Books, we got books!

TGF, Jeriann, and I went to the Planned Parenthood book sale just up the road at the Montgomery Country Fairgrounds (fair warning the site bites rock). There are literally hundreds of thousands of books really, really cheap. Mostly they are sorted by categories and kept in them but once in awhile one could find "He's Just Not That into You" in multiple sections like: Women and Psychology. Psychology? Oh please. Well it's all done by volunteers.

Last year I went with Andi on the last day when it's $5 for a bag of book - a deep bargain. Today we paid the actual prices and between the two of us we spent $32 for three bags of books, still not a bad deal. I replaced my disintegrated copy of the Vegetarian Epicure more for nostalgic value than anything else. Because I cannot pass up southern based cookbooks often I snagged Special Recipes from the Charleston Cake Lady. In looking for links, I just noted that she died back in January, sad. The coolest find in this subject area was Esquire's Handbook for Hosts, published in 1949! I found this posting which includes great PDFs from this incredible kitchy book (Hi Squeezeknits!)

I purchased Family Keleidoscope by Salvador Minuchin with the notion that one day I will finish my degree and do family therapy work. In my studies I read lots about the man's contributions to the field but nothing by him. It seems like it might be quite readable unlike some of the pioneers in the field.

Once I learned we we going to this event I decided to scan the computer section to see if I could pick up anything that might be useful in my new job. The plan in my head had been to go to the library but since this was actually happening and getting to the library might not happen I figured it was worth looking around. For a buck I picked up MS Office 2000, yeah I know we are using 2007 but I figured it would at least give me a brush up on the basics; for the hell of it and another .60 cents I scored The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creating an HTML 4 Web Page, complete with cd-rom I mean I have a domain name and nothing on it plus I figure it could be a help in the job, or the next one.

I continue to dream, hope, and plan to write more so to that end I snagged The Right to Write by Julia Cameron (I had no idea she was married To Martin Scorsese!) and Writing for Your Life: A Guide and Companion to the Inner Worlds by Deena Metzger, whom I find inspiring in general though I have read little of her work. During the summer after a conversation with Sunny and starting a different book, I decided to ditch Woman's Book of Creativity because it just dragged which seems an antithesis to the subject, you know? The book which I started that I loved The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp who I almost worship. Almost only because I do not to worship people. It is hard to think that I would love to hang out with Twyla based on my reading because she comes across as demanding and a bit of a control freak. She also comes across as amazingly honest which is rather endearing. Here is what I wrote over on Goodreads when I started this book:

OMG I am in love! My other creativity book (Ealy) has been dragging - it has good tidbits but it's a fairly dull read about creativity. But this? It reached out and shook me from page 1. It's library borrow but I think I might have to own this one to reread it from time to time.

I have loved Twyla Tharp forever. In reading this book so far I can see she is incredibly anal, perhaps even would be classified as OCD via the DSM-IV but she is brilliant and honest in this book, asking really deep questions and opening up herself as an example. In reading the first 40 pages or so I spent the next day regurgitating tons of stuff - I was that enthralled. It's a joy to read.

Consider this a recommendation without even finishing the damn book. I can only hope that the two books I just picked up begin to touch me the way Twyla's did. Now of course I need to borrow that book and begin it again. Maybe in December as November is pretty full what with my knitting goals, NaBloPomo, and work. All in all I am pleased with all I bought today for less than $12.00.

Refocusing

Last night while talking to my best friend, he reflected back to how negative I was being about this job, that I was talking like I was destined to work there for a long time. The reality is as much as I feel like I'm drowning in all I don't know, I already have a sense of things I did not know last week. The truth is it likely that I will be able to take these skills and be able to apply them in a setting that is more congruent to my identity.

One of the giveaways that this is not the place for me is that on Wednesday, the day after an incredible, historical election only one person (the one who I bonded with the most) mentioned it. Okay it was more like a "high-five" with smiles than an actual conversation. Seriously nothing else was said that I heard at all. How weird is that? Not even a mention of the local issues that were on the ballot.

The other piece about doing this job that is wearing me down (okay there's more than one more piece, but I digress) is that on some level it feels like a failure, it feels like I have given up on me. It may be hard to explain, or hard to understand but going to work in a place that is so not like me, with no diversity to speak of, working within the confines of the typical office structure is like saying "My way doesn't and can't work". It feels like a type of death to me. Yes, I can hear you saying I'm being dramatic but that's kind of how I feel. I am struggling to find an analogy and my brain is so fried I cannot come up with one. But something akin to figuring out that avoiding the sidewalk cracks does not really protect your mother's back, that the world is not as magical as you thought.

Yes, I know it's not forever, that once TGF is situated I have her blessing to leave (of course assuming I don't get dismissed before that time). However the idea of both of us bringing the kind of money we are looking at (did I mention she is likely starting training for a new job before the month is out?) is so compelling because the strain of being so broke for the last 3 years has worn my normal optimism down so far that it feels like I have no reserves left.

Interestingly both TGF and BFF brought up school yesterday. TGF wanted to know how I was going to be able to go back to school while doing this job. BFF nudged me about it as he reaffirmed that he thinks that I'd make a great therapist, that that sounded like the right fit since I first mentioned it. Of course I need to apply to schools to see if I can even get in to one of the two places locally that I think might be a match. Could I do this job and do graduate school, even part time? It would be hard, near impossible I imagine. However I suppose I could do it but come time for an internship and I'd have to quit this place, no doubt.

The plus side to this job is shoes! I have worn three different pairs this week, shoes I hardly ever wear because they are heels and I usually don't dress in a manner that makes sense to wear them. Love love love this part of the job. I want more shoes! This is making think about fun everyday clothes that I can match with my fun shoes on a more regular basis, you know, for when I don't have a real job again.

This little kitty went shopping

Thanks to the gods that be, money appeared in our account so TGF was able to buy cat food and other necessities. We also decided to go clothes shopping just a bit for me as my wardrobe is a bit, um, shall we say, sparse for the new job.

Mostly I went looking for pants as I really could use a pair or three more. Normally I have found K*hls has awesome deals but last night, not so much. Once again I was bewildered and felt a bit like Goldilocks while in the dressing room. Dockers, size 12 - I was swimming in them. Seriously! A pair of Briggs petite size 12, not bad but very eh. Daisy Fuentes petite size 12 just a bit too tight and a damn shame because I was really digging that dark wash jean that was dressy enough for a normal work day. They looked so good with the dark purple top I was wearing and the green jacket I found at the store.

In the end I bought some new underwear because I really need it, 3 pairs of trouser socks (50% off) - really need these as I have washed out the single pair I have at night because I wore them Monday - Wednesday, a pair of really cushioned slippers for TGF's sore feet, the aforementioned lime green jacket that's really cool ($14.40 - on sale), and a Simple Vera Vera dress for some imagined fancy event in the future,possibly a work thing (on SUPER sale, 90% off costing me $8.80).

I think the thrift shop is calling my name this weekend because today? I wore clothes for TGF's closet. It's only day four people!

A historical Wordless Wednesday

Okay not really wordless but it is powerful.
Give it time to load.

http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/

Star Trek: The Old Generation

The downside of being an outlier in the job market for a dozen years is that I haven't had to learn all the snazzy new things that MShoddy has created. Today I was told and blindly followed the steps to do an email blast for Tuesday morning's breakfast education meeting for one of my remodeling groups. Something about initially writing it in Outlook, using control K a lot to make links for things like "if you can't see the images, click here", going somewhere in Access Queries to copy and paste email addresses. Then I know I was directed to Outlook Express, which is apparently a little different, doing some set of keys to automatically alphabetize the email addresses and kick out duplicates. There is no way in hell I really know what I did let alone be able to repeat it on my own. While I do need to essentially know how to do this, my admin (OMG I've never had one of those) can usually do those pesky little tasks for me.

On a more upbeat side I got to play with ExactTarget and did most of the draft of an email for a different association. At least the designing element for that one client will be fun.

But seriously the rest, damn it's going to be a steep learning curve. I'm hoping the copier that scans documents into PDF that then get stored on the server is fairly easy. But I hold out small hope because that way if it's hard than hell I won't be disappointed, on the other hand if it's a bit of a breeze I'll be doing the Snoopy dance.

With all these programs and fancy machines I am getting an inkling of what the previous generation felt like when I buzzing around all confident with WordPerfect 5.1-DOS teaching myself tricks, memorizing the key strokes so that I didn't need that silly crib sheet that fit so neatly over the keyboard. Now I long for such a thing, desparately.

Perhaps tomorrow something will glean and shine as creates a new neuropathway in my brain.

First day in an office and a real job thing

Tuesday I received a call from Work Place Group (the infamous temp agency) about a job that I interviewed for back in April. To say that I was ambivalent might be a bit of an understatement. For better or worse even though it was a temp to hire assignment they decided not to try me out due to my job commitments to NCDC in June, and DNE in August. But it's six months later, we are broke, and there are lots of hungry furry mouths to feed. Also soon after I came home from the interview TGF came home unexpectedly - she had been fired. The company is clearly trying to lower the bottom line as three people in three different stores had been dismissed. To further see that saw, she had seen the writing on the wall she had applied to several jobs last weekend and received a call to schedule an interview, which happens tomorrow.

Wednesday they called to tell me the interview would be on Thursday morning with the CEO (!!!). Also I was told there were three candidates. Okay. A bit after noon I spoke with Work Place Group to let them know the interview went fine and found out the last interview was at 2:00p.m. At 4:15 my phone rang with the job offer, and a start date of today.

The company is an Association Management company with about sixteen associations. My job is working as the event planner for four of these associations. Two of the firms are local remodeling associations, one is involved in pest management and the most exciting one is an entrepreneurial group that JP (who I'm taking over from, he's been promoted) can be a bit like herding cats.

I get there this morning bright and early (which hurts so bad) and find that I am already on the updated phone/office map list and on the chart of the associations and their team players. What?!? It's feeling like I'm hired, not a temp who might be offered the job. There was a deadline today for an award whosit which meant folks from the remodeling firms where stopping by with their portfolios and JP was introducing not as a temp but as the person who would be taking over the reins. On one hand it was kind of cool, like they had faith or at least hope that this arrangement would work out. On the other, I was thinking, "hey I thought we were just dating!".

There is a ton to learn (acronyms galore!), relearn (Access), and programs I know next to nothing to not a damn thing about (Outlook, PowerPoint, InDesign). In a way it felt oddly familar and almost comfortable, like using muscle you forgot about and finding it worked pretty well. Most of the actual events sound boring, different from the other event/conference work I've done which is different. I'm used to being excited by the majority of my work and not sure whether I can get excited by events I do like organizing things well.

Right now I have a horrible headache, probably caused by trying to look over JP's shoulders while he navigated things, using a CRT screen rather than a flat screen, end of a cold, and being up too early. I'm tired, trying to remember anything I learned today, and totally confused about the concept of having a job. So how was your day?

Phrasing is so important

Early in 2008 I proclaimed that I wanted it to be the year of no chemo caps. In my naivete I thought that was clear enough. It got to be August and frankly I was feeling pretty cocky about it. That should have been a warning sign in and of itself. Tis always wrong to tempt the fates that way.

For several months I had been working on reestablishing a very important friendship. While on the east coast Michele and I finally saw each other. However just getting to that meet up was a bit challenging. She has never been great at returning phone calls, I knew that from living with her for three years and sharing an answering machine. Our contact had been very limited and we had not actually spoken to each other, only voicemails until my last Tuesday in Massachusetts. We set up a meet up for that afternoon where I would spend the night and she would drive me to the airport on Wednesday morning. Things were set up, she would call me about noon when she expected to be back in Northampton from an appointment in a neighboring town. She needed to be home by about 2:45 to meet the kids after their first day of school.

As I sat in Spirit's house (which could be metaphor for my experience, but is an actual person's name and home) and waited the anxiety built for a variety of reasons. Time ticked onward and my anxiety edged closer to annoyance and sadness. Finally I called, leaving a message on her cell since it was close to the time she needed to be home. Eventually (maybe after 3pm?) she called back with some odd ball excuse. In some ways it was a typical flake Miche response. "After the appointment I went to Wal*art to pick up things for the kids and then it was time to get home" Something like that. Anyway she came to pick me up and seeing her smile, hearing her voice live was amazing.

The next morning while driving to the airport she finally fessed up the truth. She had had an exam which revealed a lump in her breast that morning. While the medical provider talked about clogged milk ducts, fibrous tissues, the other possibility loomed large in her mind. Hence the sort of "black out" visit to the store and forgetting about me in a way. We talked about how unlikely it was - she's under 40, doesn't smoke, hasn't been on birth control pills in eons, etc. She was scheduled for a biospy that Friday. The possibility of just doing a lumpectomy that day was discussed and we talked about the pros and cons of that as well. I know I sent an ecard that day, and maybe left a message. A few days later I received the call I was dreading. The good part of the news was that it was Stage 1, meaning it was quite very early. The recommendation was a lumpectomy and radiation.

In mid-September she visited my flickr account, looked at some of my yarn photos and requested a shawl. Actually it was a beautiful request:

It would be great to have you wrapped around me and keeping me warm and protected through my next series of life events.

How could I refuse? Of course being me, it took awhile to find what I wanted, which I do regret as I wish she already had the shawl. First off I had to confirm some of her favorite colors. Then it was off to find just the perfect pattern and yarn. I went to A Wool Gathering with Kathleen on the hunt, but found nothing. Once it was Ravelry to the rescue. I found I had some yarn in my stash that might work.

So the shawl is being knit and with every stitch I hope this is all going to be fine, that she will live a long life, watching her three children grow. Also with each stitch I remember I must be specific about my prayers and wishes to the universe. I was foolhardy and flippant asking for only no chemo caps being needed. With every row I breath a prayer of thanks that we started reconnect before the diagnosis as the idea of not knowing or finding out some other way is just too painful to contemplate. With every other row I am saddened to be still so far away during this time as I wish to hold her during treatment, take the kids out for dinner when she is too exhausted from radiation and what ifs.

Words are imporant. Friends are precious. Use both wisely.

The First of Thirty

It's the first official day of NaBloPoMo and I have lots to say about dozens of things I haven't been writing about but between being sick, having a knit & coffee date with Dawn, and dinner at the 'rents, well it's just not happening folks.

Knitting wise there has been progress as I did a full pattern repeat on the shawl and finally got to the third decrease on baby Ellen's gift (since her mama reads this blog, well until Ellen came home she did anyway, not many details will get posted until the gift is on it's way!).

The cold has got to be gone before I start working on Monday as I suspect there will be a LOT to absorb. Finding an online tutorial for Access would be good as I haven't used that program since mid-2001 and apparently a good deal of work happens with it. If anyone knows of anything like that, please let me know.

Okay it's after 9pm and I need to veg and maybe knit some more. See you tomorrow!

In which our heroine announces her insanity

For the third year in a row I am going to attempt National Blog Posting Month. For the last two years I succeeded which is a great thing in my book. I am listed on that site under the id: dharmawrites, because I keep this illusion that my writing will become a habit and that I will improve in this "skill".


In 2006 I did NaBloPoMo along with Lacevember (the main blogsite is no longer in existence) and completed my first real lace project which was a gift for my father's girlfriend. It also was my most successful semester in graduate school, which has fallen by the wayside, shall we say. Moving on....The pattern I chose was Liesl, if the gallery is still up my scarf is there, which I find pretty cool. Here is a photo of it. I used yarn I had purchased with no project in mind, Berroco Softwist (I have two skeins in a great red still marinating). This project was my first time using a lifeline, which for this pattern I discovered I didn't need for long.

Last year I attempted to add National Knit a Sweater Month. To say that I did not succeed is an understatement. So this year I am going to aim to finish the sweater I started last November for TGF. It is about 75% done. The biggest problem I had was the sleeves. I screwed up the increases and wound up knitting the first sleeve essentially 1 3/4 times. Plus I hate the needles I've been using to do the sleeves - Clover Bamboo. They are not nearly as smooth as Crystal Palace ones, so that plus the soft but acrylic yarn, it's a bit like nails on a chalkboard. So the second sleeve needs finishing, about 50% is left then I need to join things up and complete the yoke.

In addition I want to finish and make a second sweater for a pair of brothers (they're little, never fear). The first one only needs 1.5 cable repeats (which have been killing me!) and then the sleeves. The second one has not been cast on yet but is the slightly smaller version thankfully. The color (#4000)is much richer than I was able to capture this time around. When I post more about this project I hope to have better photos. This yarn has been had to get just right in photographs. It's my first top down sweater.

Luckily for me I have slacked on posting about projects so some of November will be filled with more details about these and others because I currently have, um, seven things on the needles and plans for, while at least one more kid sweater, plus something or two to match a project that will be detailed in a later posting.

In addition to all that, drum roll please, on Monday, November 3rd I begin working full time in a temp to hire position. So November will be busy don't you think? 40 hours a week at work, finish two sweaters, start and finish a third, finish another project (possibly with matching pieces), and finish a shawl. Plus, keep taking Pilates two nights a week for another 3 weeks or so. Plus two knit nights a week (which will help with the above and hopefully keep some sanity in check). Oh yeah, and I need to think about some holiday knitting. And of course posting every day. I suspect the I may do the "Wordless Wednesday" thing which has the benefit of a few days where I don't have to write and motivation to use my new camera.

So I will be going from zero structure to a lot with a ton to get done. Based on previous experience I know I do better with more things on my plate (see earlier paragraph about NaBloPoMo 2006). However it has been just over 12 years since I had a commitment to a 40 hour week. Granted who knows how this will pan out as it's a tryout period for both the company and me. I would like to try to stick it out for at least a good two months to give it a good amount of time to see if we are a match. Plus it would do a lot for our financial situation if I can do this. Please wish me luck, send comments and candy. See you tomorrow!

In which our heroine thinks she should quit bitching

Over the last year (no I am not going to link to such posts, that would be antithetical to this post, if interested you can go digging your own damned self). I have complained about being lonely, and I am. However I think I need to take a chill pill about the subject, which should make TGF happy since I was just sniveling at her last night about friends - lack of, feeling like I have lost some, etc.

What kicked my butt about this was the phone rang this morning (itself a minor miracle), it was my friend Andi who invited to pick me up to take me along for errands and hang at her mom's house for awhile. I know this doesn't sound exciting but with the options I had of driving by myself the Huber Heights Library (for a possible substitute job at the desk) and nothing else. Truthfully one of the problems I have been having is pften I talk to no one beside the TGF about 5 days out of 7, which is a far from healthy lifestyle - at least for me.
After making plans with Andi, I check my gmail account and saw that Dawn had messaged me on Facebook about seeing if I wanted to work at the polls because while the pay sucks (her words) they need folks and as she says "it is interesting and good for the world" . The combination of these two people thinking about me brought a smile to my face.

I also then thought how I went to a pumpkin carving party at Kathleen's house on Saturday. It turned out that I went alone and knew no one but her yet I managed to stay almost five hours! It was there that met Cindy who tipped me off to the substitute worker at the library. From there I thought last Sunday I went to a birthday brunch at Dawn's house where again I knew no one but the hostess and it was great fun.

So yes it is still very different from the three other states I have lived in, but it is still only one year in a new place. Yes, I don't feel like I have people I can just call up and see,however truth be told that is also a lot about me rather than this place - I don't reach out well, but I do have people I can try to cultivate friendships with, I have people to hang out with on occasion. Trying to more positively forward. Here's hoping.

Happy Blogiversary To Me!

Wow, I didn't miss it. I mean I knew it was close but I just checked and three years ago I posted my first self-referential, navel gazing post! Who would have thought I would keep it up? Okay, I realize I haven't been posting much but hey I still post! That my friends flies in the face of my long history as a procrasinater (who says they will do something) and a lack of follow thru kind of gal (who has big dreams but lolls about in "later") that I traditionally am.

I wish I could say I was running a contest or something exciting but in all honesty I don't have that big of a readership. If I ran contests as often as I think "hm maybe I could run a contest on this here blog", assuming I was creative enough to come up with something interesting, hell all the readers would win a prize. Hm, maybe that's not a bad thing... Bribery for more readers.

When I started this blog I had been thinking about it for a few weeks. Then my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer and I figured I might as well jump in because I might need a place to vent. It is almost three years since her mastectomy, just a little longer until the third anniversary of the end of her chemotherapy. I am grateful and blessed to say that she is fine. As is everyone I know who has been diagnosed since then. I offer thanks to the universe that Sunny, Judy, Rita, Catherine, Gwendolyn, and Michele are doing well. Crazy huh, six women in my sphere diagnosed with breast cancer in three years. I just had an idea, I would like to encourage everyone who reads this entry to make a donation to breast cancer. Not the traditional way, if you're female - do self exams, get a mammogram (me included!). If you're male - encourage the women in your life to do this. For anyone, if you knit make a Tit Bit, if you don't please visit her site and consider making a donation to one of her favourite links. Or look here for other ideas. Before you make "pink ribbon" purchases please visit Think Before You Pink to help you donate wisely and effectively.

Wow that is not where I thought this post would go!

In which our heroine looks for inspiration

TGF and I have been invited to a Halloween bash at our friend, Theresa's home. It has been strongly suggested to wear costumes or face the wrath of ruthless teasing. The only idea so far, which I am feeling "eh" about, is Speed Racer and Trixie. A friend suggested I could do a "racy" (hey it's not my idea) Trixie as her character is rather blah and so not me (she wears pastel pink!). She also tried to sell me on the fact that it would be an excuse to buy white gogo boots, which does have a certain appeal (well except that they're white). However I'm not totally enarmored with this idea.

As a joke I suggested Velma and Scooby as TGF is a huge Scooby Doo fan. She rejected it because she doesn't want a hot costume. I think I'd make a rather fine Velma and I think I might even have the right enough clothes in my closet.

Moving on. I am not a huge costume person in that I think of all dressing as a costume, a hint of some persona for that day. In addition I have never done a couple costume thing, you know. So my dear readers, any ideas?

In which our heroine exerted her constitional rights

October 2nd was my birthday, which actually started the night before
when TGF brought me some beautiful roses.

It is a rare and wonderful thing when she gifts me with flowers. On one hand I wish it happened a bit more often, on the other it leaves it a total surprise when it happens. In truth I adore surprise gifts of almost any kind for no reason at all, and this sort of felt like that given that things are tight and I thought her taking the next day off (my actual birthday) from work a total gift.

The next day we took advantage of the unique opportunity in Ohio to register and vote the same day. I was practically giddy, it was so amazing to vote for a presidential candidate without apprehension. The one unusual vote for me was giving the nod for a casino in Ohio. The economy here in Ohio is in bad shape with unemployment level the highest in over a decade, the GM plant is slated to close on December 23rd, and we still rank quite high in foreclosures nationwide. The truth is the "bad" elements are always around but the jobs are not, clearly.

Afterward we drove up to Tipp City which has a lot of antiques shops and is a spot TGF has been meaning to take me since we moved here. Tipp is a really cute town but clearly a republican area given the signs in front of peoples' homes. The houses are gorgeous, it has an open feel, and we apparently just missed their Mum Festival. We came home and took a luxurious nap together, something that we don't get to do very often any more.

We met her 'rents for dinner where we tried a new restaurant, Sake - Japanese Steak House. I was gifted with cash to use towards knitterly things as her mom didn't know where to shop for such things. It was very sweet. After dinner we dropped Wyatt off for a run in their yard while we went to The Evil Empire store for pet food (did I mention we have foster kittens?). However there lay another surprise - she had me pick out a new digital camera as my present! I have been using her old digital SLR which is big and clunky which feel familar of my old school camera however it's a drag to grab quickly and manage on walks with the dog. Plus I have been having trouble doing the close up work I want with my fiber and the color has been hard to get accurate sometimes. The photo above was one of the first pictures I took with the new toy.

Plus it was a gorgeous day, just that touch of crisp that only autumn does. Beautiful blue skies with perfectly shaped and hued clouds. The best birthday I have had in a long time - pretty much perfect. Thanks honey.

Hope for the Nation

Today I did something that I have never done - gone to a presidential rally. Even more amazing, Sunny was still in town so we went together. This truly is one of the best things about being in a swing state - Obama comes to the minor league baseball stadium in your town. And you don't have to park four states away. And the line moves quickly. Amazing. Not surprisingly Obama was a great speaker and I have hope, I am inspired. Of course I am also a bit afraid he won't win and it's hard to imagine what things will look like if that happens.



Here is why I love my neighborhood. These three photos are from a two block stretch. Unfortunately I did not have my camera on September 27th during the 2nd Annual Jazz Festival on the boulevard where our neighbors Kristy and Dea had their dogs (a Boston Terrier and a Jack Russell) wearing their Obama shirts. The dogs looked so cute! That would have made this little political pictorial of South Park.

What a long strange trip it's been

Exactly one year ago today TGF, Wyatt (our canine) and Grace, Gemma, Atticus, and Marcelle (our felines) and I left California, after crazy delays.

For those joining this party late here is the post that started a series of posts chronicling this move. It was a crazy time and I cannot believe a year has cruised by. Not surprisingly I have been having packing(not the good kind ;-) and moving dreams. Mostly I dream that I'm moving to Indiana, I guess even asleep I continue to have problems assimilating that I live in Ohio. Indiana is the last place we slept before arriving so I guess part of me is stuck there refusing to cross the state line. It's funny of course because Indiana is no better or worse or even different from Ohio.

There was no way at that time to know or even have an inkling of all that I have found here in Ohio that is good. Wonderful in fact. Last year around this time I mourned that I would be arriving just past the time to attend A Wool Gathering, though I harbored hopes earlier in the summer that I would make it. Tomorrow I head there sure to run into any number of folks I know. Tomorrow evening is the last of South Park's Porch and Patio parties - a concept I knew nothing about one year ago. It will be the fourth one I've attended this year. Sunday is the knitting group at Night & Day Cafe on Brown Street, which I started in April. Monday starts my third week at Sinclair College taking pilates and middle eastern dance.

What a difference a year makes.

Banned Books Week -A Public Service Announcement

This is important folks. September 27th - October 4th.

I am stunned that Mark Twain is on the list for most frequently challenged author for 2007. How's that for a legacy? Though I confess I have read none of his work, not on purpose it's just I never had to read him in school and never got around to it. He's on my "list" but haven't gotten to it. I am happy to report that I have read other books and authors on various "challenged" list but more by chance than intent:

The Bluest Eye
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Beloved
The Color Purple
Harry Potter series (well the first four, have to catch up)
Forver
Heather Has Two Mommies
The Catcher in the Rye
Go Ask Alice
The Handmaiden's Tale
To Kill A Mockingbird
Deenie
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (well part of it, by A.N.Roquelaure {Anne Rice})
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
Carrie
In The Night Kitchen
Blubber
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Great Gatsby
1984
Lolita
Catch-22
Their Eyes Were Watching God
Invisible Man (I think I never finished it as it depressed me SO much)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Clockwork Orange
Sons and Lovers
A Separate Peace

Going over the various lists, I clearly have a lot of reading to catch up on.
Look here for more events, details, and book lists.

Read on! Visit your local library, used bookstore, and independent retailer whenever possible!

Reconnection

As my dear readers might recall I had been working on rebuilding a friendship with someone from Massachusetts. We had been emailing each other for the last few months intermittantly, with the idea that we would see each other when I was in town. In addition to trying to catch up with Michele, I wrote to a number of people ahead of time letting them know when I would be around. Usually I just grab a vehicle if I can and drive around on the chance that someone would be home. While I like having no schedule and being spontaneous, sometimes I wind up feeling very lonely so I tried something new. This meant putting myself out there, something I find very triggering. What if no one writes or calls? What if they do out of obligation? WTF does that mean anyway? Insecure? Moi?

Before camp I finally saw my daughter (unofficial foster, in my life for about 10 years now). We met and talked for about six hours straight. It was wonderful to catch up with her and really hear what's going on (a couple of emails and phone calls just don't cut it). Unfortunately it sounds like her relationship isn't going to last and her plans for schooling are vague; while her plans to have a baby is still strongly in place. I encouraged her to get some education or training before getting pregnant because it is likely she will be doing this alone. Somewhat to TGF's dismay I said I would help her financially if she goes to school. It won't be a lot, which I told her, but I would do what I could to support her goals.

As usual I stayed with Adrienne but due to a lot of craziness did not get to spend a ton of time with her but it was still good to see her and the boys. Because of the craziness I needed to make plans to stay somewhere else when I returned to Northampton from camp. In keeping with my modus operandi I did nothing about this until the bitter end of camp, staying with my pal Spirit and his housemates for two nights. It was a nice taste of my old life, living with a bunch of folks, sharing things, mish mash of furniture, the smells of a hippie house - ah the memories.

While there I spent an afternoon with friends I haven't seen in at least four years! Ann & Donna moved in across the street from my tiny house in Northampton back in 1995 and instantly we became buddies. Back in December 2002 I flew back to Massachusetts from California to attend the birth of their son. I'm pretty sure I saw them one time since then. In the intervening time they adopted a gorgeous little girl who I had only seen photos of for the last 3 years. We had a great afternoon hanging out, seeing their new house, playing with the kids and catching up. It was so sweet, really was. I must stay in better touch.

The next afternoon I finally caught up with Michele and it was so sweet to hear her voice, see her smile. Wow. Her youngest was in the car, he was a year old when I left so he doesn't have much recognition of me. He is imprinted deeply on my soul as he was the first baby I ever held before being cleaned, blood and amniotic fluid smelling sweet, soaking into my hands, dripping on my pants. When we arrived at the house I was last behind them and heard A (the eldest, the fourth birth I attended) called "Where's Dharma!?!?" So sweet. I got a huge hug from her that felt so good. Next up was A2 who has been slow to warm up during other visits. Not this time! A big long hug. OMG I was in heaven.

Later that night A2 asked me if I had children and I said no (too hard to explain Missy). Michele looked at me and whispered yes you do, meaning her kids. My heart just swelled. We stayed up talking after the kids were asleep and it was so nice, much like old times. The next morning she drove me to the airport and again the conversation just flowed. Mostly from her this time which was fine, the evening was a lot of me. When she dropped me off she asked "when's a good time to visit Ohio?". Again, hope rose and I have more faith that we can rebuild our friendship.

In my overall plans to visit the east more often than this once a year crap so I have great hopes of seeing these people and other much more in the future.

In which our heroine tries to catch up

I know, it's been forever and I have had so many things to write about. So let's play a bit of catch up, shall we?

Camp was wonderful. I froze that first Tuesday before camp officially started, seriously! It went down to about 40F degrees. A tad chilly when one is tenting or in a cabin that has nothing but lumber and bad windows. For the first time I asked for a special exemption of a sort and tented somewhere that was technically off limits. It was so lovely. If I can find the cord that would allow me to download photos from my phone you'll see why I had to have this spot. Sure there was more noise from the bottling plant (did you know they like to back up trucks at 2:30a.m.?) but there were no neighbors, no one (except a chosen few) knew where I was, the view during daylight was gorgeous, plus it was shaded just enough that late afternoon naps were fabulous.

(Finally found the right cord with help from TGF, then struggled to download from phone, but success!) This was taken from inside the tent with my phone before napping in the late afternoon.

I danced more this year than in forever. Almost every night I danced at least a little, most nights a fair amount and several so much that I needed to do a lot of laundry. In addition I danced a lot with people that I never dance, in some cases because I thought I wasn't good enough to dance with them. Also I danced with a more men than usual - Gene B and Gene B (yes there are two of them, weird huh?), Shamou (I so need to buy some of his tunes!) and I waltzed which must have looked quite amusing as he is about two feet taller than me. No I am not exaggerating. John M and I had the best dance, sigh, he is dreamy. I have never danced with Blake because I thought he was outside of my realm with him being most a contact dancer (there are a lot of contact folks at Dance New England), but we had a blast together. Every year I dance with Ken (though I swear we missed each other somehow last year) and it's always so much fun and stretches me. This year was the same sweet, fun, slightly intense experience which took me new places.

I set a new record for hitting the tent: 4:30a.m. Twice that was the time I left the dining hall to head for sleep. Crazy I know but still good.

Other high points beside the dancing, of which there were many (oh but I cannot let it go without saying that Stark spun the most excellent set during the second week that still makes me smile):
- swimming in the lake with Carolyn "Num, num, num" Falk.
- receiving chocolate from my best pal Will
- getting a donut from Jacob, given with a smile
- hearing "shabat shalom" from Adam
- a great community meeting
- watching Spirit dance (yes that's his given name)
- the eyeful of stars that are on display every night
- being joyfully welcomed to the Peace Council committee
- meeting old and new friends
- getting time with baby Mojo
- the "Beach Party" at the waterfront
- excellent food, especially daily fresh baked bread!
- shopping at the store
- getting flowers left on my desk not once but twice!

I am certain I am forgetting a dozen or so other great memories but that gives a taste of why I love this place and the people.

Many more things to catch up on. Hopefully now that I started writing I can continue.

Delight

It's been a long few days here at Dance New England, very busy, a fair bit of drama, and lots of hugs. One of the things that I enjoy the most besides actually dancing is watching the people here move. Tonight, just a bit ago a passel of our young adults, most who have been mostly raised coming to camp, came to the dance. This is a new thing.

The teens and those "raised" in DNE often skip our dance or come further into the event when the pull of the rest of world has stopped calling us adults weird or they realize this is not a place they have pull away from everyone five or more years older than them drops away. It's the first full day here and here they were. Dancing, laughing in a rough circle. Working up a sweat as Rob, who just the other day stated he has been coming since he was kicking in the womb (true!), whipped off his shirt. How cool - dancing that hard, the ease of removal no big deal. The music changed from a techno kind of piece into a number from the Nutcracker and what happened is what often occurs when such a piece is thrown in - as if it was choreographed people elegantly drifted in to a ring that circumnavigated the room. The young adults joined, everyone became part of a whole, the music lifting everyone into one mind but many bodies playing with the notes differently but still unified in a directional flow.

Whoops and applause followed. As the music turned bluesy, a rich and thick rendition of the classic Summertime by Gershwin. It was beautiful but I had to write this image before it was gone, not erased but overlaid with the next hundred beautiful moments that could happen before I might write again. I started another entry two days that still has not seen the light of blog. It is after 2am and bed would make sense, but a stop at the dining hall might beckon, or perhaps not.

Little things can make all the difference

Catching up on Twitter this morning (I started this post days ago!)and found this was written on Sunday , (so glad I didn't miss this - made my sleepy rainy morning):

fortryll I swear @dharmawrites is one of the coolest people ever. Too bad Dayton OH is so far from DC! 09:54 PM August 17, 2008 from web

Gosh - and I feel the same way about Fortryll. We sorta, briefly "know" each other from my GLBT knit list but I always knew she was cool, that we would get along if we met. Then Jennie met her in April 2007 at the first GLBT Knit List Camp and said, "oh definitely you two should met, you'd really like her." How right she was!

It is not my habit to post a lot on this list but I mentioned that I would be passing through Northampton and Fortryll wrote me private about getting together as she was staying not that far from the area and offered to meet up. After a bout of insomnia Friday night where I finally dozed from 4:15am-5:00am I took care of getting last minute stuff double checked before flying at 7am.

Luckily the flights went smoothly, Adrienne picked me up upon which we proceeded to a friend's house to pick up her son, before heading back to her house. Once there a friend whisked her car off so we were carless until her brother showed up where he was promptly told to drop me in town and take his nephew into town so Adrienne could mow the lawn before heading back to her friend's Full Moon Festival.

Fortryll and I had so much fun fondling yarn, talking textures, polyamory, porn, and life. She wound up staying longer in town then she intended. From our yarn crawl we went to grab some lunch at about 3pm which was great because I hadn't eaten all day. Then we wondered over to my annual stop at Deals & Steals where I found the exact replacement for my Tevas - one of which was swept away by the winds of Wyoming. Fortryll was kind enough to take me back to Adrienne's where I promptly fell into a deep nap, awoken by two phone calls. I was so deep that I felt drugged as I barely talked to TGF and Adrienne. Happily Adrienne had leftovers when she stopped home before going back to the festival so I ate, watched silly television and went to sleep for the night around midnight.