Friday, May 28, 2010

Fools Rush In

That is the phrase I woke with in my head this morning, well once I finally consented to finally really get up. Waking before 6am when I fell asleep after 2am was not in my plans. I finally fell back to sleep and kept doing so until it was just ridiculous to try to avoid the world any longer.

I do not feel like a fool in a "I'm stupid" sort of way, more in the overly hopeful way, more in that I learn from mistakes but yet I keep trying certain things again and again because what if I were wrong.

This is a bit of a long way of saying I am single again. It has been in the works for a bit now but I wanted to wait until I was ready to disclose. I feel hurt, bruised, and very tired. Sad, very very sad. There have days of crying and inertia, also days of excellent distraction, moving forward in various areas.

As I had planned for myself upon before coming back to New Paltz (I've been here for a bit of time now) I investigated therapists (Happy D?) and will continue with one, at least for now; giving it some time to see if a good bond and good work happen.

Like before I will not be using this space to process what went on, or engage in a she said/she said type thing. Rather I will continue to examine my actions, my motivations, and my meanderings. I will also continue to write about my Utah experience because it was amazing.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.


Andi said...

I'm glad that you're looking into therapy. I can't wait to hear more about Utah. (My friend Heather is there now...) You're in my thoughts. *hug*

Lisa said...

Having been to therapy myself, I know it is hard but you are strong and I hope this will help you find the peace that you deserve and the healing that you need. You are always in my thoughts....let me know if you need to talk or anything else.

Jbeeky said...

Ahhh Darms. I am so sorry for this hard, rocky road. I am glad you are seeking a guide and hope you find a nice meadow to lay in for a while. Much love and hugs....