Yarnish Update

It has been a long time since I mentioned my knitting, for good reason, there has not been a lot of activity. Until lately.

Last holiday season I had started to make a pair of Fuzzy Feet, I finished them quite some time after the celebrating but they still need to be felted. They were going to be for her geekyness and I had intended to finish them and send them on, but now, with all that has gone on, that plan no longer feels right. So they sit, unfelted, waiting a destination.

Back in January I bought some yarn when Dawn and I went on a yarn crawl in Columbus OH where we met up with Erin. Wonderknit had opened recently and I was on a hunt for yarn to make the Hemlock Blanket. The yarn I bought (don't have details as it's at BC's house, just a photo) is a lighter weight than the pattern generally calls for but I think it will be lovely. It has yet to be started.

In February I started and whipped out a beret for myself with yarn that was a gift from a dear friend, the next month I finally finished the socks I had started for myself over a year before. The timing was interesting as both were finished, the first knitted items for me, right after deciding to leave my relationship. I adore the socks and wear them a lot, every time they make me happy. Often I pop the beret on my head and it usually makes me smile.

Recently I finally finished the third ever project for me! It took forever because I kept doing other projects, or not knitting but I love love love it. There is not a great photo of this one yet. I didn't bother blocking it because it's a rayon blend from the best I can determine and has lovely, lovely drape.

I am happy to report that I did finish Greg's Norway Nights balaclava before leaving Brooklyn yesterday afternoon. The yarn was fabulous to work with and I have enough leftover to make a small project with it in the future.



Back in March, once ensconced at my housing with Matt, I started another pair of socks for myself. The yarn was bought quite sometime ago with the exact pattern in mind as soon as I saw on the shelf. This pattern had caught my eye quite a long time ago, before there was a Ravelry (which is the equivalent to the middle ages in knitting-computer timeline). Unfortunately I think that I should have used size 0 needles rather than size 1, but it will be fine. The yarn on the other hand is not thrilling to work with, the ply is loose and a bit splitty.


Today I finally spent some time adding a few of the many new yarns I have acquired in my recently excursions, and adding project photos, which feels good. Still have a number of photos to take and planning to do for all this yarn. Feels like I am finally moving forward on one my passions, something that makes me happy.

I recently started the first knitted gift for BC and I hope to finish it in the next few days. The name, Boston Red Hat, is because it reminds me the red color of the Boston Red Sox, her all time favorite baseball team, much to chagrin of a mutual friend who roots hard for the Yankees. I have no attachment to either team so I float between their razzing.

I hope to have more to write about my craft soon as I have lots of yarn, lots of ideas, and a couple of secret projects started or in the planning stages.

Books, we got books!

TGF, Jeriann, and I went to the Planned Parenthood book sale just up the road at the Montgomery Country Fairgrounds (fair warning the site bites rock). There are literally hundreds of thousands of books really, really cheap. Mostly they are sorted by categories and kept in them but once in awhile one could find "He's Just Not That into You" in multiple sections like: Women and Psychology. Psychology? Oh please. Well it's all done by volunteers.

Last year I went with Andi on the last day when it's $5 for a bag of book - a deep bargain. Today we paid the actual prices and between the two of us we spent $32 for three bags of books, still not a bad deal. I replaced my disintegrated copy of the Vegetarian Epicure more for nostalgic value than anything else. Because I cannot pass up southern based cookbooks often I snagged Special Recipes from the Charleston Cake Lady. In looking for links, I just noted that she died back in January, sad. The coolest find in this subject area was Esquire's Handbook for Hosts, published in 1949! I found this posting which includes great PDFs from this incredible kitchy book (Hi Squeezeknits!)

I purchased Family Keleidoscope by Salvador Minuchin with the notion that one day I will finish my degree and do family therapy work. In my studies I read lots about the man's contributions to the field but nothing by him. It seems like it might be quite readable unlike some of the pioneers in the field.

Once I learned we we going to this event I decided to scan the computer section to see if I could pick up anything that might be useful in my new job. The plan in my head had been to go to the library but since this was actually happening and getting to the library might not happen I figured it was worth looking around. For a buck I picked up MS Office 2000, yeah I know we are using 2007 but I figured it would at least give me a brush up on the basics; for the hell of it and another .60 cents I scored The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creating an HTML 4 Web Page, complete with cd-rom I mean I have a domain name and nothing on it plus I figure it could be a help in the job, or the next one.

I continue to dream, hope, and plan to write more so to that end I snagged The Right to Write by Julia Cameron (I had no idea she was married To Martin Scorsese!) and Writing for Your Life: A Guide and Companion to the Inner Worlds by Deena Metzger, whom I find inspiring in general though I have read little of her work. During the summer after a conversation with Sunny and starting a different book, I decided to ditch Woman's Book of Creativity because it just dragged which seems an antithesis to the subject, you know? The book which I started that I loved The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp who I almost worship. Almost only because I do not to worship people. It is hard to think that I would love to hang out with Twyla based on my reading because she comes across as demanding and a bit of a control freak. She also comes across as amazingly honest which is rather endearing. Here is what I wrote over on Goodreads when I started this book:

OMG I am in love! My other creativity book (Ealy) has been dragging - it has good tidbits but it's a fairly dull read about creativity. But this? It reached out and shook me from page 1. It's library borrow but I think I might have to own this one to reread it from time to time.

I have loved Twyla Tharp forever. In reading this book so far I can see she is incredibly anal, perhaps even would be classified as OCD via the DSM-IV but she is brilliant and honest in this book, asking really deep questions and opening up herself as an example. In reading the first 40 pages or so I spent the next day regurgitating tons of stuff - I was that enthralled. It's a joy to read.

Consider this a recommendation without even finishing the damn book. I can only hope that the two books I just picked up begin to touch me the way Twyla's did. Now of course I need to borrow that book and begin it again. Maybe in December as November is pretty full what with my knitting goals, NaBloPomo, and work. All in all I am pleased with all I bought today for less than $12.00.

Notes from Women's Creativity Book, part II

Okay it's been awhile and I did keep reading but then I stopped, then I had to return the book to the library. Blah, blah, blah. You know how this goes. Long ago I had written notes which I'm going transcribe here and potentially add more since the reading I did the other night sparked much pondering.

Ealy talks about women being more process than product; how when close to completion we tend to lose interest and not finish, or that sometimes we rush through the end. She offers seeing the completion before starting which seems like a good idea except perhaps I'm more product oriented but lack the discipline to get there. I imagine the end result - garment finished, fit body, renovated home but need to spend more time how to get there rather than by inspired by the end concept.

I am annoyed by the references to "gifts" women specifically have in terms of creativity. It feels just as sexist and simplistic as saying men have special abilities or constructs that allow for creativity to blossom.

Ealy begins talking about solitude being necessary for creativity. I get that and found in reading The Peabody Sisters of Salem a great example of the specific difficulty for women who have children to do their art (Sophia is the sister I am thinking of). I also get that true solitude is hard to be comfortable with in this culture. The united states is not geared that way as a nation.

Now I wrote the above about solitude about two months ago, before my trip to California where I carved out a great deal of solitude and allowed the feelings to flow, worked on staying with harder emotions and not just running back to work or finding people to randomly talk with to divert me. It was a powerful and important thing to do. It is a goal for me now to find ways to create that in the rest of my life. I have always loved being alone in my home, wherever that is, but it is not the same as being silent. Silence is something to be avoided, at least for the most part in my past.

Since retrieving this book the other days from the library I read the chapter titled, Quieting the Inner You. Rather apt given my goals, no? She talks about "creative concepts always being available but we have to learn how to listen to them" (I would change to learned how to listen for them). This is akin to conversations I had with ACL (sorry about typing that wrong last time, though with this spelling I think of the knee ligament that frequently is a source of pain. I know. My mind is a scary place. ) about psychic messages, about being able to "tune in" and hear/see things. We both believe that everyone has the ability but few people actually spend time accessing it, and actively seek to make that a stronger piece of our lives. This is parallel to what Early says. Of course accessing these powers, or flow is all part of the same process whether one uses it for design, psychic tuning in, writing, etc; it requires a silence, an attention, a clearing, a willingness to feel.

Clearing my mind is a hard task but I have learned a few things that work. Ealy references a breathing/counting pattern that is similar to things I have used. Another technique I learned is from Birthing From Within (great, great book) that is called something like focused inattention. Yes, I should look it up, maybe later. It involves focusing for a moment what you see, feel, hear and going to the next sense sensation. I find this works for helping me fall asleep when my mind likes to spin convoluted webs of stress and regret which make me anxious. Instead I let the thoughts come and ask myself to go to the next physical sensation I have: the breeze on my leg, the sound of rain hitting the window, listening to my dog pant, noticing the pull of the sheet as TGF shifts position. By the time I have done this a few times, an unrelated thought may wander in and I can cast it off using this process. The idea is not to dwell on any one thing, not to spin from that initial sensation or thought but to move as gracefully as possible to the next and the next, letting the mind float and skim, not bogging down in any thought regardless of how hard or happy.

Notes from Woman's Creativity, part 1

From The Woman's Book of Creativity.

First I promise I will not be doing all my exercises here, but for now this is a convenient place for me to keep track of some things.

Ealy references the book, The Art of Thought (1926) which outlines a paradigm that she says people who study creativity grabbed on to and haven't really let go of (keep in mind this book was written over 10 years ago). The paradigm has four steps in the process:
1. Preparation - gather all important information
2. Incubation - the mind puts things on the back burner, allowing the unconscious to process things
3. Illumination - where a "solution" is suddenly brought into focus
4. Verification - "giving an outward form to the creative idea" (p. 6).

This paradigm was creative studying men, since the 1920s there has been great debate about whether women's brains work the same way with most people in "the field" say no, which means the above may not offer much to half the population. On the other hand I think many of us use a combination of linear processing, as expressed by the above, and a more "holistic" form. Holistic simply seems to mean not linear for a lot of people but maybe "relational" would be a better descriptive. Reviewing some of the things I have done I see both methods used, sometimes individual tasks seem to require one or the other, but I can also see how I tend towards a combination of processing a great deal of the time.

Page 11

What's your definition of creativity?
Ealy asks us to complete this statement: For me, creativity is.....

When I read this the other night I had an immediate answer that seems to have vanished into the ether since then. Perhaps one part of my answer is "fulfillment". That's what I am thinking at this point. {Added after writing the rest of post, as I edited.} Rereading this answer it's not very descriptive is it? By fulfillment I am thinking about how without creativity there is a lack of passion, drive that goes beyond doing what is necessary to have a place to sleep and food to eat. It is that intangible quality that lights us up intrinsically, that offers us a haven when other things are going downhill or inertia threatens our spirit.

An exercise on page 16 asks the reader to think of the creative people you know and list their behaviors or qualities. Which do you have? Which would you like to inhabit more?

Thinking of a number of people my answers include:
- ability to find joy in the most basic experiences
- interest in a lot of topics, not simply their craft
- physically active
- disciplined
- enjoy down time
- social
- express themselves verbally and in written form
- deeply appreciate others' creativity
- supportive of their friends
- challenge themselves to learn new forms of their art
- a good sense of humor
- finish things
- follow through on intentions

I am sure there are others but it's a start. Immediately I know I am not disciplined and need to be more physically active. This is not just because I think it will enhance my creativity (though I believe it will) but for a million other reasons as well. While I finish some things, I could have a higher output, or not. Not sure if actually finishing everything one starts is necessarily to define oneself as creative but it is a dimension that is important to me. Follow through in all areas is something I think is the quality I want to work on the most because it encompasses the other two in terms of meeting the goals I set for myself, doing things that I know will make me happier, healthier, and more me.

Ealy suggests picking one word, writing it on a colored index card, making about 10 of these and putting them where you will see them regularly. After a few weeks choose a new word/quality on a different colored card and repeat. I like that she asks her readers to concentrate on just one thing. Visual prompts like these cause a push-pull response in my head. It seems so simple, silly almost, but when I have done it (okay it's only been like twice) it did help. I suspect a quick jaunt to an office supply store (one of my favorite places to shop -EVER. Organizational opportunities everywhere, pretty pens with which to write brilliant essays, colorful folders for storing tidbits, {drool}) to pick up some index cards. TGF will probably tolerate this invasion on her visual plane, however I'll try to be mindful when placing these things about the house.

When It Rains, It Pours

Last weekend I decided to send an email out to some of my neighbors about starting my doula services back up. This time around I will be focusing more on postpartum because it's a bit easier on the scheduling than birth, though I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to attend a birth from time to time. The feedback has been great. Then I asked my lovely email group where I have a lot of friends and a large number of them are mamas, or hoping to be, about names. My good friend Dru came up with the winner! Beyond Birth. Even before I settled on a name I started doing a mock up of a brochure but found myself a bit stuck for the first hour or so in terms of what to write on it. Weird. Sweetheart that she is, another friend from that list has offered to help me a bit with designing things. I need to start working on a website, something I've never done but what the hey. Aside from information on postpartum doulas in general, my background, links and offerings, I'm thinking of putting up stories (with no identifiers of course) about sweet or funny tales from working with families. Anything else you can think of that should be there?

Also this past weekend TGF and I went to the library which was great fun. We left with a few stacks of things. I have already scanned through the three knitting books and made notes on Goodreads.com (see sidebar for a link to my page) about them. Toted home were also The Woman's Book of Creativity, The Secret Life of Families, Spinning Straw into Gold, and The Sound of Paper. Since that time I have blogged a good deal (for me), gone on a long walk with Puppyman through the neighborhood, turned the heel on my sock and tried to do part of a yoga dvd, also a few others non-procrastination things. Without even opening any of the self help-ish books, just their presence in my home seems to help.

I mentioned some of these books on that same list and having put The Artist's Way on reserve at the library. Well another delightful friend said she had an extra copy and would be happy to send it to me. How cool is that? I have thought about working with this book since it came out and somehow never did. For me I think it was about never quite identifying myself as creative, despite the fact that I have done things that are creative (write, sew, cook, knit) for a very long time. I believe it's tied to my perfectionism in that I only thought of being creative as having to do with actual tangible output. Over the last 10 years or so I have worked on changing that perception in my head. It began by calling my cooking a creative outlet, something who's process gave me joy, and often the results. Feeding people good food that I've made with intent fulfills me. It may be that reading Like Water for Chocolate helped to give the ability to see food in this way. I deeply connected with food imbued with love and magic

Tuesday the temp agency called me to say that interview I did on Friday did go as well as I thought and he's really interested. Since he would not be looking for me to start for a few weeks, they also told of a two week data entry gig. Sure! It's scrilla, right? I then emailed them with more details about the dates I would be unavailable due to my other summer jobs. It may be that being unavailable for those weeks in June and August will be the end of that job and while the money would have been great and honestly a bit necessary, I will make about as much easily doing those jobs during that time.

Then I heard from one of my neighbors that someone is interested in my services as a doula and is due in about one week! Now this could work out beautifully in conjunction with the data entry gig. Overall it's a waiting game.

A few days ago I began The Woman's Book of Creativity, which is an easy read and much of the content is familiar however I feel a bit more inclined to actually think about the exercises that I've come across already (only about 35 pages in). I suspect I might blog about a few of the thoughts connected with them, as well, it seems the appropriate thing to do, no?

Unfortunately I started feeling sick last night and even had dreams about being sick, so paranoid I am now! Today I still don't feel right but I have the weekend to get over it as Monday I start the data entry job. 8-5 here I come. Please send supportive thoughts, some sleeping potions so I actually sleep at night, and doula clients my way!

Creating a creative process

Recently I read a post by Elspeth (who shares a name with a beloved great aunt whom I miss a great deal) on her knitting process. Her step one is much like mine - Oh my that's beautiful....but would kill me to do that much garter stitch, or would look horrendous on me, or more likely, that would be perfect to make for so and so.

Unlike her, I do buy yarn just because it's pretty, a good deal, or it tells me to. Having a stash does come in handy for small projects (like Calorimetry). She claims it makes her more productive to buy specifically and not randomly so perhaps I should take a cue from her. Reading the pattern intensely, and scrupulously as she suggests makes lovely sense but I am often attempting something new so it is hard to visualize some of the directions. This results in a more zen approach of being in the moment with the pattern and letting it show me want happens as I go through the steps of the pattern. Zen, yea, well it sounds good doesn't it?

I'm with her about the mis en place, which I do with my cooking frequently. In fact in preparing for Sunny's introduction to (our) society party I incorporated that technique since I was making nut-mushroom pate, a Waldorf salad, chickpea curry (in which I cooked the beans myself as well, thank you very much!), lemon rice, and pistachios macaroons. The curry and rice dishes each had a huge list of ingredients, here are a few of them. Where was I? Oh yes, my other creative outlet, knitting. I do like the idea of photocopying the pattern and I do this some of the time, other times carrying around a magazine permanently primed to open to a specific page, gradually looking more tattered and worn.

It is rare that I am making a pattern that has raged like a wildfire through the blog world - I am not sure why that it, perhaps it that I choose very basic patterns from the tabloid version of knitting magazines, though I am readying to step up to Interweave-level patterns. Elspeth's "just the facts ma'am" section is completely baffling to me, leaving once again alone on this island of the neophyte knitter.

Knitters all have drilled into their heads to swatch or test their gauge. It is rare that do this because for most of my patterns it hasn't mattered much however that will change in time. I do swatch, don't get me wrong. Especially for Tigger and Kimono, I definitely tested things out first. The current pattern I am making for her resulted in quite the math project (another post).

I definitely ponder long and hard. When I decided to make a sweater for T'Mane (The Most Adorable Niece Ever), I spent hours pouring over patterns, taking into consideration I had only made the Baby Sweater from Hell as practice (E. Zimmerman baby surprise sweater pattern here's a link to a nice photo of someone else's knitting) and thought such items beyond me. Knitty.com's pattern of Tigger was a great find, though I obsessed endlessly, asked silly questions of myself and others before and during the process. Sunny's socks were another endless search and ponder mission. I created a stumbling block of being convinced that I could never make a "real" pair of socks. Foolish now, of course as I ponder more socks in my near future (there is gorgeous Trekking XXL ball sitting in my stash).

Apparently this a huge part of my process, decide on an item for a specific person and ponder endless on the patterns and yarns (which usually require a purchase because in truth my stash is not that big (yet). My secret project (which is underway) was another example of knowing the type of item I wanted to make for my friend and in my mind's eye I visualized the colour palette I wanted. I found the pattern before I found the yarn in this case. Hours were spent looking at yarns over the internet and in person. I found the yarn spoke to me the most but when it arrived it looked nothing like the image. Every time I work on the project I say "thank you" to Deb of Fearless Fibers who had the perfect yarn. I am in the middle of such a journey for another friend. I know the item I want to make but have no idea of exactly the pattern or the colourway I will ultimately choose.

It seems clear that my process could use some fine tuning. Even though I am a beginning knitter, without much skill, I dream of designing things. Recently I found Nicky Epstein's Knitting on the Edge for about 30% and I can see using it to begin to create my own designs. Knowing me, I will start small, too small which means I'll be about 80 before I actually design anything more than a hat or scarf but life is a journey not a destination.