Monday, October 30, 2006

Time for Goodbye

It did not go as I hoped or expected, but things like this rarely do. The cost of having someone come to the house was exorbinate. Really - $280! Of course the truth is had I the money even close to lying about as it were, I would have spent that amount. I really would have for my Elliott.

In the end it was a crazy afternoon, picking up Purple Beast (our car) from the auto shop where they could not determine what was wrong, so it's still wrong, going to the dog park, me doing a planned quick excursion to have my barely regular beauty indulgence (my brows), and then off the vet's office. All in a period of about 2 hours. Oh, I did I mention we were readying for a party as well? No? Well we were.

At the park we told Ruth what was happening, where upon she kindly and maternally suggested we delay the party a week. But I really did not want to do that, for so many reasons. From a practical standpoint it was 24 hours notice! Craziness. Granted we had yet to go food shopping for the event but still. Also, there would be a high percentage of folks attending who would know what was happening and honestly, I knew we would be supported if the need arose and that we would be implicitly even if it were not spoken of at all. The party would be a good diversion. As the party was billed as a Harvest Blessing event, the truth is the harvest time is also when we put things to rest so it seemed right, to me and TGF, to continue.

Poor Elliot had actually gained weight but it was all fluid because the rest of him was skin and bones. TGF had to find
him and he was outside for the first time in at least two weeks, as if he knew it was time for his last hurrah. He fought her hard, the most energetic he had been in over a month, getting into the carrier. When we were in the exam room and took him out, he talked up a storm, again for the first time in forever. He looked so frail, his eyes runny and a bit dull, his fur lacking it's fullness - there is no way he looked under two years of age, he looked like an old man. After a bit his voice failed and though he mouthed his stories to us, no sound was heard, his energy spent.

The first shot is a sedative and I swear he fought the sleep. I saw him saying no, wait. But he and I looked at each other and I told h
im it really was time as much as we all wanted to deny it. Elliott sighed loudly, just like his brother Atticus does, but which Elliott has never been heard to do, and sleep began to settle upon him starting from his head, drifting down his body. I stroked him the entire time, spoke aloud and then silently. TGF thanked him for choosing us. The vet came back in the room and gave him the second shot in his heart, which totally broke mine. He felt around Elliott's emaciated body for the correct spot, I tried to find my logical brain and wonder how they know the spot, how it feels - physically - to give that shot, but mostly my eyes just watered over and I felt that life was once again proving itself unfair that it would take this cat with the most gentle spirit I have ever met.


Elliot Butler
Honouring us with his presence
from
May 29, 2005
to
October 27, 2006


9 comments:

heather said...

he looks like he had a lot of spunk to him. i'm glad you got to be his moms while he was here, and help him leave when it was time to rest. condolances to you both.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry - and I'll keep both you the TGF in my thoughts...

spaazlicious said...

I'm so very sorry.

wen said...

dharma--i totally understand. i had to put my sweet tiger lily down one month ago. hopefully, she's romping with your boy and talking up a storm.

i'm so sorry for your loss...

Wyatt's Mom said...

Such a sweet good bye, seems only fitting. I swore I wouldn't cry...oh damnit all to hell

Ancrene Wiseass said...

Oh, Dharma. I'm so sorry. Poor baby.

Jennie said...

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. What a wonderful eulogy. He was a very special cat.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I had to put my pet of 15 years to sleep - that was the hardest thing I have ever done. People who aren't "pet people" have no idea how much of a bond we have with our pets and how much it breaks our hearts when we lose them - even when we logically know that it was the best thing for them. You and TGF are in my thoughts.

goblinbox said...

RIP, kitty.