That is the phrase I woke with in my head this morning, well once I finally consented to finally really get up. Waking before 6am when I fell asleep after 2am was not in my plans. I finally fell back to sleep and kept doing so until it was just ridiculous to try to avoid the world any longer.
I do not feel like a fool in a "I'm stupid" sort of way, more in the overly hopeful way, more in that I learn from mistakes but yet I keep trying certain things again and again because what if I were wrong.
This is a bit of a long way of saying I am single again. It has been in the works for a bit now but I wanted to wait until I was ready to disclose. I feel hurt, bruised, and very tired. Sad, very very sad. There have days of crying and inertia, also days of excellent distraction, moving forward in various areas.
As I had planned for myself upon before coming back to New Paltz (I've been here for a bit of time now) I investigated therapists (Happy D?) and will continue with one, at least for now; giving it some time to see if a good bond and good work happen.
Like before I will not be using this space to process what went on, or engage in a she said/she said type thing. Rather I will continue to examine my actions, my motivations, and my meanderings. I will also continue to write about my Utah experience because it was amazing.
Back to your regularly scheduled programming.