The wrong time

I started out half watching as I often do, playing on the computer but the music not surprisingly sucked me in, the music is one of the key characters of this series. Until very recently I never gave Cold Case any attention but somehow, one day it sunk in. Sure the premise that they can solve cases that are decades old let alone one from just five years previous is stretching things.

Tonight's repeat, "Best Friends" was so incredibly sad, perhaps more so because it hit on so many of societies biases - race and sexuality. At first I thought the actress that played Billie was too feminine to be convincing as a butch, but it didn't really matter as the story grew, not one bit. I have been fortunate that my family and friends did not turn away when I came out, I have friends who have had much harder roads. But I have experienced peoples' distaste when I was with people of colour, or another woman. When it was both, I felt attacked from all sides with attitude.

The other thing that struck me was Rose's feelings about never forgetting Billie. I realize the circumstances in the episode (no spoiler here) that of course she would but so many shows create the story of first or early loves being so wonderful, perpetually seen through rose tinted glasses. That idea is so foreign to me. The closest I got to that was with Marz when I was in my early twenties, but the rosy glowed ended long before the relationship did. It was the first, perhaps only time, I understood at all the notion of "falling in love", that rush, the grand hope attached, throwing all caution to the wind. Yes, I was filled with cliches in those early days. Well as filled as I can get, which isn't very really. Poetic license and all that, reflecting back on that time for the purposes of well, poetic license. I never bought the prince charming stories, I never believed in forever, but what about the forever of love of someone even if you aren't with them anymore? I have exes i still ove regardless of the extent of our contact, but I harbour any illusions of what might have been, or what if's about reunions. I know some people do, Rose in the storyline certainly does which suits the purposes of hitting all those poignant notes.

I suppose this goes back a bit to my valentine's day post - romantic love being a transient state and overvalued. This is not to say that I do not feel romantic toward TGF because I do, but it is not a perpetual euphoria any more than the early days of endless sex is perpetual which overall is a good thing or else the animals at Casa de Cedar would rebel loudly from lack of food and attention. However the public message is that love is supposed to romantic and all consuming as well as problem free. Love takes work there are smooth days and ones that are bumpier than road riddled with frost heaves in Vermont. Rose and Billy never got that far, like many couples of all ilks but somehow their tales, and the rose tinted versions of couple celebrating 30 years together become the standard we struggle to measure up to.