love you) I realized that I had not truly answered one of the exercised from the work book so I pushed myself so that when I returned home I amended what I had written. Once back at the driveway I was smiling, feeling good, glad I pushed myself to head out. I have been eating extremely well since being here as well.
I am loving finding my own rhythm and feel incredibly blessed to have this time in this lovely place (I will post photos soon) to dig into myself deeper, to make friends with myself. Instant messaging earlier today with BC, she wrote "I love you" and I realized that I was close to being able to say that to myself. This is amazing. It feels so tentative, moreso than with a lover or close friend. It is terrifying and exciting to think I might say that to myself and really mean it, without a codicil of 800 pages of except for, only when etc. Peace within is something that cannot be overestimated but is hard to achieve.
Showing posts with label walking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label walking. Show all posts
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Monday, November 30, 2009
I made it!
Today is the 30th day of daily posting on my blog. As with the other years (2006-2008) I finished and found it a really good experience to stretch my brain, to have some discipline around my writing. Also as in some previous years it helped me to work on other things in a better way. This year I started and finished two small knitting projects, finally started to update my stash page on Ravelry after ignoring it for about six months.
In addition I began my walking regime to gear up for a hiking trip to Utah in May. It had felt like a major accomplishment to walk 15 miles in total during October but I got more focused and set some goals this month.Today I walked 4.3 miles, most of the way I had about 10 pounds in my backpack (first things to drop at the dry cleaners, then groceries). This is the first time I have carried anything, plus the route had hills. It was cold out, even had light hail on the way home; I am sore but really thrilled with myself. I calculated my work for the month and realized I have walked just a hair over 50 miles this month. Once I discovered this I was a bit flabbergasted actually. I had no idea I was doing that much, or that I could.
Now of course the trick is to figure out how to ride this momentum. I am sure I will figure it out.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Goals are a good thing, who knew?
People who know me, know I'm not into setting long range goals; they know I like instant gratification. I rarely know what I will be doing next week, let alone months from now. The 5-year plan thing? I don't get it.
Back in maybe September Greg mentioned a hiking trip to Southwest Utah to help bring attention to an area that is currently not protected. He wanted to invite writers, artists who would spread the word. I decided, silently, that I should do this, but I said nothing aloud. Pondering this for awhile, I realized that he did not outright ask me to come, probably thinking I was not up for such a trip. You know what? He was right but I knew that didn't have to be the case. Sure I'm overweight, sure I haven't ever done a hiking trip, and I am certainly out of shape but all of that could be changed.
It started almost unintentionally by doing that first hike in October up to Bonticou Crag, followed two weeks later by a hike around Mohonk House. The following week I walked 3 miles twice with BC. Without trying I walked about 15 miles that month. During that second walk BC and I were talking about getting sneakers, she regularly needs new pairs with her training.
Monday BC and I went out, she ran, I walked. It was sweet having her loop back and walk with me showing me this new leg of the Shaker Lakes trails that are just a few blocks from the house. 3.6 started this week. The next day I combined a trip to the library with my walking goal, extending the return trip to make the trek 3 miles.
The plan to keep upping my mileage and be able to do 5-6 miles as a regular route and than start adding a light backpack until I can carry about 20 pounds on the walk to be able to really be part of the team in early May when I am in Utah. Having this as something to work towards helps.
Also as I have learned many times over (but never well enough for it to stick) is that it helps if I am working on more than one thing to structure myself, to shape my time. Participating in National Blog Posting Month at the same time works for me. But one thing I had not counted on helping is having a partner who also works out. This is something I have never had, not one who I could work out with, someone who's support is very mutual. It is so nice. Surprisingly all this seems to be working for me, I'm eating better, way less sugar, in touch with my feelings, started and finished two quick knit projects this month as well. Now the trick is to keep it up, keep setting small goals - tasks I can tackle in small chunk, larger goals over time.
This means that tomorrow, between prepping and cooking for our Thanksgiving meal, I will hit the treadmill upstairs for a couple of miles. Tomorrow I will hug BC when comes home after running her 5-mile Turkey Trot because I'm proud of her, because she inspires me. Tomorrow I will blog. Tomorrow I will not overeat, remembering that I can eat whenever I am hungry. Tomorrow I will knit on a project, working towards completing it soon.
Mostly I wrote this entry because sometime ago when I was complaining I didn't have any ideas and she thought I should write about all of this. She was proud of me for doing these things, because she - even with her much larger achievements, thought this was a big deal. On one hand I agree, on another I think these are small things, not particularly worthy of much note however they are important steps on my journey.
Back in maybe September Greg mentioned a hiking trip to Southwest Utah to help bring attention to an area that is currently not protected. He wanted to invite writers, artists who would spread the word. I decided, silently, that I should do this, but I said nothing aloud. Pondering this for awhile, I realized that he did not outright ask me to come, probably thinking I was not up for such a trip. You know what? He was right but I knew that didn't have to be the case. Sure I'm overweight, sure I haven't ever done a hiking trip, and I am certainly out of shape but all of that could be changed.
It started almost unintentionally by doing that first hike in October up to Bonticou Crag, followed two weeks later by a hike around Mohonk House. The following week I walked 3 miles twice with BC. Without trying I walked about 15 miles that month. During that second walk BC and I were talking about getting sneakers, she regularly needs new pairs with her training.
"They need to be replaced about every 500 miles."Color me humbled. The next week I did 8 miles. BC suggested that the next week I shoot for 10 miles, she knew I wanted to do this Utah trip. Hm, I guess I could do that. At least I thought I could work towards it. I ended that week with 11.5 miles. Dang! Who knew I could do? Who knew walking could actually be hard? The next week I walked 12 miles. My average rate is 3 miles an hour.
I scoffed, responding "Well that should mean a pair will last me forever."
"If you walk 10 miles a week that would mean once a year."
"Ha, that will happen."
Monday BC and I went out, she ran, I walked. It was sweet having her loop back and walk with me showing me this new leg of the Shaker Lakes trails that are just a few blocks from the house. 3.6 started this week. The next day I combined a trip to the library with my walking goal, extending the return trip to make the trek 3 miles.
The plan to keep upping my mileage and be able to do 5-6 miles as a regular route and than start adding a light backpack until I can carry about 20 pounds on the walk to be able to really be part of the team in early May when I am in Utah. Having this as something to work towards helps.
Also as I have learned many times over (but never well enough for it to stick) is that it helps if I am working on more than one thing to structure myself, to shape my time. Participating in National Blog Posting Month at the same time works for me. But one thing I had not counted on helping is having a partner who also works out. This is something I have never had, not one who I could work out with, someone who's support is very mutual. It is so nice. Surprisingly all this seems to be working for me, I'm eating better, way less sugar, in touch with my feelings, started and finished two quick knit projects this month as well. Now the trick is to keep it up, keep setting small goals - tasks I can tackle in small chunk, larger goals over time.
This means that tomorrow, between prepping and cooking for our Thanksgiving meal, I will hit the treadmill upstairs for a couple of miles. Tomorrow I will hug BC when comes home after running her 5-mile Turkey Trot because I'm proud of her, because she inspires me. Tomorrow I will blog. Tomorrow I will not overeat, remembering that I can eat whenever I am hungry. Tomorrow I will knit on a project, working towards completing it soon.
Mostly I wrote this entry because sometime ago when I was complaining I didn't have any ideas and she thought I should write about all of this. She was proud of me for doing these things, because she - even with her much larger achievements, thought this was a big deal. On one hand I agree, on another I think these are small things, not particularly worthy of much note however they are important steps on my journey.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Sleep continues to be a troubling thing, which is nothing new but still annoying as last week I had two or three nights of (for me) totally blissful rest. For several weeks now I remember more dreams, some are easy to figure out, others clearly are the twisted version of a brain dump.
Tonight I hope to attempt sleep at a reasonable hour but for now I hear the rain hitting the side of house, slapping against hardy foliage that is still on bushes. Early this morning the light was a soft gray outside the window but I declined to rise at that hour. Mid morning, while the light was bright I did a new path for my 3 mile walk, noting the piles of leaves on the curb, left I suppose for a sweeper machine to gather them. Today, as most days, the wind lifted off the top layers of the piles like someone ruffling a child's hair, or turned a random grouping of dessicated flora into a circle dance traveling down the street until the spiral unwound itself and they scattered once more as if they had never engaged in joyous movement.
On the path in Silver Lake Park the river occasionally rushed in places, adding to the ambient noises that were my soundtrack. The leaves crunched and crumbled under my feet. Unlike a lot of people these days, I walk with no little corded buds stuck in my ears. At least not yet. It give me a chance to purposely avoid all media, and often all conversation, to just be, to let my mind wander. It struck me that it is like a form of meditation, one that works for me. Today's realization: I tend to not perseverate on my faults, my worries, my fears. It would seem that my walks have more than one health benefit, what a happy find. Once in a while there was a tiny flash of rain, not even a sprinkle, more like a mist yet the sky was bright.
As I tackled the last incline once I was back on the road I gave myself credit for sticking with my walking goals. I also thought about how much I like taking care of myself. Later the sky went a deeper gray, the sun in hiding and I thought how long a day really is, how many moods the sky has in daylight. Just like me.
Now I feel mostly relaxed, hopeful about sleep, and looking forward to next steps of all kinds.
Tonight I hope to attempt sleep at a reasonable hour but for now I hear the rain hitting the side of house, slapping against hardy foliage that is still on bushes. Early this morning the light was a soft gray outside the window but I declined to rise at that hour. Mid morning, while the light was bright I did a new path for my 3 mile walk, noting the piles of leaves on the curb, left I suppose for a sweeper machine to gather them. Today, as most days, the wind lifted off the top layers of the piles like someone ruffling a child's hair, or turned a random grouping of dessicated flora into a circle dance traveling down the street until the spiral unwound itself and they scattered once more as if they had never engaged in joyous movement.
On the path in Silver Lake Park the river occasionally rushed in places, adding to the ambient noises that were my soundtrack. The leaves crunched and crumbled under my feet. Unlike a lot of people these days, I walk with no little corded buds stuck in my ears. At least not yet. It give me a chance to purposely avoid all media, and often all conversation, to just be, to let my mind wander. It struck me that it is like a form of meditation, one that works for me. Today's realization: I tend to not perseverate on my faults, my worries, my fears. It would seem that my walks have more than one health benefit, what a happy find. Once in a while there was a tiny flash of rain, not even a sprinkle, more like a mist yet the sky was bright.
As I tackled the last incline once I was back on the road I gave myself credit for sticking with my walking goals. I also thought about how much I like taking care of myself. Later the sky went a deeper gray, the sun in hiding and I thought how long a day really is, how many moods the sky has in daylight. Just like me.
Now I feel mostly relaxed, hopeful about sleep, and looking forward to next steps of all kinds.
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