As reflected in a recent post, sleep is not an easy nor particularly restful thing for me. It is true that the truly deep exhaustion I felt last year around this time is not as present. As I am about to head to Dance New England, I hope that bone tired feeling stays at bay.
I have a tendency to have vivid and numerous dreams which leave me feeling as drained upon waking as I did when I slipped underneath the covers and sidled up to TGF. It is hard for me to remember when I last slept hard enough for days in a row that I do not remember waking up, albeit briefly, at least 3 times a night which is more the norm. Further complicating "restorative sleep" as Lindsay likes to call it in those damn commercials is the fact that a selection of cats like to cuddle up to me. Often I have Atticus followed by Gemma sleeping between my legs and the other hunkered against my butt or calves.
When the recent stress is figured in, it's rather amazing I am functional at all. Keeping all of this in mind, I wondered if I had lost my mind when I booked a red eye flight to the east coast. I spent days telling myself if I can sleep on the plane all will be good. However that was a silly thing since I absolutely cannot sleep well in a moving vehicle, especially if I am not horizontal. Clearly this was another matter of deluding myself "for the greater good" and hoping that I could trick myself into something that is against my nature.
The odds were against me. Only if I can the three seats across so I can curl up (this is where being short comes in handy) do I really sleep anything like soundly on a plane. The seat I had about 24 hours ago was on the aisle of the center 3 seats next to a man who was wearing so much cheap cologne I had a headache which came and went for two hours. Then there were all the chatter in my head: the things I had forgotten to bring; worry over the move; could I find a cheap air mattress since I decided not bring mine; would Adrienne have a sleep bag I could borrow; what the hell was Adrienne's new address anyways; and so on ad infinitum. In an attempt to get some napping in I used the strategy TGF employs regularly - the droning sound of the television. I snagged the headphones and plugged into some movie with Richard Gere about a scam job involving a book about Howard Hughes.
I reflected again how a friend is still peeved about a now ex-lover who wanted to sleep all night long in each other's arms. It surely is an overly romantic vision of love but also a terrible thing to demand of someone when it means they will sleep horribly. Personally I might have strangled the person for suggesting it as a real versus in a "wouldn't it be kinda fun to do that thing they show in the movies but never really happens" way. Not only can I not deeply fall asleep in any position remotely like sitting up, but I cannot if I am in someone's arms, or even facing them! Actually it goes deeper than that - I have turn away completely, I can't even face their back. Eventually, without fail I have to face "out", away from my lover. It is like an intrinsic escape plan sort of response that has been with me for as long as I can remember. Even when sleeping alone I face out. Except for that one apartment where the long side of the bed was against exposed brick and I loved the feel of the brick against my bare feet as I slept positioned much like a right angle bracket for a shelf.
Some people can sleep anywhere and feel rested. Some can "cat" nap easily, almost like hypnotizing themselves and sleep for some predetermined time. Many days I envy those people. But I never envy those who think sleeping in their lover's arms all night is love personified.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Is this what a hangover feels like?
It was a terrible night for me. Three bad dreams in one night, seriously! I woke up totally raggedy, hazy, and thought, I think this must be what a hangover feel like. No, I have never been hung over. And no I am not a tea totaler. I have drunk a fair amount in my past, a much bigger drinker in my youth than these days. Now it takes some time to get my tolerance up but it's not something I strive to do. Really I have never woken up feeling like the lights are too bright, every noise is too loud and dog assed tired after drinking. Perhaps after some other, ahem, interesting nights but not because I drank a lot.
The dreams faded one by one in terms of clarity. By the time I finally dragged myself out of bed after dream three and proceeded to make coffee, quite clumsily I might add, the images faded. The details, the actual quotes blew away like the seeds from dandelions in a wind storm. It reminded of when Piper goes "orbing" but stumbles once returning the "real" world, to recall anything about it.
The first dream was kind of like fun and bizarre Fellini ride with two odd, sort of homeless like men attaching themselves to TGF and I. We wandered around and I know there were interesting conversations that occured. But suddenly it all went very badly. I was experiencing a total mental breakdown. Going crazy was a physical as well as psychological experience in the dream. It was a weird awareness of knowing I was totally losing control. It was very unpleasant.
Next up was an odd phone call with my brother. I haven't actually spoken to my brother in years. No real reason, he just isn't very social and a workaholic who makes a fortune. There is eleven years between us and he has a twin sister who he gets all his sibling needs met through. My sister and I do stay in intermittent contact. Anyway, he has been on my mind because we are considering asking him to be an investor in our our first house flip. In the dream he alternated between friendly and a bit suspicious - even asking me if I had an ulterior motive for calling. In addition there were times it seemed like he left the phone putting our sister and then our father on. Very weird.
The last dream was like a really, REALLY dark episode of Charmed, complete with an evil spirit taking over a character who might have been a bride. The bride character was a cross between Piper and my dear, dear friend Abby. I was trying stave off chaos, discovery of a dead body and saving the bride. The finale was me trying everything I could think of to reawaken the good spirit in the bride to save her and everyone from impending doom. In involved a spell (go figure) that used the word Maderia, or Medera? Not sure but I think if was supposed to be the name of a woman. Oh yeah and there was a black lacy veil which I danced with when everything was righted.
One of these days i might get a restful night of sleep. It's something I get about every 3-8 days. The rest of the time I wake a lot, have too many dreams to feel rested, or something. Like waking up at 6am after falling asleep after 1am - that was the other day, maybe Saturday. Yeah Saturday I got up and worked. Sent 30 work emails by the time TGF got up. Those commercials with Abraham Lincoln and the beaver really touch a nerve, let me tell you.
The dreams faded one by one in terms of clarity. By the time I finally dragged myself out of bed after dream three and proceeded to make coffee, quite clumsily I might add, the images faded. The details, the actual quotes blew away like the seeds from dandelions in a wind storm. It reminded of when Piper goes "orbing" but stumbles once returning the "real" world, to recall anything about it.
The first dream was kind of like fun and bizarre Fellini ride with two odd, sort of homeless like men attaching themselves to TGF and I. We wandered around and I know there were interesting conversations that occured. But suddenly it all went very badly. I was experiencing a total mental breakdown. Going crazy was a physical as well as psychological experience in the dream. It was a weird awareness of knowing I was totally losing control. It was very unpleasant.
Next up was an odd phone call with my brother. I haven't actually spoken to my brother in years. No real reason, he just isn't very social and a workaholic who makes a fortune. There is eleven years between us and he has a twin sister who he gets all his sibling needs met through. My sister and I do stay in intermittent contact. Anyway, he has been on my mind because we are considering asking him to be an investor in our our first house flip. In the dream he alternated between friendly and a bit suspicious - even asking me if I had an ulterior motive for calling. In addition there were times it seemed like he left the phone putting our sister and then our father on. Very weird.
The last dream was like a really, REALLY dark episode of Charmed, complete with an evil spirit taking over a character who might have been a bride. The bride character was a cross between Piper and my dear, dear friend Abby. I was trying stave off chaos, discovery of a dead body and saving the bride. The finale was me trying everything I could think of to reawaken the good spirit in the bride to save her and everyone from impending doom. In involved a spell (go figure) that used the word Maderia, or Medera? Not sure but I think if was supposed to be the name of a woman. Oh yeah and there was a black lacy veil which I danced with when everything was righted.
One of these days i might get a restful night of sleep. It's something I get about every 3-8 days. The rest of the time I wake a lot, have too many dreams to feel rested, or something. Like waking up at 6am after falling asleep after 1am - that was the other day, maybe Saturday. Yeah Saturday I got up and worked. Sent 30 work emails by the time TGF got up. Those commercials with Abraham Lincoln and the beaver really touch a nerve, let me tell you.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Another layer of reality
Last Sunday TGF and I went through every room (although we very briefly tackled the garage - yeech is that a mess and maze) verbally saying what would stay here and what would go with us.
Later, I took pictures of my beautiful desk and the bedroom set that we had decided to sell. I had gone back and forth about the desk because I really love it but it's big and very heavy. It was purchased from Fenton MacLauren on College Avenue in Oakland a few years ago. It is my second largest purchase (aside my house) ever. Originally it was about $900 but like cars most things depreciate as soon as they leave the showroom. Truthfully it was still in very good shape amazingly enough given that TGF would occasionally fed Gracie on it {ahem!}.
Apparently others agreed with me because I received a number of responses to my craigslist ad.
Nice huh? I included other shots of it but I don't want to bore, or tempt, anyone. One really nice guy showed up Wednesday night to see it but he had a valid concern about the pull out keyboard top - not a lot of room for keyboard and mouse because of the really lovely drawer. I got it to work for me but with the wireless keyboard TGF set up it was really tight. He was clearly torn because he appreciated the beauty of the piece. Oh well. At least I got a real bite, right?
Then Thursday night a couple came to look it. They hadn't found a bank on the way over so wanted to know if they should find a bank first. I laughed and said, "How about you see it because no point if you don't want it". But apparently they did because they left to find a bank. When it took some time I thought perhaps they changed their mind and again I thought well I have another person scheduled to see it in the morning. Then there was a knock at the door. Cold harsh cash! My asking price and everything.
Well today was the scheduled move so immediately upon rising I headed upstairs to empty the desk. The reality gathered, hanging like fog from the ceiling as I took out my origami cranes that Carolyn sends every year with her camp registration. Moving from Massachusetts to two different locations in California I still have most of these miniature cranes. This year she used the camp flyer and made one large with two tiny ones for my collection. As I pulled out my rubber stamps and old memo books, all Dance Camp supplies, out the fog settle lower. Collecting the files out of the drawer, unplugging the printer, the mist started hitting my face.
It's all getting faster and faster, and we both have procrastinating tendencies and up heaving our lives is certainly something one would like to avoid. However the desk is now gone so one step closer. Next Saturday is supposed to be our tag sale though I am wondering how we are going to pull it together. My flight to the east coast is late evening on the 16th (yes a red eye, sigh, but that gives me Friday in my old hometown). My return home is on Tuesday, September 4th. Our house cooling party is on the 8th - by the way, if you haven't received an invite, email me. I really tried to hit everyone. We haven't picked a take off day and we haven't lined up a moving company but we really need to soon. All of the above is only part of the massive to do list facing us.
The sadness that washed over me during the final stages of clearing out the desk. I took a few breaks during that simple task because it was emotionally challenging. Of course part of it was selling the desk truly is a sacrifice because it's a beautiful piece and I really loved it. Deeper is the tangible quality that empty space in my office represents. An empty space to be filled with boxes, our live compartmentalized for moving most of the way across the country. We don't know where we are moving to because we haven't found an investor for the property we have picked out. It's all this blank space in front of me. Some days it feels daunting, others exciting.
Later, I took pictures of my beautiful desk and the bedroom set that we had decided to sell. I had gone back and forth about the desk because I really love it but it's big and very heavy. It was purchased from Fenton MacLauren on College Avenue in Oakland a few years ago. It is my second largest purchase (aside my house) ever. Originally it was about $900 but like cars most things depreciate as soon as they leave the showroom. Truthfully it was still in very good shape amazingly enough given that TGF would occasionally fed Gracie on it {ahem!}.
Apparently others agreed with me because I received a number of responses to my craigslist ad.
Nice huh? I included other shots of it but I don't want to bore, or tempt, anyone. One really nice guy showed up Wednesday night to see it but he had a valid concern about the pull out keyboard top - not a lot of room for keyboard and mouse because of the really lovely drawer. I got it to work for me but with the wireless keyboard TGF set up it was really tight. He was clearly torn because he appreciated the beauty of the piece. Oh well. At least I got a real bite, right?
Then Thursday night a couple came to look it. They hadn't found a bank on the way over so wanted to know if they should find a bank first. I laughed and said, "How about you see it because no point if you don't want it". But apparently they did because they left to find a bank. When it took some time I thought perhaps they changed their mind and again I thought well I have another person scheduled to see it in the morning. Then there was a knock at the door. Cold harsh cash! My asking price and everything.
Well today was the scheduled move so immediately upon rising I headed upstairs to empty the desk. The reality gathered, hanging like fog from the ceiling as I took out my origami cranes that Carolyn sends every year with her camp registration. Moving from Massachusetts to two different locations in California I still have most of these miniature cranes. This year she used the camp flyer and made one large with two tiny ones for my collection. As I pulled out my rubber stamps and old memo books, all Dance Camp supplies, out the fog settle lower. Collecting the files out of the drawer, unplugging the printer, the mist started hitting my face.
It's all getting faster and faster, and we both have procrastinating tendencies and up heaving our lives is certainly something one would like to avoid. However the desk is now gone so one step closer. Next Saturday is supposed to be our tag sale though I am wondering how we are going to pull it together. My flight to the east coast is late evening on the 16th (yes a red eye, sigh, but that gives me Friday in my old hometown). My return home is on Tuesday, September 4th. Our house cooling party is on the 8th - by the way, if you haven't received an invite, email me. I really tried to hit everyone. We haven't picked a take off day and we haven't lined up a moving company but we really need to soon. All of the above is only part of the massive to do list facing us.
The sadness that washed over me during the final stages of clearing out the desk. I took a few breaks during that simple task because it was emotionally challenging. Of course part of it was selling the desk truly is a sacrifice because it's a beautiful piece and I really loved it. Deeper is the tangible quality that empty space in my office represents. An empty space to be filled with boxes, our live compartmentalized for moving most of the way across the country. We don't know where we are moving to because we haven't found an investor for the property we have picked out. It's all this blank space in front of me. Some days it feels daunting, others exciting.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
A finished object! New yarn!
No, really! It has been for-ever since there has been any productivity on this front (or any other really). I have been making progress the Secret Project and will have photos of the finished thing soon.
As I noted my dear friend Glamour Girl has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Treatment for such things requires chemo which means hair loss. Poring over patterns in my collection of magazines, xeroxed sheets, and of course the internet resulted in a lot of ideas and some hesitation. Which one, what yarn do I have in my stash that would work.
Finally I settled on the New York Hat, which is appropriate as she lives in NYS. The flower and bow options did not inspire me so I knew I would have to search out a button. Oh, and of course yarn. This yarn was some I purchased off eBay eons ago in this colourway as well as a pink version (which I used for Tigger). I had no idea what I would use it for but evidently I bought it for this.
The pattern called for size 10.5 needles which of course I don't have. But no matter. I used a size 10 circular to cast on and switched to some nasty vintage white plastic double points. Gauge was a funky thing as mine didn't match the pattern in stitches or rows so there was some knitting, ripping, knitting, and fudging. The pattern is a fun, fast knit. But then came the really exciting part - shopping for a button. Stone Mountain Daughters, a store that is way too much fun. It took a little while as there were some lovely choices but then suddenly it was an easy decision.
Is that not a great button? Here is a not great shot of the hat, modeled by The ever patient GF.
I actually popped into the mail quickly and Glamour Girl has received it already. Yeah me.
Saturday Jennie and I went to Lambtown for a day of chatting and fondling fiber. It was a fabulous day and yes, I bought yarn. Jennie is such an enabler! We stopped at Carolina Homespun where we learned about long draw spinning. Jennie had great time playing with the wheel and even made me sit to give it a go. I certain
ly can see doing this in the future! We spent a lot of time over at Yarn Place where I found this yarn that intrigued me but I said, "I have no idea what I would do with it." It was then that The Great Enable struck her vulnerable prey. "Oh, there's enough yardage to make Cozy!" A pattern she knew I wanted to make. Curses! I was ruined. The ten hanks of what turned out to be banana fiber fell into my hands. Sorry for the lousy photo, it was hard to shoot and I wasn't able to capture the accurate colour and the sheen in one shot. I really hope it works for the pattern. It has taken all my control to keep working on the secret project (the finish line in sight - finally!) and not ball up this stuff to swatch.
On the way out I saw some soft lovely yarn in great colours for my next secret project... It was on sale too, only $4 a ball so I picked up 3, just in case though I think I will only need two. Alpaca with a Twist "Punch", in Gooseberry. In person the colour is pinker, again not a great day of shooting here at Casa de Cedar.
We also stopped at Maia's booth, Sincere Sheep. Oh the colours, all natural dyes. Also Maia was so friendly and easy to chat with it was hard to move on to see other booths. She invited me to a spinning potluck on Sunday and I am trying to figure out if I can go!
So now I have some new things inspiring me. Oh, I got suckered in and signed up for Ravelry. At this point it will be mid-late October before I get my invite. Just as well since I will be up to my eyeballs in boxes and hopefully renovating a house until at least then.
As I noted my dear friend Glamour Girl has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Treatment for such things requires chemo which means hair loss. Poring over patterns in my collection of magazines, xeroxed sheets, and of course the internet resulted in a lot of ideas and some hesitation. Which one, what yarn do I have in my stash that would work.
Finally I settled on the New York Hat, which is appropriate as she lives in NYS. The flower and bow options did not inspire me so I knew I would have to search out a button. Oh, and of course yarn. This yarn was some I purchased off eBay eons ago in this colourway as well as a pink version (which I used for Tigger). I had no idea what I would use it for but evidently I bought it for this.
Is that not a great button? Here is a not great shot of the hat, modeled by The ever patient GF.
I actually popped into the mail quickly and Glamour Girl has received it already. Yeah me.
Saturday Jennie and I went to Lambtown for a day of chatting and fondling fiber. It was a fabulous day and yes, I bought yarn. Jennie is such an enabler! We stopped at Carolina Homespun where we learned about long draw spinning. Jennie had great time playing with the wheel and even made me sit to give it a go. I certain
ly can see doing this in the future! We spent a lot of time over at Yarn Place where I found this yarn that intrigued me but I said, "I have no idea what I would do with it." It was then that The Great Enable struck her vulnerable prey. "Oh, there's enough yardage to make Cozy!" A pattern she knew I wanted to make. Curses! I was ruined. The ten hanks of what turned out to be banana fiber fell into my hands. Sorry for the lousy photo, it was hard to shoot and I wasn't able to capture the accurate colour and the sheen in one shot. I really hope it works for the pattern. It has taken all my control to keep working on the secret project (the finish line in sight - finally!) and not ball up this stuff to swatch.
On the way out I saw some soft lovely yarn in great colours for my next secret project... It was on sale too, only $4 a ball so I picked up 3, just in case though I think I will only need two. Alpaca with a Twist "Punch", in Gooseberry. In person the colour is pinker, again not a great day of shooting here at Casa de Cedar.
We also stopped at Maia's booth, Sincere Sheep. Oh the colours, all natural dyes. Also Maia was so friendly and easy to chat with it was hard to move on to see other booths. She invited me to a spinning potluck on Sunday and I am trying to figure out if I can go!
So now I have some new things inspiring me. Oh, I got suckered in and signed up for Ravelry. At this point it will be mid-late October before I get my invite. Just as well since I will be up to my eyeballs in boxes and hopefully renovating a house until at least then.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Doing the proverbial cartwheel
It is a relatively small thing, it really is when one considers all that is going on in my world right now. Between watching a clip on YouTube of a guy dancing (they are both so graceful) that reminded of an old pal and suddenly hearing an old song of "ours" that we used to dance to, I developed the itch to find him. We haven't spoken in almost exactly four years. We lose touch, reconnect, fade out, reconnect. It's a cycle.
We met about twenty years ago, give or take at Barefoot Boogie, a continuing tradition of which I am a founding mama. Yes I was 12 when I started this. Shut up and do not do any math. I have many fond memories of us dancing together, hanging out, talking on the phone all night while we pretended to study - I had just started college (I was also a child genius. Again, shush!) and he was a consistent student. Since that time, when he finishing a BA with a double major, he also received an MPIA (Masters in Pacific International Affairs) and then a JD. He passed the New York Bar on the first try. I knew he was still playing competitive bridge from trying to find him on the web over the years. He was also involved in Model United Nations stuff for years and years. Did I mention he's a bit of a genius? And a classic Gemini.
So the other day I tried emailing him at the address named for his penchant of creating frozen alcoholic yumminess. Today I got an email back from him. If I could do cartwheels I would have done them across the entire house. Because of him I have started a Skype account though I need to buy the headphone thingys. It will be handy because he travels a lot. Really. In today's emails he told me is leaving for London later this week and then he's off to Bulgaria. Sounds like the same old guy, never in one place for long.
I cannot wait to hear his voice again. I so want him and TGF to meet!!!
Doing a happy dance all day over this.
We met about twenty years ago, give or take at Barefoot Boogie, a continuing tradition of which I am a founding mama. Yes I was 12 when I started this. Shut up and do not do any math. I have many fond memories of us dancing together, hanging out, talking on the phone all night while we pretended to study - I had just started college (I was also a child genius. Again, shush!) and he was a consistent student. Since that time, when he finishing a BA with a double major, he also received an MPIA (Masters in Pacific International Affairs) and then a JD. He passed the New York Bar on the first try. I knew he was still playing competitive bridge from trying to find him on the web over the years. He was also involved in Model United Nations stuff for years and years. Did I mention he's a bit of a genius? And a classic Gemini.
So the other day I tried emailing him at the address named for his penchant of creating frozen alcoholic yumminess. Today I got an email back from him. If I could do cartwheels I would have done them across the entire house. Because of him I have started a Skype account though I need to buy the headphone thingys. It will be handy because he travels a lot. Really. In today's emails he told me is leaving for London later this week and then he's off to Bulgaria. Sounds like the same old guy, never in one place for long.
I cannot wait to hear his voice again. I so want him and TGF to meet!!!
Doing a happy dance all day over this.
Friday, July 27, 2007
A very late tag response
As I have mentioned I have been neglecting reading my blogger peeps. While just now I visited my dear 'net buddy Wen and not only did she tag me two frigging weeks ago (slacker, right here on my forehead), but she sweetly implied a desire to help me out with my move. Made my eyes tear up, she did. Given that the Purple Beast suffered a cardiac arrest today, just knowing people care like that means a lot.
So I give you the Fiver:
1. Five favorite days of the year
So I give you the Fiver:
1. Five favorite days of the year
- Set up at Dance New England camp, while it's quiet.
- Hanukkah (really 8 days, but...)
- TGF's birthday
- Christmas because TGF loves acting like a kid that day, it's fun to watch
- I'm partial to Wednesdays.
- My dog running and swimming
- So You Think You Can Dance
- My yard get majorly pruned!
- A snippet of The Catherine Wheel, choreographed by Twyla Tharp
- Burn Notice
- Get a mammogram
- Pack my house
- File papers with the Behavioral Board
- Clip my cats claws
- Back up my computer
- Ballroom dance with TGF (2-2 above)
- Spin yarn
- Find balance in my life
- Set tile
- Speak Spanish
- Max the first. The dog I don't really remember but acted as a nanny. Or so says my mother and why would she lie
- Sybil. When Ninia moved to Hawaii she said if she had children I would be their guardian so of course it was a no brainer to give me her cat who she couldn't transport across the ocean. She would spoon with me.
- Scully who demanded he come back to his house which I had bought. He communicated like no other cat I've ever met.
- Wyatt, our puppyman. He makes me laugh everyday. I never would have gotten a dog except TGF is a dog person. It is next to impossible to imagine life without him.
- Saana. Thoughts of her still make me cry. She touched my soul so deeply in the nine montha she was alive.
- Black and white sundress that I bought from Kimberley at camp a number of years ago.
- Anything I've bought from Tienda Ho on Telegraph Avenue (the best dressing rooms. Ever!)
- A pair of Joe Boxers mens' black pajama bottoms
- A big gray Henley like top
- An olive green mesh silk sweater
- Dance New England camp!
- Longer periods of day light
- The fog
- Warm weather
- Cool evenings
- Liver
- Sea urchin
- Soft boiled eggs
- Chocolate covered candied ginger
- Over cooked spinach
- My friend Adrienne, who is always struggling and always gives more than she has
- Sunny, my mother, because she has been more than generous and I really want to repay something to her. Maybe she could self publish her poetry
- Set up a college, or run around the world for six months fund for our niece, T'Mane
- My foster daughter Michelle so she can make choices she believes in rather than ones she can afford
- Ruth, so she could do her art more and work less, even just for a little while.
- 30 extra pounds (on my body!)
- Bush (in the White House - stole this one from Wen, couldn't help it!)
- My academic record (it's in the toilet)
- The Purple Beast, stuck on the street refusing to start
- Veronica Mars (off the air)
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Two sides of the same coin
A few weeks ago, on the same day two books came to me, both reflecting passions of mine. Really.
I give your my studious, loves to debate side:
No I haven't read any of it yet but it is on my very long list of books I really want to dive into on this and related subjects. I acquired this through a friend who was cleaning out to move.
That same day while I was assisting at her garage sale, my love bought home this sweet book for me.
It's true I adore pin-up art. Seriously. My checks have four designs by George Petty on them and the cover is embroidered with a glorious woman. The new versions of these checks do not thrill me (different artist) and luckily I am not out of checks yet. I just scratch out my old address. That won't work for much longer as I will be in another state soon so my hunt for great new checks will begin anew. When Jennie first saw my checks a few years ago she looked at them, looked at me, looked at them again, and said, "You're not the average lesbian, are you?" Apparently not.
One year for my birthday my then sweetheart got me a leather miniskirt and a sawzall. Both thrilled me though it's true what with owning a home and fluctuating weight the saw has seen more use.
Truthfully I loke that I have more than one side, that some of my interest surprise people. TGF was initially quite surprised that adore old Bond movies, but I do. I can (and do) watch them over and over. Sean Connery, seriously the best Bond ever, though Pierce Brosnan gives him a serious run for his money. Many "date movies" bore me though every once in awhile.... Of course I can't think of one that fits that bill right now.
I love restaurants like, Aureole, where TGF went on our first date (Yes we traveled to meet in person, to Vegas. It was a several day, luxurious "first date".) At the same time I really dig finding cool diners (been there too) and eating "old school" food.
So that's a little bit of me and the supposed dichotomies that exist in this person.
I give your my studious, loves to debate side:
No I haven't read any of it yet but it is on my very long list of books I really want to dive into on this and related subjects. I acquired this through a friend who was cleaning out to move.
That same day while I was assisting at her garage sale, my love bought home this sweet book for me.
It's true I adore pin-up art. Seriously. My checks have four designs by George Petty on them and the cover is embroidered with a glorious woman. The new versions of these checks do not thrill me (different artist) and luckily I am not out of checks yet. I just scratch out my old address. That won't work for much longer as I will be in another state soon so my hunt for great new checks will begin anew. When Jennie first saw my checks a few years ago she looked at them, looked at me, looked at them again, and said, "You're not the average lesbian, are you?" Apparently not.
One year for my birthday my then sweetheart got me a leather miniskirt and a sawzall. Both thrilled me though it's true what with owning a home and fluctuating weight the saw has seen more use.
Truthfully I loke that I have more than one side, that some of my interest surprise people. TGF was initially quite surprised that adore old Bond movies, but I do. I can (and do) watch them over and over. Sean Connery, seriously the best Bond ever, though Pierce Brosnan gives him a serious run for his money. Many "date movies" bore me though every once in awhile.... Of course I can't think of one that fits that bill right now.
I love restaurants like, Aureole, where TGF went on our first date (Yes we traveled to meet in person, to Vegas. It was a several day, luxurious "first date".) At the same time I really dig finding cool diners (been there too) and eating "old school" food.
So that's a little bit of me and the supposed dichotomies that exist in this person.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Another chapter closing
Last night was my last board meeting for BirthWays. Tomorrow I go to the printers to check the blues for the final newsletter I will oversee. For the last time. I believe I officially joined the board in late spring 2003 and have overseen, often poorly, seven newsletters. I wish I had done a better job though I had some challenges which added to the disorganization.
The graphics person I inherited was challenging and I was involved in the decision to fire him. Then I located Pete, who was fabulous, through another volunteer organization (which has since gone under). He was incredibly competent and took good care of our publication, but he needed to relocate. I was distraught. After much searching, agony, and prayers I found Theresa, who is the sweetest woman I have never met. She is a hard worker, a beautiful designer, and incredibly patient with our chaotic structure.
I will try to help out with the mailing party, and I suspect I still forward emails that might be of interest to the board member from my new base in the mid-West. Several weeks ago I told TGF that I would not be joining any boards, at least for awhile. She smiled sweetly and said "the first all volunteer, drowning in work and chaos, do-gooder board that turns up will have your free hours taken before the dishes are unpacked." I am going to try to make a liar out of her. But I can't promise I'll succeed.
The graphics person I inherited was challenging and I was involved in the decision to fire him. Then I located Pete, who was fabulous, through another volunteer organization (which has since gone under). He was incredibly competent and took good care of our publication, but he needed to relocate. I was distraught. After much searching, agony, and prayers I found Theresa, who is the sweetest woman I have never met. She is a hard worker, a beautiful designer, and incredibly patient with our chaotic structure.
I will try to help out with the mailing party, and I suspect I still forward emails that might be of interest to the board member from my new base in the mid-West. Several weeks ago I told TGF that I would not be joining any boards, at least for awhile. She smiled sweetly and said "the first all volunteer, drowning in work and chaos, do-gooder board that turns up will have your free hours taken before the dishes are unpacked." I am going to try to make a liar out of her. But I can't promise I'll succeed.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
An easy goodbye
The other night I decided that today should be my last day at Stars R Us. There haven't been all that many leads lately, probably because it's summer so there have been a number of shorter days, certainly no extra time. So today as my lead pile was dwindling, I walked over to Iris's office space which she shares with Nancy, the office manager. They are both really nice women. I summarized the whys of my leaving, which as I ran things down sounded so reasonable I was shocked.
The DNE new database is so freaking buggy that I find myself sending emails to Charlie, the database guru every time I do data entry. This year's flyer is gorgeous and for that I honour the designer, however she also decided to hack the hell out of my registration form. Any time I have look at the damned thing I feel the fury of a thousand angry bees. So there's that.
I am finishing up the last newsletter for BirthWays that I will be overseeing. It went to the printers today. There is still updating I need to do with the address excel file, and a board meeting Wednesday.
In just over 5 weeks I need to head to the east coast to do my DNE job. Between now and then I need to keep working on registration duties and pack about 70% of my house, sell or otherwise get rid of books, clothes, and other sundries. Probably hold a tag sale in early August. Plan and host a house cooling party less than a week after I return from the east.
And an unexpected wrench was thrown into things today when I was shimmying into a parking place at work when apparently the ball bearings on the Purple Beast went. The front passenger tire is now all catty wampus and it's not drivable. Tomorrow morning I will be calling AAA to get it towed to the repair place. You don't want to know the estimate amount and I can't tell you because I'm putting my head in the sand about the whole dang thing. But I digress.
Iris and Nancy were very sweet and seemed sorry to see me go. Aerin (yes that's really the spelling, I am making an exception here) gave me a big hug which was lovely. Dee was less than pleased because she was losing her "fastest data entry" person. Maggie, my only buddy like person there, gave me a really nice hug. I would like to try to stay in touch with her for a little bit, maybe invite her to the party.
That's one brief and easy chapter that is now closed. Seventy ga-jillion more to go.
The DNE new database is so freaking buggy that I find myself sending emails to Charlie, the database guru every time I do data entry. This year's flyer is gorgeous and for that I honour the designer, however she also decided to hack the hell out of my registration form. Any time I have look at the damned thing I feel the fury of a thousand angry bees. So there's that.
I am finishing up the last newsletter for BirthWays that I will be overseeing. It went to the printers today. There is still updating I need to do with the address excel file, and a board meeting Wednesday.
In just over 5 weeks I need to head to the east coast to do my DNE job. Between now and then I need to keep working on registration duties and pack about 70% of my house, sell or otherwise get rid of books, clothes, and other sundries. Probably hold a tag sale in early August. Plan and host a house cooling party less than a week after I return from the east.
And an unexpected wrench was thrown into things today when I was shimmying into a parking place at work when apparently the ball bearings on the Purple Beast went. The front passenger tire is now all catty wampus and it's not drivable. Tomorrow morning I will be calling AAA to get it towed to the repair place. You don't want to know the estimate amount and I can't tell you because I'm putting my head in the sand about the whole dang thing. But I digress.
Iris and Nancy were very sweet and seemed sorry to see me go. Aerin (yes that's really the spelling, I am making an exception here) gave me a big hug which was lovely. Dee was less than pleased because she was losing her "fastest data entry" person. Maggie, my only buddy like person there, gave me a really nice hug. I would like to try to stay in touch with her for a little bit, maybe invite her to the party.
That's one brief and easy chapter that is now closed. Seventy ga-jillion more to go.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
The last time here
All day Wednesday I played the waiting game. It started at about 6:40a.m. when my cell phone rang with my client voice at the other end. Contractions had woken her at 4:30a.m. and there seemed to be a rhythm that felt promising. I roused myself completely, threw my sleepy body in the shower (I hadn't gone to bed until about 1:00a.m.), and readied to leave. Kissed TGF who had fingers crossed that this would a nice and rather quick birth. She has only heard tell of births where I was home in less than 12 hours and has only seen ones where I was gone for 20 hours or better.
Driving briskly along since there was little traffic, what with it being a holiday and all, my cell phone rang with my client's lovely voice at the other end. She was literally at her door about to leave and decided she needed to reassess things, meaning she wasn't going to the hospital. We discussed everything, it really did seem like the right thing as I trust gut intuition. Exiting off the freeway and I zig zagged my way through the streets, returning home to surprise TGF. Throughout the day my client rang me and we talked about how she was doing, which was always great if a bit tired of being pregnant. I puttered and pondered the purgatory of being on-call; on one hand happy to do and sad this would be my last birth in California, grateful call would be over soon and a small sense of panic that this would my last ever.
We met up with Ruth and Piccolo for our walk to be followed by dinner at our place, a very low key 4th celebration. We headed over to Point Isabelle to watch the fireworks as we had done two year prior. This year however it was amazingly crowded and we were absolutely stunned - what had happened to our private, quiet little spot. Later TGF remembered that Oakland had canceled their light display which is what brought the crowds to our little oasis. Of course I had left my phone in the car and when we made our way back there was a voicemail. Gah! John* had left word that they had gone in for a check where they found her to be 3 centimeters. They had decided to augment and get things cranking. We drove home and I gathered a few things so I could turn right around and leave. It had been freezing by the water but as I headed to the hospital I found myself wondering if I had the heat on in the car. I looked at the thermometer in the car and saw it was 80 degree. People it was 11p.m.! This is not normal weather for "the flats" which is where I live, where the evenings are typically chilly even in the warmest seasons. I worried that I was dressed too warm but quickly remembered that hospitals are notoriously cold in the middle of the night. As it turned out I froze the entire time.
I ran into John in the hallway as I cruised through the halls looking for Amy's room. Amy* and her best friend Amy P were in hanging out when I walked through the door. It was nice to have the same "team" again. Amy P and I were additional supports for the birth of their first child. Amy was in a great rhythm and I held fast to TGF and Ruth's wishes for a fast birth and the goal of my getting home by 3am. The doctor we worked with was one of the best OBs I have ever had the honour of attending a birth with. This is not compliment I give often, though I wish I did. She was lovely, gentle and time constraints never mentioned.
There was a change in the intensity of contractions which cause a twinkle to be exchanged between Amy P and I. When there was an exam done, alas and alack she had progressed 1 centimeter in four hours. It was now 1:30a.m. and all parties were tired. I believe it was sometime around that point that Amy opted for an epidural, in part so she could get some rest. By around 3:30 she was pronounced 5 centimeters. Oh my. I fought doing the math while acknowledging that she had cut the time in half for the same amount of progress. This boded well but I knew too much about the vagaries of the body and birth to wish for anything in particular. Though continously cold, I nodded off here and there, the longest "nap" being probably 20 minutes. Three hours later she was completely dilated. Amy was a bit concerned because she didn't have any urge to push but the doctor was totally relaxed. "Well we will do a practice one or two and see what happens. If nothing then we'll wait a bit." I could have kissed this woman. The doctor got "suited up", saying I may not need all this if it's going to awhile but you never know. Well the baby was right there! Amy had pushed out her first baby in about 20 minutes. This time? it was about 4 pushes, 10 minutes total from first push to baby. Awesome. Beautiful boy born at 7:03 a.m. on July 5th.
It really was a lovely birth in many ways. Amy and John are a wonderful couple. They were my only repeat client in the Bay Area (I haven't done all that many births in the nearly six years I've been here, maybe 20). I felt very entwined with this family, a kinship with Amy - the first time I met her the connection was instantaneous. Also the birth I attended in February was for her brother's daughter, Amy's niece. That is a first for me, doing two immediate family members. A special privilege, it is hard to find the words to really describe the feeling that accompanies this experience. All ways around a lovely way to end my time here for this part of my identity, my life.
*no real names are used
Driving briskly along since there was little traffic, what with it being a holiday and all, my cell phone rang with my client's lovely voice at the other end. She was literally at her door about to leave and decided she needed to reassess things, meaning she wasn't going to the hospital. We discussed everything, it really did seem like the right thing as I trust gut intuition. Exiting off the freeway and I zig zagged my way through the streets, returning home to surprise TGF. Throughout the day my client rang me and we talked about how she was doing, which was always great if a bit tired of being pregnant. I puttered and pondered the purgatory of being on-call; on one hand happy to do and sad this would be my last birth in California, grateful call would be over soon and a small sense of panic that this would my last ever.
We met up with Ruth and Piccolo for our walk to be followed by dinner at our place, a very low key 4th celebration. We headed over to Point Isabelle to watch the fireworks as we had done two year prior. This year however it was amazingly crowded and we were absolutely stunned - what had happened to our private, quiet little spot. Later TGF remembered that Oakland had canceled their light display which is what brought the crowds to our little oasis. Of course I had left my phone in the car and when we made our way back there was a voicemail. Gah! John* had left word that they had gone in for a check where they found her to be 3 centimeters. They had decided to augment and get things cranking. We drove home and I gathered a few things so I could turn right around and leave. It had been freezing by the water but as I headed to the hospital I found myself wondering if I had the heat on in the car. I looked at the thermometer in the car and saw it was 80 degree. People it was 11p.m.! This is not normal weather for "the flats" which is where I live, where the evenings are typically chilly even in the warmest seasons. I worried that I was dressed too warm but quickly remembered that hospitals are notoriously cold in the middle of the night. As it turned out I froze the entire time.
I ran into John in the hallway as I cruised through the halls looking for Amy's room. Amy* and her best friend Amy P were in hanging out when I walked through the door. It was nice to have the same "team" again. Amy P and I were additional supports for the birth of their first child. Amy was in a great rhythm and I held fast to TGF and Ruth's wishes for a fast birth and the goal of my getting home by 3am. The doctor we worked with was one of the best OBs I have ever had the honour of attending a birth with. This is not compliment I give often, though I wish I did. She was lovely, gentle and time constraints never mentioned.
There was a change in the intensity of contractions which cause a twinkle to be exchanged between Amy P and I. When there was an exam done, alas and alack she had progressed 1 centimeter in four hours. It was now 1:30a.m. and all parties were tired. I believe it was sometime around that point that Amy opted for an epidural, in part so she could get some rest. By around 3:30 she was pronounced 5 centimeters. Oh my. I fought doing the math while acknowledging that she had cut the time in half for the same amount of progress. This boded well but I knew too much about the vagaries of the body and birth to wish for anything in particular. Though continously cold, I nodded off here and there, the longest "nap" being probably 20 minutes. Three hours later she was completely dilated. Amy was a bit concerned because she didn't have any urge to push but the doctor was totally relaxed. "Well we will do a practice one or two and see what happens. If nothing then we'll wait a bit." I could have kissed this woman. The doctor got "suited up", saying I may not need all this if it's going to awhile but you never know. Well the baby was right there! Amy had pushed out her first baby in about 20 minutes. This time? it was about 4 pushes, 10 minutes total from first push to baby. Awesome. Beautiful boy born at 7:03 a.m. on July 5th.
It really was a lovely birth in many ways. Amy and John are a wonderful couple. They were my only repeat client in the Bay Area (I haven't done all that many births in the nearly six years I've been here, maybe 20). I felt very entwined with this family, a kinship with Amy - the first time I met her the connection was instantaneous. Also the birth I attended in February was for her brother's daughter, Amy's niece. That is a first for me, doing two immediate family members. A special privilege, it is hard to find the words to really describe the feeling that accompanies this experience. All ways around a lovely way to end my time here for this part of my identity, my life.
*no real names are used
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
A bite too large
The photos of the house that TGF has been obsessing about finally came via email. I found it awhile ago, I think via realtor.com - a frequent haunt of mine these days. Now I am not foolish, by the price and neighborhood I knew it would need a lot of work. However it smelled of potential. I did start to think about things a bit more and how large a project it might be. TGF and I had a serious talk recently about the impact of taking on a such beast for our first project together. If it was a gut job there was no way we could live there and do the work, so that would mean covering the loans on the house and rent - still would be way less than our current rent but seriously, you know?
As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand or thirty thousand words.
Offers a whole definition of indoor/outdoor plumbing, no? Yes that is outside plant life festooning the inside walls of the bathroom. Our Ohio connection friend Jer called after seeing the place which left her a bit speechless. Upon just stepping through the front door her realtor pal said "offer half the asking price". From that call it was clear that we would need to get a dumpster to rid the place of trash - and which from the few photos we have there's a lot of garage. A lot. It needs a new roof. Patches of the stucco are falling off the back of the house - lathe is showing. Not good.
I am sure there are some awesome details in this place but seriously we are talking a gut job here. I'm sure. It could be a fabulous home. But as our first renovation/flip property? I'm thinking no bloody way. I want our first couple of projects to be successful. Successful means we haven't killed each other, we make a little cash, and we are happy with what we produced.
So back to the drawing board as it were.
As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand or thirty thousand words.
Offers a whole definition of indoor/outdoor plumbing, no? Yes that is outside plant life festooning the inside walls of the bathroom. Our Ohio connection friend Jer called after seeing the place which left her a bit speechless. Upon just stepping through the front door her realtor pal said "offer half the asking price". From that call it was clear that we would need to get a dumpster to rid the place of trash - and which from the few photos we have there's a lot of garage. A lot. It needs a new roof. Patches of the stucco are falling off the back of the house - lathe is showing. Not good.
I am sure there are some awesome details in this place but seriously we are talking a gut job here. I'm sure. It could be a fabulous home. But as our first renovation/flip property? I'm thinking no bloody way. I want our first couple of projects to be successful. Successful means we haven't killed each other, we make a little cash, and we are happy with what we produced.
So back to the drawing board as it were.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I couldn't help it
Blame Heather.
You scored as Albus Dumbledore, You are Albus Dumbledore. Calm, perceptive, forgiving, and wise beyond your years.
Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test created with QuizFarm.com |
Monday, July 02, 2007
How to fall in love without even trying
People meet on the internet everyday. There are plenty of friendships developed over those cables and phone lines. At some point people developed something that moved beyond personal ads like the one I used to read for hope and amusement in Village Voice too long ago to count. In fact that is how Sunny met her husband of, dang, twenty years! She answered his ad, a xerox copy of that ad resides in a plastic red heart-shaped ad. To this day she laughs over his "nices" and "vices" list on that piece of paper.
TGF and I met over the internet but not at a site like mat*ch.com, and certainly not e-hypocrisy given their policy of not working with anyone who does not identify as heterosexual. She joined a listserv that I had been a member of for the better part of eight years. We bantered mostly onlist but eventually a bit off as well. At some point we spent more and more time off list emailing. She wrote about craving chocolate and I offered to send her some excellent stuff (some argue that since being bought out the quality has gone down. She freely sent me her mailing address 2500 miles away. Then realizing her potential mistake emailed me back asking if I was a stalker or a serial killer. My reply that I was no serial killer but being a stalker was always a possibility. See, bantering.
It's hard to explain how we went from emailing a few times a week, to every day, to the first phone call, to talking 5-6 days a week in a span of less than two months but that's what happened. On the phone and over email we talked about relationships (she was just leaving a long-term one, I was in an long-term open relationship), our families, passions (her include muscle cars and all things Coke), yearnings. Everything really. The attraction built incredibly fast, she has one of the best voices ever which is a big thing for me. We also fought during this time, a foreshadowing I'm sure of what our therapist calls our "core issues".
The draw was so intense I think it fueled some of our fights because we saw, or more accurately sensed that we represented big changes for ourselves, each other. But I do wonder how many couples who meet over the internet fight as intensely as we did before they have looked into each others eyes. Oh those eyes. Did I ever mention her gorgeous blue eyes? Her eyes are so expressive, I can call up about a dozen visions of her eyes representing a dozen moods. The first time we met, we each flew from our respective homes to Vegas, one of her favorite places. We flirted, touched, walked in the opulence that is Vegas, and had tense moments, probably out and out fights. All in the three and a half days. I remembering thinking that that weekend would be my only chance to actually see her. There was an irrational set of fears that she and all that could be would disappear so I searched endlessly through many shops seeking a charm for the bracelet I didn't own that would represent her somehow, some tangible evidence, a fetish item that I could look at, touch long after she had evaporated.
Neither one of could say what we knew before Vegas, nor could we speak those three little words in person. I fought within myself the entire trip, "say it, don't say it". I could have stripped a field of daisies in those three days. The first meeting only confirmed what I knew: that she had my heart; it also confirmed that this was not going to be a mellow, low key relationship. I was right and that's just fine by me. It is a relief to yell with emotion and not have to turn right away to comfort the other person. Just like I have never been as open hearted, I have never been more in touch with my anger which is a good, if challenging thing.
It is so true that love comes when you're not looking at least as often as when people haunt the halls of love.
TGF and I met over the internet but not at a site like mat*ch.com, and certainly not e-hypocrisy given their policy of not working with anyone who does not identify as heterosexual. She joined a listserv that I had been a member of for the better part of eight years. We bantered mostly onlist but eventually a bit off as well. At some point we spent more and more time off list emailing. She wrote about craving chocolate and I offered to send her some excellent stuff (some argue that since being bought out the quality has gone down. She freely sent me her mailing address 2500 miles away. Then realizing her potential mistake emailed me back asking if I was a stalker or a serial killer. My reply that I was no serial killer but being a stalker was always a possibility. See, bantering.
It's hard to explain how we went from emailing a few times a week, to every day, to the first phone call, to talking 5-6 days a week in a span of less than two months but that's what happened. On the phone and over email we talked about relationships (she was just leaving a long-term one, I was in an long-term open relationship), our families, passions (her include muscle cars and all things Coke), yearnings. Everything really. The attraction built incredibly fast, she has one of the best voices ever which is a big thing for me. We also fought during this time, a foreshadowing I'm sure of what our therapist calls our "core issues".
The draw was so intense I think it fueled some of our fights because we saw, or more accurately sensed that we represented big changes for ourselves, each other. But I do wonder how many couples who meet over the internet fight as intensely as we did before they have looked into each others eyes. Oh those eyes. Did I ever mention her gorgeous blue eyes? Her eyes are so expressive, I can call up about a dozen visions of her eyes representing a dozen moods. The first time we met, we each flew from our respective homes to Vegas, one of her favorite places. We flirted, touched, walked in the opulence that is Vegas, and had tense moments, probably out and out fights. All in the three and a half days. I remembering thinking that that weekend would be my only chance to actually see her. There was an irrational set of fears that she and all that could be would disappear so I searched endlessly through many shops seeking a charm for the bracelet I didn't own that would represent her somehow, some tangible evidence, a fetish item that I could look at, touch long after she had evaporated.
Neither one of could say what we knew before Vegas, nor could we speak those three little words in person. I fought within myself the entire trip, "say it, don't say it". I could have stripped a field of daisies in those three days. The first meeting only confirmed what I knew: that she had my heart; it also confirmed that this was not going to be a mellow, low key relationship. I was right and that's just fine by me. It is a relief to yell with emotion and not have to turn right away to comfort the other person. Just like I have never been as open hearted, I have never been more in touch with my anger which is a good, if challenging thing.
It is so true that love comes when you're not looking at least as often as when people haunt the halls of love.
Monday, June 25, 2007
How could I forget!
I cannot imagine how I forgot this! Last Friday I went to my school's Residential Conference, just to visit people. I am much too impoverished and peeved at some of the higher level staff to actually attend but I could not imagine not seeing people.
The first person I saw was Ray who wasn't supposed to be there, which is essentially what we said to each other. It appears the rumors ran fast and furious that I had already moved to Ohio and that I had dropped out of school.
It was so good to see Jennifer, the best hotel roommate ever. Kerrie looked gorgeous and is really blossoming. It turned out that Mary never moved up to SF which I thought she was going to do. I briefly saw Rick who practically begged me to stay in touch, after offers his sympathies on my impending move. Scott, my bodhisattva buddy, brought his wife and daughter - such an incredible soul. And in the "OMG what is he thinking" catagory, my pal Steve is engaged to someone he has been dating 23 weeks (he said, "What is that anniversary, paper clips?" At least he is funny about it.). Though she was there, I didn't really get a chance to chat with Candice but did connect well with her sweetheart. Several of us offered dating tips to Sheri. Unfortunately I only saw Angela for a brief moment but it was sweet. Theopia and I had many good laughs. My all night buddy from last June's RC, Sandra, actually cried when she saw me. One of the best things I heard, and many wonderful things were said to me that night, was Sandra telling she didn't realize how much she loved me until I wasn't there.
I wish I had known how widespread the rumor was because I sure could have used a sandwich board saying "not yet but soon" and "maybe" to the move and leaving school because I repeated myself endlessly. It was a good move on my part to go but it did bring up feelings of sadness. I will really miss this piece of my life when it really over.
The first person I saw was Ray who wasn't supposed to be there, which is essentially what we said to each other. It appears the rumors ran fast and furious that I had already moved to Ohio and that I had dropped out of school.
It was so good to see Jennifer, the best hotel roommate ever. Kerrie looked gorgeous and is really blossoming. It turned out that Mary never moved up to SF which I thought she was going to do. I briefly saw Rick who practically begged me to stay in touch, after offers his sympathies on my impending move. Scott, my bodhisattva buddy, brought his wife and daughter - such an incredible soul. And in the "OMG what is he thinking" catagory, my pal Steve is engaged to someone he has been dating 23 weeks (he said, "What is that anniversary, paper clips?" At least he is funny about it.). Though she was there, I didn't really get a chance to chat with Candice but did connect well with her sweetheart. Several of us offered dating tips to Sheri. Unfortunately I only saw Angela for a brief moment but it was sweet. Theopia and I had many good laughs. My all night buddy from last June's RC, Sandra, actually cried when she saw me. One of the best things I heard, and many wonderful things were said to me that night, was Sandra telling she didn't realize how much she loved me until I wasn't there.
I wish I had known how widespread the rumor was because I sure could have used a sandwich board saying "not yet but soon" and "maybe" to the move and leaving school because I repeated myself endlessly. It was a good move on my part to go but it did bring up feelings of sadness. I will really miss this piece of my life when it really over.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Social Swirl
This month has seen a lot of gathering with friends.
Early in the month we got together with Sue and Sarah to celebrate their son, The Miracle Man who turned 20. Twenty! How the hell did that happen? I can still remember the first time I met Miracle Man, at a "moms" gathering in early February 2002, just a few months after I moved to the west coast. MM the most amazing sense of comic timing featuring awesome dry humour.
Right before they were supposed to meet us at Casa de Cedar, I was meeting some folks from my knit list, including Joy who lives in India. Dana brought one of her foster kittens who I had lying on my chest for at least 30 minutes soaking in the kitty love. Due to various confluences we went met up at Zachary's for dinner. In a rather freakish turn of events the power in a wide swatch of Berkeley went out so we purchased some semi-baked pies and retreated to our house for a lovely super casual dinner.
A Tuesday early in the month we went over to Jennie's. TGF set her up with wireless while I helped her clear through some stuff so she could rearrange her furniture. It was really fun. No I am not a virgo but I do love organizing and tossing things, mine stuff, other people's doesn't matter - it's all fun to me.
Then Sue spearheaded a "BAMS" meet up on a Thursday night, thinking we were leaving soon. We met at a great Greek restaurant, Cafe Vasiliki, the red snapper was great. Sue, Sarah, Miracle Man, 'Zaye; Jennie & G-Man; the Fabulous Ruthie B; Liz, Andrea and the Perfect Val with their friend Ellaine; Cynthia with her gorgeous son Ben. The last time we had seen Cynthia she was pregnant with Ben - he's two! How did that happen? Of course I feel bad because we are not leaving immediately and this was thrown together as the first of some good-bye events.
'Zaye turned three, so another lovely hanging out with Sue and Sarah at the Big Blue House (really that's the nickname for their place, I swear). It was a lovely afternoon and a fabulous pizza place (see a theme here?), Pizz'a Chicago.
This week has been a buzz of social things, not quite all of them fun. Tuesday afternoon we went over to see the Landlady of Perpetual Patience to give notice on Casa de Cedar and tell her of our plans to take care of our debt to her. (Seriously folks we are going to be paying on this place for at least a year after we leave.) It was a very teary event for me. On the spur of the moment Jennie sent out an invite for dinner but apparently I am the only truly spontaneous one, which was great for me - time with Jennie!
Wednesday I had my board meeting for BirthWays where I had to inform them that I was moving away. Afterwards I ran off to Skates to meet Glamour Girl, who was in town, with her beau (who is local) for drinks. Way too much fun was had by all of us.
Thursday TGF and I drove down to Hayward to meet Sally, from my glbt knit list, who was in town from Virginia with her housemate Amanda. I had met them back in January the last time they were out west. I had picked that area as a halfway point between us and located a restaurant. We were all surprised to see that a very loud street fair was happening that night with a band right outside the restaurant I had chosen. We switched things up and went around the corner for some Japanese at Akaihana and chatted up a storm.
Glamour Girl had some time on Friday so we wandered in and out of stores on Fourth Street in Berkeley and had a lovely lunch at O Chame, a place I had yet to visit. She has had some less than stellar health news this week so we spent a lot of time talking about the "what ifs" and "what things might look like". I hope this all resolves itself quickly and without too much fuss or bother for her.
Yesterday, hm, what did we do yesterday. I would guess not much. Today we went to the Pride March (I just can't get used to calling it a "parade"), which was a fun thing to do since who knows when we might be here for it again. I may write more about various thoughts and dialogues we had about this thing.
This week is looking a bit quieter but I would have said the same thing about last week before I knew better.
Early in the month we got together with Sue and Sarah to celebrate their son, The Miracle Man who turned 20. Twenty! How the hell did that happen? I can still remember the first time I met Miracle Man, at a "moms" gathering in early February 2002, just a few months after I moved to the west coast. MM the most amazing sense of comic timing featuring awesome dry humour.
Right before they were supposed to meet us at Casa de Cedar, I was meeting some folks from my knit list, including Joy who lives in India. Dana brought one of her foster kittens who I had lying on my chest for at least 30 minutes soaking in the kitty love. Due to various confluences we went met up at Zachary's for dinner. In a rather freakish turn of events the power in a wide swatch of Berkeley went out so we purchased some semi-baked pies and retreated to our house for a lovely super casual dinner.
A Tuesday early in the month we went over to Jennie's. TGF set her up with wireless while I helped her clear through some stuff so she could rearrange her furniture. It was really fun. No I am not a virgo but I do love organizing and tossing things, mine stuff, other people's doesn't matter - it's all fun to me.
Then Sue spearheaded a "BAMS" meet up on a Thursday night, thinking we were leaving soon. We met at a great Greek restaurant, Cafe Vasiliki, the red snapper was great. Sue, Sarah, Miracle Man, 'Zaye; Jennie & G-Man; the Fabulous Ruthie B; Liz, Andrea and the Perfect Val with their friend Ellaine; Cynthia with her gorgeous son Ben. The last time we had seen Cynthia she was pregnant with Ben - he's two! How did that happen? Of course I feel bad because we are not leaving immediately and this was thrown together as the first of some good-bye events.
'Zaye turned three, so another lovely hanging out with Sue and Sarah at the Big Blue House (really that's the nickname for their place, I swear). It was a lovely afternoon and a fabulous pizza place (see a theme here?), Pizz'a Chicago.
This week has been a buzz of social things, not quite all of them fun. Tuesday afternoon we went over to see the Landlady of Perpetual Patience to give notice on Casa de Cedar and tell her of our plans to take care of our debt to her. (Seriously folks we are going to be paying on this place for at least a year after we leave.) It was a very teary event for me. On the spur of the moment Jennie sent out an invite for dinner but apparently I am the only truly spontaneous one, which was great for me - time with Jennie!
Wednesday I had my board meeting for BirthWays where I had to inform them that I was moving away. Afterwards I ran off to Skates to meet Glamour Girl, who was in town, with her beau (who is local) for drinks. Way too much fun was had by all of us.
Thursday TGF and I drove down to Hayward to meet Sally, from my glbt knit list, who was in town from Virginia with her housemate Amanda. I had met them back in January the last time they were out west. I had picked that area as a halfway point between us and located a restaurant. We were all surprised to see that a very loud street fair was happening that night with a band right outside the restaurant I had chosen. We switched things up and went around the corner for some Japanese at Akaihana and chatted up a storm.
Glamour Girl had some time on Friday so we wandered in and out of stores on Fourth Street in Berkeley and had a lovely lunch at O Chame, a place I had yet to visit. She has had some less than stellar health news this week so we spent a lot of time talking about the "what ifs" and "what things might look like". I hope this all resolves itself quickly and without too much fuss or bother for her.
Yesterday, hm, what did we do yesterday. I would guess not much. Today we went to the Pride March (I just can't get used to calling it a "parade"), which was a fun thing to do since who knows when we might be here for it again. I may write more about various thoughts and dialogues we had about this thing.
This week is looking a bit quieter but I would have said the same thing about last week before I knew better.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Another silly one
You may notice a trend as I am distracted, teary, and working on being unaffected by stress. Yeah right!
This quiz, well, I would never wear this but I like the description.
This quiz, well, I would never wear this but I like the description.
| Your Nail Polish Color is Black |
 How you're unique: There's nothing about you that isn't unique Why your style rocks: You are a total indie chick... and you can pull it off What this color says about you: "I'm a trendsetter and don't care what anyone else is doing!" |
On a lighter note
TGF says this is highly accurate.
What Color is Your Brain?
BLUE:
What Color is Your Brain?
BLUE:
At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation.
With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener.
With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings.
Take this quiz!
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Thursday, June 14, 2007
The gods laugh when you make plans
We have all felt that from time to time, right? Well I tell you l feel like I am a permanent spin cycle over here. The other night I set up a G**gle calendar to begin to make sense of everything since we picked a moving date of July 17th (which in an ultimate irony is the date in 2001 that my then partner left Massachusetts in the rented moving truck). I have things like "linen closet", "pack my office", "get boxes", and "give notice to the Landlady of Perpetual Patience. Picked the date for the house cooling party. Finally tell my GLBT knitting email group what's up early this afternoon.
I leave to go to the post office and Rockridge Rags - that was a bust. They have specific hours for consignment sales and I showed up too late. Driving home on the freeway (what joke that name is) is boggy but the radio plays an old favorite which I blast. A good tune always makes me happier. Music is definitely one of the things I use to get through things.
Walking in the house I see TGF on the phone not looking happy. This is not a good thing. I quietly check email trying to distract my brain from trying to guess what is happening. She gets off the phone and just blurts out that it was the regional guy from Best Cellular Network Ever company. First of all apparently the store was supposed to open July 1st. No one told us that! All we knew was the end of July. Wee bit different no? Things have changed yet again. The new scheduled date for opening is October 1st, that's why he called. As she tell me the new date my head explodes and only a few clear thoughts can be found. Yeah, she can come to camp with me! Whew, my work with DNE won't get screwed with. OMG more rent we will owe forever. Oh, now she can grab those free Mac G3s and sell them for some cash.
Dramatically I walked into the bedroom, throw myself upon the bed and just lie there for a few moments. A loud series of growls or something emits from my body. Realizing this is not a mature way to handle things I walk out back to find TGF sucking on a sin stick. We begin to talk about various options. The breathing room is really welcome. TGF also had the same thought about going to camp, great minds and all that.
Right now it seems that we will keep moving through our crap, sorting, freecycling, selling, and tossing. Packing will commence fairly soon. Luckily I hadn't scheduled the evite mailing until this coming Sunday so I don't need to send out a change. The move has been pushed back until early September, probably soon after I return from camp. This again has shades of the past as in 2001 I went to camp, came back to Northampton, stayed at a friend's while I packed the end pieces of my house and hit the road on September 10th 2001. Looks like if we do the same sort of schedule we will load the truck on the 10th and leave on the 11th. Shoot me now.
I leave to go to the post office and Rockridge Rags - that was a bust. They have specific hours for consignment sales and I showed up too late. Driving home on the freeway (what joke that name is) is boggy but the radio plays an old favorite which I blast. A good tune always makes me happier. Music is definitely one of the things I use to get through things.
Walking in the house I see TGF on the phone not looking happy. This is not a good thing. I quietly check email trying to distract my brain from trying to guess what is happening. She gets off the phone and just blurts out that it was the regional guy from Best Cellular Network Ever company. First of all apparently the store was supposed to open July 1st. No one told us that! All we knew was the end of July. Wee bit different no? Things have changed yet again. The new scheduled date for opening is October 1st, that's why he called. As she tell me the new date my head explodes and only a few clear thoughts can be found. Yeah, she can come to camp with me! Whew, my work with DNE won't get screwed with. OMG more rent we will owe forever. Oh, now she can grab those free Mac G3s and sell them for some cash.
Dramatically I walked into the bedroom, throw myself upon the bed and just lie there for a few moments. A loud series of growls or something emits from my body. Realizing this is not a mature way to handle things I walk out back to find TGF sucking on a sin stick. We begin to talk about various options. The breathing room is really welcome. TGF also had the same thought about going to camp, great minds and all that.
Right now it seems that we will keep moving through our crap, sorting, freecycling, selling, and tossing. Packing will commence fairly soon. Luckily I hadn't scheduled the evite mailing until this coming Sunday so I don't need to send out a change. The move has been pushed back until early September, probably soon after I return from camp. This again has shades of the past as in 2001 I went to camp, came back to Northampton, stayed at a friend's while I packed the end pieces of my house and hit the road on September 10th 2001. Looks like if we do the same sort of schedule we will load the truck on the 10th and leave on the 11th. Shoot me now.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The time has come for desparate measures
Breena asked me about the whys of our parting with things. By the way, folks go read her sometime, she's great.
One - We have a lot of things we don't really need. Like old bank statements, sewing patterns I have never used, nail polish I have no patience to bother with. Why move it? Lots is moving out of here via Freecycle. Every time I put a labeled bag on my porch I feel a bit gleeful. It is so lovely being able to give new life to things.
Two - The reason I have been hauling bags of clothing around (Rockridge Rags is next up for my "look at this lovely stuff" act), advertising things like a fax machine, a file cabinet, china and other things is we are dead broke. Seriously folks. We have been scrapping by for over a year now. I have no credit left on my two cards. There is not a savings accounts. Nada.
To move we need to rent a moving truck, hire some guys to load our heavy furniture, pay for gas across country and live on cheap peanut butter and bread from now until god knows when. Keep the critters fed. Oh yeah, and put first, last and security on a place sight unseen so we have somewhere to unload the truck.
So in addition to my nekkid dances in the moonlight by the bay I have added a "donate" button on my sidebar. It feels weird and in truth I don't expect to get anything but I have to try everything, you know?
Psst. Speaking of which....
I still got that china.
I'm just saying....
One - We have a lot of things we don't really need. Like old bank statements, sewing patterns I have never used, nail polish I have no patience to bother with. Why move it? Lots is moving out of here via Freecycle. Every time I put a labeled bag on my porch I feel a bit gleeful. It is so lovely being able to give new life to things.
Two - The reason I have been hauling bags of clothing around (Rockridge Rags is next up for my "look at this lovely stuff" act), advertising things like a fax machine, a file cabinet, china and other things is we are dead broke. Seriously folks. We have been scrapping by for over a year now. I have no credit left on my two cards. There is not a savings accounts. Nada.
To move we need to rent a moving truck, hire some guys to load our heavy furniture, pay for gas across country and live on cheap peanut butter and bread from now until god knows when. Keep the critters fed. Oh yeah, and put first, last and security on a place sight unseen so we have somewhere to unload the truck.
So in addition to my nekkid dances in the moonlight by the bay I have added a "donate" button on my sidebar. It feels weird and in truth I don't expect to get anything but I have to try everything, you know?
Psst. Speaking of which....
I still got that china.
I'm just saying....
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
In which our heroine feels thwarted by her universe
Absolutely thwarted I tell you. Or maybe cursed. Either is not fun let me assure you in case you had any delusions that this is a good thing.
I am trying to clear things out of here, much of it good shape, and get some cash. Thinking I had a bit of equity if you will in my china I put it on craigslits, Berkeley Parent's Network. Nada. Ebay, ditto. Contacted three auction house to try that route. Essentially I got laughed at via the phone and email. My mother's wedding china would cost me over three grand to replace but I cannot sell it for anything like that, or even one third of that amount. Anyone want a mid-century collection setting for 12 plus some serving pieces? Cheap!
Today I brought a couple of bags of clothing, all nice stuff- some never worn, to two second hand stores.. None of it even old. The first place bought only two crappy pair of shoes that my mother bought at Ross's during her visit to the west coast. Hideous things. Seven bucks. Hop over to the other place hoping for better luck. Here there is a huge line. A number of nice people so some pleasant little chats. Got a few rows of knitting done on T'Mane's top. Haven't been knitting much but both pieces really have a deadline now. Finally get to the table and again, no luck. Two more pieces gone for twelve bucks. Woo-freaking-hoo.
No nibbles on the majority of stuff I posted on craigslist. No extra hours last week at work. Doesn't look like any will happen this week either. It's depressing. Sunday night I went to sleep about midnight only to wake up about 4am unable to shut my brain off so I padded into the living room. That's when I wrote my last post, in the early hours of Monday morning. I feel like I'm such a roller coaster of emotions. One moment I'm feeling positive, virtuous even- like when I went through my entire four drawer file cabinet- another moment like after the first clothing store, incredibly angry. Speaking of which, anyone looking for an eclectic selection of clothing? Cheap? Some books at a bargain. A set of four vintage champagne glasses for $10? Bah humbug.
I'm tired of doing my nekkid dances in the moonlight on the shores of bay and not getting anything in return. Anyone else want to cast some spells?
I am trying to clear things out of here, much of it good shape, and get some cash. Thinking I had a bit of equity if you will in my china I put it on craigslits, Berkeley Parent's Network. Nada. Ebay, ditto. Contacted three auction house to try that route. Essentially I got laughed at via the phone and email. My mother's wedding china would cost me over three grand to replace but I cannot sell it for anything like that, or even one third of that amount. Anyone want a mid-century collection setting for 12 plus some serving pieces? Cheap!
Today I brought a couple of bags of clothing, all nice stuff- some never worn, to two second hand stores.. None of it even old. The first place bought only two crappy pair of shoes that my mother bought at Ross's during her visit to the west coast. Hideous things. Seven bucks. Hop over to the other place hoping for better luck. Here there is a huge line. A number of nice people so some pleasant little chats. Got a few rows of knitting done on T'Mane's top. Haven't been knitting much but both pieces really have a deadline now. Finally get to the table and again, no luck. Two more pieces gone for twelve bucks. Woo-freaking-hoo.
No nibbles on the majority of stuff I posted on craigslist. No extra hours last week at work. Doesn't look like any will happen this week either. It's depressing. Sunday night I went to sleep about midnight only to wake up about 4am unable to shut my brain off so I padded into the living room. That's when I wrote my last post, in the early hours of Monday morning. I feel like I'm such a roller coaster of emotions. One moment I'm feeling positive, virtuous even- like when I went through my entire four drawer file cabinet- another moment like after the first clothing store, incredibly angry. Speaking of which, anyone looking for an eclectic selection of clothing? Cheap? Some books at a bargain. A set of four vintage champagne glasses for $10? Bah humbug.
I'm tired of doing my nekkid dances in the moonlight on the shores of bay and not getting anything in return. Anyone else want to cast some spells?
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