Wednesday, February 24, 2010

In which our heroine rocks

Okay, I am tooting my own horn because I feel good. For over three weeks I have written my morning pages, without missing a day. Sure some of it is me dumping my neuroses on paper but it's better than it just rolling around in my head. This morning I woke after having the most amazing dream; it dripped with rich symbolism and it made me cry with joy at what it showed me about myself. The dream became my morning pages because I don't want to lose it. Ever.

Monday I had a tiny e-article due through this agency I signed up with and I thought I had it half written, stored safely on my computer or on their website. Double no. Instead of panicking, or at least not completely, I got on the stick, did the research and wrote it fresh. Then I received notice that they approved it. No rewrite, no nothing, just approved. Wow. I went to the assignment section and picked another three articles to write.

Yesterday I completed all the work I could do on the database for Greg & Janet, a day early. Today, I wrote and submitted two of those articles I picked up on Monday. They aren't due until March 1st.
Who is this efficient person I've become? Seriously it's amazing. I bounced around the house with more joy.

Later while sitting on the couch suddenly in a tiny window pane, level with the floor, was a red tailed hawk settling on a branch. This is the second time while here that I have gotten to see one of these incredible creatures from above. Hawks, specifically red tails, have been showing up consistently, pointedly since March, after I left Dayton. It seems like I should pay attention to what this might mean.

When I was much younger I identified with cats, in many ways I still do. There is a certain understanding with them, a kinship almost. Though a partner, unintentionally on their part, I began an attachment, an resonance with bears, particularly black bears. It seems to fit on many levels.


I just did a search about the meaning of red tailed hawk and the first page I clicked just reeked with meaning, even referencing my dream, goals I have been working towards. The lesson for this totem: "Discover dormant abilities". The red feathers that distinguish them until they reach sufficient maturation. Red was a key color in a piece of my dream this morning. This page talks about kundalini, the unfurling of the energies. Again this references my dream.

Before seeing the hawk, I was so happy from the dream, from delivering work ahead of schedule, for writing two articles in the morning that I felt like I was expanding, soaring. The changes I have been experiencing, the awakenings I have been having are so tremendous. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be made aware of a bird of prey, that something that flies would speak to me, but it seems like that something has shifted. It seems to fit because as BC pointed said:
"moving from thinking you can do something to knowing you can do something is huge - i am proud of you for taking these steps to make your dream reality"
I am almost at the point that I can say aloud that I am proud of, oh hell I can say it. I am proud of the work I've done; moving from a dream to really practice my chosen craft, something I have wanted forever is do breathtaking

It all feels so complete and full, and yet there is still tomorrow.

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Hawk is a huge totem for me. Whenever I travel, Hawk appears on my path, at times literally buzzing the roof of my car. For me, Hawk comes to tell me I am on the right path!

@yarnslinger

Jbeeky said...

I was complaining to a shaman friend of mine that I never see my totem animal when out of NOWHERE a heron landed in my backyard. I love that!