I love shoes, as most people in my life know, hell I've written about shoe purchases on this very blog. Since March I have increased my shoe collection several times over - a cheap pair of goth inspired Mary Janes, Keen Mary Janes, Chaco sandals (which are one of the best shoes EVER!), a pair that's for very special occasions, an amazing find of a pair of Think mules for $5!, a pair of Borns (omg these are amazingly well made!), and Harley Boots. I inherited lavender ankle UGG boots from Sunny as well.
Yes, my inner shoe ho has been let loose! These have been gifts or found on fabulous sales. Are these good for my feet? Some are, some are most assuredly are not. But I love them all. The Chaco's, which BC encouraged me to try, are some of the most comfortable things I've ever put on my feet. I wore them every.single.day of camp in August and my feet only started to ache the very last day. This is miraculous people.
With a goal of a major hike in April, and an overall change in activity I also needed sneakers and hiking boots. Ah, those cannot be shopped for lightly because they need to seriously fit. BC is an athlete, is currently training for the Disney marathon, so she took me to her favorite shop to get some sneakers to support my walking goals (I walked 8 miles this week). Usually I go and find the sneakers that appeal to me aesthetically, that seems like the toe box is wide enough for me and if they fit and are cheap enough I buy them. Of course it's been forever since I even did that. At Fleet Feet they measure your feet, have you walk barefoot and bring you the best options based on those things. The sneaker guy brought me three pairs, the first were fabulous and ultimately won out. In addition Superfeet inserts were purchased for the little extra to keep my feet stable. These sneakers are fabulous! It is amazing to have something really, deeply fit.
Sunny has been offering to gift with hiking boots for months now, and well now there is more motivation than ever. Today we took a long drive to Middletown to go to this place which has a similar model of service. As it turns out my feet don't seem to have a great deal wrong with them (yeah!) according Frank who was filled with an enormous amount of knowledge and the background of a serious runner (two coast to coast runs). I also learned that Superfeet designed the berry insert (the one I have) based on his input. I walked out with the only pair he gave to try, again I have never gotten hiking boots this way, laced the way he showed me (the sherpa lacing).
His motto is a shoe should fit from the get go, he doesn't believe in "breaking in" of shoes. I am not sure I totally agree but that may be because I like a lot of different shoes and dammit they are not all going to be "comfortable shoes", even if I am a lesbian. It also makes me think about relationships. There are some that are so appealing, look so good, feel so good in a surface way but you know they are going to pinch, or not support enough when the day goes long and you are tired. You keep them around (both the person and the shoes) usually for far too long and even after things are over your mind wanders back to the what ifs, the allure, and the tape plays in your head about what you could have done different, if only you had never tried to make it work, and damn weren't they cute. Shoes that are going to go the distance are the ones that fit pretty well from the start, perhaps one's romantic relationships should be entered into the way one would buy the boot that will support the journey regardless of where it takes you.
Showing posts with label journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label journey. Show all posts
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
The horoscope hits home
As I believe I have mentioned before, I adore Rob Brezsny's horoscopes. Per Sunny's suggestion eons ago I always read my sun sign and my rising sign's forecast, especially his. Many times in recent months it has seemed like he was writing just for me. While my sun sign hit home and was meaningful, this week's meditation for my rising resonated deep and hard.
The last several months, since deciding to and actually leaving Dayton have been a hard and exhilarating journey, there have been moments of deep grief, of knowing people were sitting in judgment, sure that people were writing their own version of what they perceived to be the truth no matter how far from my reality their story was, and I practiced deeply at letting go other people's stories about me. Every so often it comes up again, as it did a few weeks ago but this time I had a harder being a good Buddhist about it, wanting to contact the person to call them on their behavior, to chastise them for stirring the pot, for speaking out of turn. In the end I did none of those things but I did sit in my stew, rant about the ability of people to make trouble, and eventually I let it go.
As the sun fades less of the day is lit, the temperatures start to gently drop, the urge to hibernate, to hole up has begun to blossom in me. Yet I am still largely roaming and have no place that is home, not full time. The struggle to find a rhythm with no outside structure becomes bigger as time creeps on and the urge to contemplate my own navel becomes a stronger pull. My self care needs to include a schedule, a set of goals, perhaps even daily (other than getting out of bed) seems a way to lick my wounds and do more inner work; it really should be no surprise to me but yet it catches me off guard that I still feel hurt and angry about my last relationship. Though my wild ideas of foreign travel seem further away, it does not mean I need to forgo gathering my forces to challenge myself in other ways, so training for a potential hiking adventure will be part of the nurturing I give myself. As to contemplating the mysteries of doing nothing, I think I excel at that too well with no further enlightenment, so in order to work the idea of nothingness in a new fashion I purchased Yoga Journal's special issue, Yoga for Beginners in a fit of inspiration, or desperation, hard to know which in this case.
Regardless of where I lay my head, I can work on cultivating my inner cozy home. The addition of the fabulous Life is Good socks and pullover BC got will definitely help and are portable to boot.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): It might be tempting to turn your home into a
womb-like sanctuary and explore the mysteries of doing absolutely
nothing while clad in your pajamas. And frankly, this might be a good idea.
After the risks you've taken to reach out to the other side, after the
bridges you've built in the midst of the storms, after the skirmishes
you've fought in the Gossip Wars, you have every right to retreat and get
your homebody persona humming at a higher vibration. So I say: Be
meticulously leisurely as you celebrate the deep pleasures of self-care.
The last several months, since deciding to and actually leaving Dayton have been a hard and exhilarating journey, there have been moments of deep grief, of knowing people were sitting in judgment, sure that people were writing their own version of what they perceived to be the truth no matter how far from my reality their story was, and I practiced deeply at letting go other people's stories about me. Every so often it comes up again, as it did a few weeks ago but this time I had a harder being a good Buddhist about it, wanting to contact the person to call them on their behavior, to chastise them for stirring the pot, for speaking out of turn. In the end I did none of those things but I did sit in my stew, rant about the ability of people to make trouble, and eventually I let it go.
As the sun fades less of the day is lit, the temperatures start to gently drop, the urge to hibernate, to hole up has begun to blossom in me. Yet I am still largely roaming and have no place that is home, not full time. The struggle to find a rhythm with no outside structure becomes bigger as time creeps on and the urge to contemplate my own navel becomes a stronger pull. My self care needs to include a schedule, a set of goals, perhaps even daily (other than getting out of bed) seems a way to lick my wounds and do more inner work; it really should be no surprise to me but yet it catches me off guard that I still feel hurt and angry about my last relationship. Though my wild ideas of foreign travel seem further away, it does not mean I need to forgo gathering my forces to challenge myself in other ways, so training for a potential hiking adventure will be part of the nurturing I give myself. As to contemplating the mysteries of doing nothing, I think I excel at that too well with no further enlightenment, so in order to work the idea of nothingness in a new fashion I purchased Yoga Journal's special issue, Yoga for Beginners in a fit of inspiration, or desperation, hard to know which in this case.
Regardless of where I lay my head, I can work on cultivating my inner cozy home. The addition of the fabulous Life is Good socks and pullover BC got will definitely help and are portable to boot.
Monday, June 23, 2008
I believe I found the answer
To a question posed by a dear friend about a year ago, by reading a book on that same friend's shelf.
For those who are not familiar with this piece of my story (and I don't expect any of you to be) I moved from Massachusetts to California because my partner at the time got a job out there. Nine months ago I moved from the left coast to Ohio because of a pull of family, unfinished business, and most immediately a job (versus chronic unemployment in California) of TGF. While prepping for that move, and dealing with grief about leaving the coast and fears of the land of Ohio (much whining about these things was done on this blog, sorry about that), my friend expressed concern about this apparent pattern. (I don't see it as a pattern so much as the path I'm on.) She asked while we Google chatted, "where do you want to live?". I have pondered this question a lot (sorry I never told you Jennie) and have been sitting with it. It occurred to me that I don't have a particular drive to live in any part of the country because to me it's all filled with possibility. As soon as I rule out a region I may lose something incredible that was supposed to be part of my journey. Today I am at Jennie's house, wearing her bathrobe which is soft and lightweight which makes me realize I need an article of clothing like this of my own, sitting on the couch, reading Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's "Casts Off". All in all it's a very light hearted book and a bit silly but it has some great quotes. The that reached out to me this morning is this:
One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller
I am not a particular fan of Henry Miller's work, having never sought it out however this sums up the answer that has been swirling in my head for a year. It is always about how you live a place, not as much where it is. Yes, yes, there are places that may be intrinsically better for us hippie, lesbian, alternative, witchy-jewish-buddhist types than others. Certainly Ohio was never on my list of places to visit for anything much at all let alone become a resident, yet that is where my path has led me and already it has offered me so much concretely and ethereally. It has challenged (some) of my assumptions about such place, it has been refreshingly friendly and accepting. I have made friends and almost a peace with my coastal biases and snobbery about the middle of the country. If I had not made a commitment to my partner, if I was not optimist and conscious, I would have never made this move. I would have never allowed myself to be open and trust my intuition that flowed through me when we happened on our neighborhood. The gratefulness I feel for that day when my body vibrated on something in the air in South Park that said "this is where I can feel at home", I would have lost something amazing, something I didn't think still existed - a true neighborhood, one that was not insular but accepting of new residents, eager to bring them into the fold and say "you belong here".
So Jennie, while there are places I have lived that I have loved and feel connected to, and in theory I could find a number of new places to make home in the decades I hope to have before me, there is no one place that has absolutely everything I want. There are still other places that I may harbor a desire to inhabit to deeply experience however I do not need to have a plan to find them, I do not need to be sad that I may never claim them as home. My mantra is that I hope and will work to always find what I need wherever my journey lands me.
For those who are not familiar with this piece of my story (and I don't expect any of you to be) I moved from Massachusetts to California because my partner at the time got a job out there. Nine months ago I moved from the left coast to Ohio because of a pull of family, unfinished business, and most immediately a job (versus chronic unemployment in California) of TGF. While prepping for that move, and dealing with grief about leaving the coast and fears of the land of Ohio (much whining about these things was done on this blog, sorry about that), my friend expressed concern about this apparent pattern. (I don't see it as a pattern so much as the path I'm on.) She asked while we Google chatted, "where do you want to live?". I have pondered this question a lot (sorry I never told you Jennie) and have been sitting with it. It occurred to me that I don't have a particular drive to live in any part of the country because to me it's all filled with possibility. As soon as I rule out a region I may lose something incredible that was supposed to be part of my journey. Today I am at Jennie's house, wearing her bathrobe which is soft and lightweight which makes me realize I need an article of clothing like this of my own, sitting on the couch, reading Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's "Casts Off". All in all it's a very light hearted book and a bit silly but it has some great quotes. The that reached out to me this morning is this:
One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller
I am not a particular fan of Henry Miller's work, having never sought it out however this sums up the answer that has been swirling in my head for a year. It is always about how you live a place, not as much where it is. Yes, yes, there are places that may be intrinsically better for us hippie, lesbian, alternative, witchy-jewish-buddhist types than others. Certainly Ohio was never on my list of places to visit for anything much at all let alone become a resident, yet that is where my path has led me and already it has offered me so much concretely and ethereally. It has challenged (some) of my assumptions about such place, it has been refreshingly friendly and accepting. I have made friends and almost a peace with my coastal biases and snobbery about the middle of the country. If I had not made a commitment to my partner, if I was not optimist and conscious, I would have never made this move. I would have never allowed myself to be open and trust my intuition that flowed through me when we happened on our neighborhood. The gratefulness I feel for that day when my body vibrated on something in the air in South Park that said "this is where I can feel at home", I would have lost something amazing, something I didn't think still existed - a true neighborhood, one that was not insular but accepting of new residents, eager to bring them into the fold and say "you belong here".
So Jennie, while there are places I have lived that I have loved and feel connected to, and in theory I could find a number of new places to make home in the decades I hope to have before me, there is no one place that has absolutely everything I want. There are still other places that I may harbor a desire to inhabit to deeply experience however I do not need to have a plan to find them, I do not need to be sad that I may never claim them as home. My mantra is that I hope and will work to always find what I need wherever my journey lands me.
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