In which our heroine has a successful blind date

Okay, it wasn't really a blind date, but it was significantly visually impaired. It wasn't your typical date, because it was not with a person, not even a precious feline at the shelter, no it was with a neighborhood. 


We had been eyeing each other, me more warily perhaps, as I traveled north to "visit" but really all I did was circle the same blocks for parking before my class. Taking sidelong glances I considered, vaguely and without any really commitment or desire, what it would be like to live here. But I was still terribly attached and unwilling to let go of the other habitat despite the lack of any long term future being available.This was a relationship where one partner is just there, and I was the partner who was experiencing unrequited love - fully aware that there would be no ring and yet could not imagine being anywhere else.


Finally, however the time had come to make a break. So with the hope of some New Relationship Energy (NRE), I began checking out potential mates. Scoping out craigslists and then doing background checks on potential mates via google streetview, I slowly weeded out the deadbeats, the high maintenance glamours pusses, and the poseurs. Then came time for the coffee dates, and there were quite a number. Because of the time and travel involved I double, triple and quadrupled booked the suitors back to back, knowing it was likely none of them would take too much time. The first day of meet ups landed me two horrid matches and one that seemed good, but I didn't want to settle; I mean I had only begun to look.


The next day of showings I got stood up, which was mightily disappointing because the block felt right - a church across the street and another three doors down, it reminded me of an early love, Cobble Hill. You know how powerful those old loves can be, sometimes you don't even recognize the similarities before you are unreasonably smitten. The other beaus did not compare that day. Finally a few days later I returned and the next to last abode was meh, and I was talking myself into it; you know the speech: well I could work with the potential, I recognize the things that will make me crazy in a few months, but I don't want to be alone. But then! I returned to site of heartache, the one that I thought got away, that I foolishly was sure that day was the one. The moment I crossed the threshold of the front door I was hooked. Yet I held my breath, there were flights to climb before I could know, perhaps this swain was all surface and no heart. 


Sometimes we know our fate the minute we meet our next mate, this was one of those times. Despite the crossed wires of days earlier, I knew deep in my heart that this, this was my new home. We declared our mutual affection by way of handing over a deposit so no other suitors could be lured by it's charms.


I was giddy, positively gleeful; a sense of relief washed over me knowing my unrequited adoration could be let go of. And yet, I was also sad, mourning the sweet embrace without commitment. In the time The Cabin and I had been together I had learned a lot of love without attachment, about being alone within it's confines. The process of actually separating was harder than I expected, and at the same time exactly as painful as I expected. 


My first night The Studio was comical to say the least. There was four pieces of furniture and some boxes and it was hotter than hell on the third floor of a south facing apartment but I picked up some Thai food, and a bottle of Moscato. I took a cool bath before commencing the wine bottle opening - what a debacle, I felt like the fifth awkward wheel of the girls on Sex and the City. If it had been such a program, I would have knocked on my neighbor’s door - who course would be gorgeous and we would wind up in bed. But no, it was just me struggling with a towel, a cheap 99cent corkscrew, sweating on my freshly bathed skin. But still it was a successful first date - the wine store attendant was friendly, the wine was spectacular, and the pad thai was delightful. I returned to The Cabin for the ongoing process of moving on.


About a week later our next involved a search for food and air conditioning as the July heat wave continued and I found myself at the Daily Grind, enjoying iced coffee and a salad. Upon readying to pay my bill and exit, I struck up a conversation with my server. A delightful chat and learned about First Fridays - what a charming thing! I proceeded to wander up and down Lark Street and stopping at Elisse Halloran's shop - I saw many possible birthday presents to buy myself in a few months. As it turned out Elisse was in the shop and we chatted quite amicably and I met her adorable dog JoJo. At this point I was seriously crushing on my new locale. 


It is now a week or so later, and I haven't been up here much, though as of yesterday I am feeling like I live here which, given that we (The Studio and I) have only spent the night together four times thus far, is quite remarkable. Granted I am still the babe with commitment issues but I am really digging my NRE right now.

Happy surreality

(This should have been put up months ago, sorry!)

January 20th I became an aunt for the first time. I am still a little bit boggled by the huge positive, gushy feelings I have regarding this.

Background: My brother and sister are twins, eleven years younger than me, and we only share a biological father. We have shared family history, but little shared personal history, if that makes sense. I have always loved them but we are not very close for many of the reasons listed in above. Not close but since the day they were born I would do anything for them.

My twin siblings came home from the hospital at about 5 days of age. I walked into the nursery (that was set up for one baby - no ultrasounds back then) where my stepmother was nursing my brother, and she told me to reach into the crib to pick up my sister. I was terrified: I was short, the crib side seemed so tall, my sister was so tiny. She was wearing a blue, terrycloth sleeper one piece. Though I have no memory of this, I am positive I was trembling in terror of dropping her, not knowing how to hold her. Yet I picked her up and was in awe.

Fast forward more years than I or my sister want to admit to and on Saturday, January 21st I stepped into her L&D recovery room, trembling again, deep inside, for very different reasons. The emotions running through me were and still are a little hard to put into words. It took a lot of control not to rip my nephew out of our father's arm because the desire to cradle him felt akin to what a mama bear feels toward protecting their young. Finally our father was able let go and I encircled my arms around Logan. It felt like magic and my heart seemed fuller, bigger, more complete.

A while later my brother was getting ready to leave. My sister asked if he wanted to hold the baby; he refused, saying he'd wait until the baby was older. I realized that perhaps my brother had never held a newborn before. This would never do. My sister laughed and made a joke about him waiting until Logan was 13. Firmly but with love, I told my brother that he was going to held him before he left. Moving him into a chair I placed the baby in his awkward arms. My brother looked like he was afraid to breathe. I assisted him into a more natural, relaxed way to hold the baby. It felt like the right thing to do, it felt important; I have no idea who it felt to my brother but I'm happy I did it.

Soon after that I left and could not help smiling, still surprised at how compelled I was to barrel my way into NYC, that I could not wait another minute longer before making this visit. The pull was so visceral, so all consuming and I never expected that. I have been showing off the pictures my sister posted on FB. My schedule makes visiting next to impossible and it is so frustrating. I also know the reality is that my sister and I quite different in many way, may differ on ideas about parenting, babies, everything, who cares. Not in the least. There is a new life in my family, a connection that I have waited to have for a very long time.

(It is almost three months since I wrote this and I have seen him once where I got to cuddle him for a lovely amount of time. I am still besotted.)

World AIDS Day

I woke today, early in the morning, reaching for my phone to check the time. Before even noticing the time I noticed the date and in my sleepy state thought "world AIDS day".

In 1980, maybe 1981 I remember driving with my father in the car to school - an extremely rare thing, and the radio was doing a report on some men with Kaposi Sarcoma. This was the first report I ever heard related to what was about to become the AIDS epidemic. Today Hillary Clinton made a press statement which included

We have come a long way in the fight against AIDS, but there is still a long road ahead to realize our ambitious goals. If we continue to work together and coordinate a global effort guided by science, we may one day live in a AIDS-free generation.

What a lovely thought. I am not sure I can allow myself to think I will see, at least not yet but it's a nice dream.

Rest in Peace: Doug, Ben, Glenda, and the cousin I never met.

The 30th

Finally. I did not fully succeed but given everything I am please with my attempt. Hop you were happy with whatever you attempted to accomplish this month.

I am officially done with everything except my final paper for Social Welfare Policy. If I manage a B- in this class I will be satisfied. Not pleased, but happy to have it done.

Macro I, I have done all that I think I can do, except a few more comments on my colleagues postings. The assignments that get reworked into the final paper? Yeah, I'm behind. I will draft the assignments, submit them and without feedback will write the final.

Tomorrow I will get my third paper back from my Micro I professor, and I am cautiously hopeful. The final paper may kill me however.

Playing major catch up in Human Development and Behavior I. Still have module postings to do, a much delayed mid-term and the final.

Yeah the next 9 days will be hell.

I would love to say I will keep blogging through all this but just case a heavy dose of reality sinks in, see you on the other side of the semester!

simple things

(Yes, yes, I realized late last night, about 12:40am that I lost track of posting yesterday. Ah well. It's my fifth year doing this and the first where I missed days. I suppose with all that's on my plate it is to be expected).

Late Saturday The Music Nerd (trying on a nickname for my sweetheart, we'll see if it sticks) and I were driving home after an all day meeting in Cambridge that we attended. I was asked about my favorite movies of the holiday season. Rudolph is undoubtedly a top favorite, as is The Grinch. The Year without A Santa Claus is another, the songs crack me up. I also spoke about watching the Nutcracker Suite every year, not that I remember which company performed it, or if it were the same production aired year after year. Then I recalled how once a year The Wizard of Oz would be on television. It seemed to me that it was on every November, though I don't have any clear recollection, not really.

Sunday I woke sullen, cranky, and unmotivated. I gave fair warning to the Music Nerd, who was gracious about it, asking if there were anything to help. "No," I replied flatly. Being faced with such a sweet inquiry, and those gorgeous, kind eyes, I started blabbering about all the things that were overwhelming me: I have so much school work to due; terrified I won't pull it off, that I will freeze like the last time I attempted grad school; my house is a mess - needs a true cleaning; I've gained a bit of weight; behind on DNE work, and basically I blathered on about my fears, anxiety, generally bitching about my life.

As I attempted to settle in to accomplish some of the mountain of schoolwork, suddenly the television was on, a movie was starting. Without me noticing, Music Nerd had popped in a dvd - The Wizard of Oz. The smile that came over was so big, my heart lifted with the sweet gesture. Music Nerd was surprised at my response. This is at least the second time that MN has done the exact perfect thing to attempt to remedy me when I have been at some of my worst.

Simple things, thoughtful gestures, makes life so much better.

it's late

But I'm here.
Now I'm going to bed.

Anxious melancholy

The title sums up the feelings that keep sliding over me, or rather creeping around my innards, leaving feeling like something is terribly wrong. It resembles the impending doom feelings that were regular visitors before I discovered happy pills. I am not without my drugs of choice so I am at a loss to explain why this keeps settling over me. It could be that I am coming to the end of my semester and the stress is getting to me. Perhaps that is all, not that that is minor but it could be reasonable; which is perferable to truly something being wrong, or that my feelings of things being about to implode is true. Even if it quite reasonable and explainable, it still nerve wracking and leaves spending a portion of everyday waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do hope this stops easily, on its own, and soon,

*Please excuse typos and brevity, composed on my phone.

Anxious melancholy

The title sums up the feelings that keep sliding over me, or rather creeping around my innards, leaving feeling like something is terribly wrong. It resembles the impending doom feelings that were regular visitors before I discovered happy pills. I am not without my drugs of choice so I am at a loss to explain why this keeps settling over me. It could be that I am coming to the end of my semester and the stress is getting to me. Perhaps that is all, not that that is minor but it could be reasonable; which is perferable to truly something being wrong, or that my feelings of things being about to implode is true. Even if it quite reasonable and explainable, it still nerve wracking and leaves spending a portion of everyday waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do hope this stops easily, on its own, and soon,

*Please excuse typos and brevity, composed on my phone.

Another favorite

Fifteen years from tonight you have to make a desicion
The greatest love of your life
Is gonna call during dinner...
From the home of the girl that he's living with now
And the guilt he'll say is killing him
He's wilted in the middle and
He knows how bad he acted
Knows he can't have you back
But the fact is he can't be happy when you're angry
And you're so angry, he says you stayed so mad
And he heard it on the street that
You moved back in with your dad
You were drinking something awful
And that makes him sad
Then he says it's good to hear your voice again
And that it's hard to ask it,
But he's calling with a question
He's been working real hard, he's trying to make a new start
An honest to god fresh beginning
So maybe you could try to finally find it in your heart
To forgive him

You've already been here before
You already know where it goes
You chose this, you know it's suppose to be over
You've been here before
You already know where it goes
You chose this, you know it's suppose to be over

He hung up the phone, you listened to the dial tone
And you stared at the stove until the beeping started
You read some love letters some threats
And some you couldn't tell apart
That you keep under the bed at the apartment
And then you did what he asked you to do
You opened your heart up
Right there on a napkin on the carpet
And part of it was frostbit
But you've always been a smart kid
Could still distinguish, the blood black as pitch
Valves had gone stiff, veins and scar tissue
Four chambers just a standard issue
But none had room, forgiveness is huge
And you had two full of ice water
One fulla salt, one packed with coal
Eager and ready and willing to find fault

You've already been here before
You already know where it goes
You chose this, you know it's suppose to be over
You've been here before
You already know where it goes
You chose this, you know it's suppose to be over

Then with your heart in your lap
And your head in your hands, suddenly you had a plan
Wrap the mess in newspaper
Headed west on Hennepin,
Heavy with a huge favor for a kid that just turned ten
A flat-chested, gap-toothed girl
Was the best that I've been so far
And now I'm too big to forgive him
I need just a moment with me,
A moment when I was still little
I used to sing on the roof outside my windowsill
And I came hoping some ghost of me would be here still
And here you are, stick figure and a busted grin
Still ignorant of all the trouble I'ma get us in
Hoping we could trade, just for tonight
Like I could borrow your heart
And I could leave you mine
It's not much for collateral, tattered and battle-scared
But I can promise you solemn
That I will be back for it tomorrow
I only need yours this evening
So I can call an old friend
And I can tell him
That we're finally even,
That we're finally even

You chose this, you know it's suppose to be over
I've been here before
And I already know where it goes
You chose this, you know it's suppose to be over

Thankful is a good

and that I am.

For many things:

friends

family

community

grace

that I am healthy, relatively ;-)

education

dance

music

my sweetheart

my cabin and it's owners' grace for letting me stay there

a yummy dinner tonight

meeting new people

a never ending supply of books I want to read

the smell of wood smoke

So many things, I am sure I am forgetting many important things but I think this is a good list for now.

My holiday bird is a phoenix

Once again I am doing something different, unfamiliar for a "holiday". Here am I again wandering into someone else's structure, secret language of their family. I seem to have yet to create my own rituals around most holidays, and the ones I have invented seems more like phoenixes, burning up in my past being reborn into still new plumage.

Perhaps that is my tradition, to reinvent, recreate, blend what is known with what is new year time about me, about my life. There was a time when I could not imagine ever not going to my family Thanksgiving, I did choose not to go from to time over the years. Sometime because I went else, or I lived too far away. With various partners I have attempted to start something but when relationships end, the attempts to create those familial habits turn to a pile of ashes of things that have passed on.

My pattern, when alone, is to try on other families' customs but unlike Goldilocks none of them are just right. Oh, they sometimes feel that way, especially when it's been my lover's family. In reality, though I dearly enjoy my far and few between family gatherings, my family is not really close - only gathering twice a year for most of life, and those gatherings have shrunk as died and reformation by marriages have thinned the branches even further. Stepping into others' families have always been filled with hope and dread. I long for an extended family that thrills, annoys, and loves one another; one where we gather for no reason, randomly and share little bits, hide others, but there is always laughter. When I have had a glimpse into that possibility I then fight the urge to run away; it's too close, too much expectation. The annoyance and obligation overshadow the warmth and I am left feeling claustrophobic. There really is no pleasing me in this arena, I know that but yet I search, hope, and wonder when my turn comes to have that family that meets my hopes and dreams. It won't happen, at least not with perfection, and certainly not without me taking an active part in the annoyance, laughter, and warmth.

This is related to my recent whinging about being single, about never having that happy ever after. How does one create that "family" if one is single? Who makes up the members? Surely I have enough friends to create my own ragtag crew ala Charlie Brown, but there will be no grandmother to scoop us all up in breast of kin that are the grown ups who provide. I am that grown up now, but who and where is my tribe? I remain a nomad, regardless of living in one place for over a year, I roam on more esoteric planes all the time it seems; constantly seeking something that may not be findable, so perhaps I should enjoy the journey more. Maybe some of us are not meant to hold rituals in the same manner that others do. Perhaps I am more of a catalyst than a stable solution; jumping into things and seeing what happens; what to take onward with me, and what to leave behind for others to amalgamate for themselves.

Is there a formula to this?

Driving this morning I was reflecting on my relationship and noted that when I fell in love, it has not played out well for me. The first time I truly fell in love I was in my early 20's, it was a disaster - she was immature, insecure, abusive, manipulative. One year in, I had tried to leave but after hours of weeping, apologies, and pleading, along with a sprinkle of feeling responsible for her being New York City where she was like a lost sheep, I gave in. The more time that passed, the harder it was to know how to extricate myself from the crazy cycle of our life. The tipping point seemed to appear out of nowhere, which of course is never quite the case, and suddenly I knew that no matter what the price (and it was very high) I had to get out to save myself.When I left it felt great but I felt enormous pain; pain that left feeling like I wanted to die; I did not really want to die, but I wanted the raging, stabbing sensations to stop.

Before and after that roller coaster ride I was in relationships that were much calmer, and I wondered if it is was because I hadn't "fallen", wondered if I would again. And if I did, could I survive it. But then again, I fell deeply, irrationally for someone. Before even meeting her in person I felt attached, even addicted to this person. It was a ridiculous fall, all the more since it turned out that almost everything she said was a lie. Again I was relieved when it was over, felt worlds better, and it hurt, not as bad as before, but there was sadness. There were little things I missed, much I did not, but there was this emptiness as I was single for the first time in eons, briefly.

The next one I thought was more reasonable, but only because I was not the one who fell first. This one I thought had real potential, it all seemed so sane, especially by comparison. She was not insane like some others but that being swept up thing? Clearly that is my downfall, my Achilles heel. I should know that when I feel that swirling, too hopeful feeling that it is bad news.

What I also noticed in my reverie this morning is that I seem to choose best when it starts slower, perhaps knowing them as part of my social circle first. It might serve me well to keep this in mind for the future. Things are lovely with the person I'm seeing and they fit more in this category which after the review I conducted of my romantic history should be a good sign but the moment I start having faith in someone, my magic thinking leads me to expect the happy times to end.

Yeah, I have might still have some issues to work on.

Like sands through the hourglass.

Checking the television guide tonight I noted, once again, what shows I no longer watch. There are many shows that I associate with Her Geekyness (who I left some time ago) which are no longer part of my regular viewing. There were a few I avoided initially because it was too hard to watch them, knowing the shows had been part of my day to day life that no longer existed. There were some that were always more her thing, those were easier to let go of, but the others were more mixed. Since that time, I have not had a pattern of watching tv with someone. Actually since leaving Dayton, my television watching patterns have shifted. Initially I stayed with someone who did not have any signal and certainly no cable; often I crashed with Greg and Janet, who have digital signal or whatever it's called, but no cable. Sure we rented movies during some of those visits, but again folks who do not use television the way I had (or Her Geekyness). I learned how to cope without depending on tv as much.

It's been rather freeing to have little idea what the new shows are, to happen upon things, and only really know some of the syndicated things (they are much easier to remember since the schedule is the same five days a week). Vastly different from how I lived much of my life. Even now I watch more than those early gypsy days but I often am doing other things and can barely tell you watch I'm watching let alone the plot. I even shut it off! Seriously. Though this more normal, it still feels so odd.

So no more forensic shows (mostly I'm good to have stopped watching them, but I did get used to what she used to "the voice", there truly was something soothing about the sound of his voice, though the subject matter was not the best to fall asleep to - her habit. Very little CSI, The Closer. I do miss the original CSI but tend to forget to watch the reruns, and did not care for Laurence Fishburne on the show - a supreme disappointed because I had high expectations for his performance (I have caught bits and pieces of Ted Danson and have been pleasantly surprised by the character and performance). It's hard to remember what else I have "given up". I am still happy to catch Charmed repeats however, whenever the day allows and I remember it's on. As time moves on I remember less and less of what I have stopped watching, or forgetting more and more to connect them to her, hard to tell which. It's not about missing her, it hasn't been for a long time, more of a like a far away memory, of what my life used to be; one I don't miss in very many ways. The life I'm living now is much better.

A quiet day

Nothing good, nothing bad, just eh. You know, a "meh" kinda of day. Did not get much accomplished, except for some work that needs to be shipped tomorrow. Way too much time reading a compelling thread on Ravelry, almost caught up. Beautiful day but I did not take advantage. It does seem that the day after a productive one, the next gets little attention in terms of the "to do" list. I wish I could be more consistent. More things to work on in the future.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be more pithy. Thanks for tuning in.

Ah, to be brilliant

But I'm not. At least I'm not feeling it right now. Cannot think of a blessed thing to write about. I was going to post photos I took today but am having difficulty getting them off my camera. Argh. Technology is a pain in the arse sometimes.

Overall not a bad day, it included a nap, a shower, laundry, and an awesome fire which has keep the downstairs at about 75F all day.

Finished one extremely overdue assignment, am working on another. Might finished it tonight, or tomorrow. In either case, more things to cross off the to do list feels good.

In which our heroine discovers her minions are missing

So yesterday I hauled work back with me that is still in the car. There's coat in there from, um a week ago? A wrap from sometime this week. My travel mug which hasn't had coffee in it for at least two weeks. Oh, damn let's be honest probably more like three. A coffee cup from that place I'm ashamed to say I go to from time to time - it's been there a week as of today. Old mail, I think. Parking tickets that need paying. Lots of other flotsam and jetsam of living half out of my car at least 3 days a week.

Then today I went to Sunny's. And now the car is really full. As in seeing out the back window a bit of an obstacle course. What was added was:

• a beautiful pasta serving bowl
• two sets of flannel sets (yeah!)
• a laptop cooler pad thingy
• an air purifier
• a portable dvd player, complete with car charge, two pouches, and various cords to plug it into the wall, a computer, or tv.
• my little bookcase, which I think will go upstairs next the couch
• all the yarn that was in said bookcase: 10 balls of some purple wool, 10 balls of some black wool, 3 skeins of vintage 3ply yarn which could make a nice throw, two skiens of some Lambswool in cool colors, a small cone of beautiful peacock colored lace weight yarn, and probably a couple of others.
• a necklace that I thought was lost but I found it but it needs repair. It make me totally happy to find it, I was just mourning it's loss the other day

On the way home I stopped at the grocery store for a few items that I needed (i.e. ice cream and cookies to get me through a weekend of cramming on school work). Once home it was cold out, a fire needed to be started, the cat at the main house needed to be fed, and it 's kitchen tidied. Let's just I'm lucky the things that needed to be in freezer got of the car. Tomorrow, unless the forest trolls have done their job, and given their performance of late - the odds are against this, I will be spending time unpacking the car, stacking wood, vacuuming, and doing laundry. All this and school work too. Perhaps the fairies will at least have made the coffee.

Bittersweet

I work for a lovely couple, assisting with their business which she founded and he supports her in her mission, serving as her right hand man. Aisling and Kent have been together a number of years, marrying two years ago. They share a home, dogs, friends, and families. There is a comfort surrounding their relationship, that leaves longing for what I do not have, haven't for a long time, and wonder if I will find again. Their home is well tended, the furniture tasteful and comfortable, they adore their dogs as though there were their children and in a way they are - something I understand. I realize I have only seen the tiniest slice of their life and my envy is based on impressions, my lack, and not reality.

Living alone has suited me well, very well for the last year and a half; I have learned a great deal about myself, and it is lovely to only have myself to account regarding my choices, my spendings, and my grocery shopping. Still there are times when I miss partnership in the everyday, the glow and glide of couplehood. There are not great periods of this desire seeping at the edges of my being, but they happen, like today.

Aisling and Kent had left for a trip of approximately three weeks and I was still at the house finishing some work. Kent called shortly after leaving, as I expected because I was sure there was something left behind. He had left his wedding ring by the kitchen sink and really didn't want to be without it. As we spoke I walked over to the sink and retrieved the ring, slipping it around in my hand, noting it's simplicity and size - it would fit on the middle finger of my larger hand. While playing with it, I recalled feeling that way about my wedding band, which has been off my hand since 2005. I have not been single all that time but no bands with the weight of commitment, purpose, and promise have encircled my finger since then.

My desires in these moments fights with my cynicism - relationships don't last. Or at least mine don't. It's not that I have only flitting partnerships, but apparently I lack that gene for sticking things out. Perhaps that gene is related to my cynicism - they are mutually exclusive, if I have one, I can't have the other. Only one time did I have any true faith that a relationship would last, which it did for twelve years but in the end I still left. Regretfully in many ways, but it was the right decision for me at the time. In the years that have swirled by it does seem that in some ways I left the best thing I've had. But somehow it still wasn't good enough for me. The truth is that there were things missing, some incompatibility concerns that time have not erased but have left me wondering - at what point are things like that still good enough to stay? How do you know when you should stay in spite of those mismatches?

Perhaps the reason I laden such loveliness on relationships like Aisling and Kent's is that I keep hoping I if I can learn the secret of couples like them, I will be able cure myself of my lack of faith. If I can find inner peace that will lead to acceptance not just of my imperfections about another's, I would be allowed me the domestic, marital bliss that has alluded me, and I would finally believe I deserve such riches.

I will be shipping it tomorrow.

A Good Day

It doesn't take much sometimes to feel like a day feel successful.

- I was able to sleep in, and felt relatively rested upon waking

- An excellent cup of tea

- Lovely trip to my acupuncturist (despite being offered a choice of a no sugar/no alcohol diet or herb, I chose the herbs)

- Finished a paper for Micro Practice class before midnight, meaning I can get to bed at a reasonable hour

- Receive a "B" on my module posting for Social Welfare Policy

- My home is warm and toasty on gray rainy day

- A glass or two of a lovely red wine (see why I chose the herbs?)

How was your day?

"Aargh" says Charlie Brown

While reading in bed last night, at precisely 12:01am, it suddenly occurred to me that I had not blogged. I confess, I was tempted to leap out of bed and back date the posting. But alas, I am too honorable.

So here I am hanging my head in shame, four stellar years of not missing a post, the record has been broken. If it was going to happen I cannot think of a more appropriate year than this one. Lyme has been kicking my arse for over two months, finally seeming to abate just a week ago, graduate school has been kicking my arse for over two months - partially because of Lyme. My internship is not quite doing a number on me, but it's a contributing factor as well. So are my two very part time jobs, my reduced commitment to the Frolic (I'm very sad to not be doing a better job), and my responsibilities to Dance New England (also falling down a bit there as well). Perhaps even attempting NaBloPoMo this year was a foolish idea but I really thought I could do it. I still think I can, so I am resuming my intention of posting daily for the rest of month.

Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it!

Another great day in Western Massachusetts

It was lovely to sleep in, the fourth day in a row that I did not have a specific time I had to get up - what a luxury.

Had lovely little bit of time with Michele before I took off to pick up my sweetheart up in Greenfield. We decided on a side trip to the Montague Bookmill - it's been YEARS since I was there. It is lovely to see that this place has survived, and thrived all these years. I had a lovely warm rice salad at their Lady Killigrew cafe; it was so yummy. The sunset was blazing with pinks and reds, incredible.

Now we are home, the stove is cranking, and we've had dinner, some yummy lemon shortbread and chocolate for dessert. Schoolwork is calling me but I am enjoying the stupor of a nice weekend, a full belly, and a goal of serious cuddling soon.