Monday, December 01, 2008

Starting at the beginning

It's December 1st and the first day to try a new attitude about work. I will confess the positivity is not flowing freely. Perhaps a cwaptastic night of sleep is to blame in part. though right at the moment I am distracted, happily, by my three light colored kittens almost playing together - quite a breakthrough. And the moment has passed as they are each on their merry way. Perhaps that is a reminder to take each moment, and try to find some joy even if it is brief.

I have been thinking of writing a post about how my dog is my daily zen lesson but perhaps it really is the cats. I am more of cat person by nature anyway. Marcelle came up on the bed this morning for a cuddle. Instead of craving sleep or crabbing about having to wake up, I found happiness in petting her, having her sniff my face and tentatively lick at the combination of sleep and tears in my eye. After walking the dog, and attempting to find some zen in that moment that was cold and dark, I sat on the couch to check email. Lila, the newest baby - she is still so small, came up on my lap for her morning check in as she often does. She is the one that is truly "my" cat of the six (yes I said six, yes I know we moved here with only four) and I appreciate having that special bond so much it is hard to explain to folks who aren't cat, or even animal people. She is staring at me while she sits on the dog bed now while I type. She just ran over to squeak in my face and sit on my hands as I type.

Sorry I just had to pet her. So often I wish I could take her to work with me. It wouldn't work on so many levels but I swear it would make my day better. She is sitting on my left wrist as a type now, batting at her own tail.

It's now time to get dressed and put a face on. My lunch got packed last night, just need to grab it. Melissa, I am going to give it all that I have today but I may wind up crying in the bathroom at some point. It's just where I am right now.


LittleWit said...

I hope you are able to find Zen in your day today. Hugs.

Liz said...

I found your blog thanks to NaBlo... and have been reading this month.

Just wanted to say that I feel you on the job thing.

I was a social worker back in the day. Worked in therapeutic foster care and still think about the kids and families I worked with all the time. Then I moved from Ohio to Indiana and the laws are different and the payscale is vastly different and I couldn't earn a living wage as a social worker. So I went corporate. Temp to perm. And am still with that company. And sometimes I regret that I'm not doing my passion. But then I look at where life has brought me. I have this corporate job for a reason. I have a good paycheck, good benefits. I have steady hours. I have a job that can be stressful but that isn't life or death (even if others think it is). I can leave the stress at the door most days. I am a major supporter of our family, a big part of our income. When I took this job 9 years ago, I had no clue that I would eventually be supporting a growing family... that I would have kids, a house, etc.

So my point is that life takes us where we don't expect to be sometimes. And the groundwork gets laid ahead of time and we don't understand why.

There is a reason and purpose for this job. You might not understand it now. It might be frustrating now. But this will either lead you to something better or will provide you something you didn't know you needed.


Wyatt's Mom said...

I just want to remind you that Atticus, Gemma, Marcelle, are all yours. Atty would love nothing better for it to be just you and him.

I wish I could make you happy in your life's pursuit. I have come to realize that I cannot, but I can support you in whatever decisions you make.