Sunday, February 25, 2007

Will you still love me when I'm 64

Perhaps it is an gnawing awareness of my advancing age but I have been thinking a lot about sexuality and aging. Maybe it's just I like thinking about sex. Whatever.

As someone who has a rather large repertoire of fantasies, activities and such, I wonder how physical age impacts things like, oh flexibility of limbs and stamina. But also, it feels easy to suspend reality now, preferring to get a thrill out of TGF's steadfast proclamations that butches flirt with me right and left, some day, real flirtations or (mostly) imagined, that will dwindle to nothing and I will be invisible. Now, it's easy to role play being a oversexed teen but will it become unbelievable even to the two of us twenty years from now? Will different fantasies replace them, do fantasies age with us or in contradiction to the sags, the wrinkles, and a youth that is scores away.

My sexuality is a powerful force in how I view myself in the world and I am wondering how that may change when my juiciness fades literally (hello menopause), or perspectively by becoming less noticeable to others because while I "walk around with it", I do rely on others' noticing, which I believe a lot of us do. I do think as mentioned in the above link, I will keep my sense of humour, inner poise and it is highly unlikely my sizable ass will ever be lost (because lord knows I've tried a hundred times to lose that thing!), there is a more intangible "it" that is related to allure, sex appeal, seductiveness that it hard to find examples in "a woman of a certain age" (at least in this country, if one believes the link, which inspired dreams of becoming an ex-patriot in Paris in my later years), and that is what I worry about disappearing.

In many ways my sexuality is at an all time high in terms of its rawness, accessibility and expression because TGF and I work so hard to explore boundaries, push limits, expose our emotional life to each other with depth and honesty which results in an incredibly hot and often vulnerable relationship. Perhaps that is part of why I am thinking about these things because I am want to hold on to this thrall, I want to hold on to the intimacy we have been building, and there are about a hundred fantasies I still want to act on, and I suspect many will be repeated. That's a lot of sex in my future.

I suspect in a few years, what will change for certain and for true is I will be spending a lot more money of lubricants.

5 comments:

Brooklynne Michelle said...

I know that I'm no where near this part of my journey and you may be closer....

But I feel that somtimes as women age they get more of a raw sexness to them then when they were younger, tonight on the oscars catherine denueve helen mirren, and diane keaton all had me agape, some women don't even become something sexually sttractive for me till later age, like jane seymour or judi dench, it wasn't tille recently that I even noticed a sexual energy to them(esp jane seymour) there is something about a woman with bold white hair or even a bonnie raitt like streak of white that adds sexuality to them.... On the Lword right now people have been making a big deal about cybil shepard's character sleeping with 25yr old, but I think it great caus cybil is hot at 50, so are some other amazing women, I think rue mclanhan only got sexier as she aged.... I've dated women who were 30 years my senior and they were some of the sexiest amazing wonderfully dirrty women I've ever dated....

I don't really know where I was going with this besides that I've got a thing for women much older than me....

Brooklynne

heather said...

i don't worry about getting old and sex too much, but i will agree with brooklynne and say i find older women verrrry sexy. of the ones she mentioned, helen mirren, judi dench and bonnie raitt are awesome. i also love blythe danner. sexy and that voice, jesus.

Jbeeky said...

I like getting older in the sense that I feel more detached from mainstream marketing shoving the idea of sexuality down my throat. No pun intended.

Bitter Betty said...

When you're old enough not to be a sexpot any longer you'll be too old to care. And in my estimation, that's gonna be a long time from now.

goblinbox said...

And all hail the lubricants. Yay for slippery space age polymers! ;-)