Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Which is why I am posting here.

I do  not want to lose track of these words. While I struggle to find if, how, when astrology fits into my world view, my ethos, Rob Brezsny inspires me and rarely do the word for my sun and/or rising sign fail to resonate.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "It's never too late to become what you might
have been," said novelist George Eliot. I'd like you to keep that thought in
mind throughout the rest of 2013 and beyond, Leo. I trust you will allow
its sly encouragement to work its way down into your darkest depths,
where it will revive your discouraged hopes and wake up your sleeping
powers. Here are the potential facts as I see them: In the next ten
months, you will be in prime time to reclaim the momentum you lost once
upon a time . . . to dive back into a beloved project you gave up on . . .
and maybe even resuscitate a dream that made your eyes shine when you
were younger and more innocent.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): According to my reading of the astrological
omens, the next 12 months will be a time when you will have more power
than usual to turn your dreams into realities. You'll have extra skill at
translating your ideals into practical action. To help make sure you
capitalize on this potential, I suggest you adopt this Latin phrase as your
motto: *a posse ad esse.* It means "from being possible to being actual."
So why not simply make your motto "from being possible to being
actual"? Why bother with the Latin version? Because I think your motto
should be exotic and mysterious -- a kind of magical incantation.

The one about it never being too late strikes a deep chord as I am only now embarking, with feelings of great pressure and time lost, on my work as a therapist, and hopefully writer/presenter/teacher. However my dreams when I was younger and more innocent were far less fully envisioned; I suppose that is the benefit of dreams delayed, one has more time to carefully imagine details and considerations youth would have mislaid, ignored, or scoffed at - you know, like paying bills easily with a bit of money left over for regular fun and the occasional big expenditure like a trip to Thailand for 3 weeks. 

My dreams and hopes are seriously intertwined, like trees in the Everglades - they are lush, full, a bit scary, can look haunted in the right light, and come in hundreds of colors and shades.

My immediate future is full of the scary and exciting - doing a two hour talk/presentation on sexual orientation/gender identity for my community, building a client base, looking for jobs, lots of writing ideas that haunt me as I try to drift off to sleep, and taking over a conference which will test my strengths of organization, networking, and fundraising, to illustrate some of my plans, hopes, dreams. All this on the background of financial worry, fears of aging, loss of people dear to me, excitement of finishing school (OMG I did it!), trying to finally explore the county I live in after a year of being here, and hoping my friends and community didn't desert me after my hermit like existence of the last two years. 

It feels a bit like being on the edge of cliff, having faith that the winds will allow me to soar, while having the still the tiny but forceful voice that is terrified of how and where we might land.

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